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  • "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

  • Written by: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
  • Narrated by: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
  • Length: 19 hrs and 6 mins
  • 4.9 out of 5 stars (46 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

It’s time to take our lives back from a world of narcissism, entitlement, and toxic relationships.

“Don’t you know who I am?” has become the mantra of the famous and infamous, the entitled and the insecure. It’s the tagline of the modern narcissist. 

Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult, or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. 

Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized. They are manifestations of pathological insecurity - insecurities that are experienced at both the individual and societal level. The paradox is that we value these patterns. We venerate them through social media, mainstream media, and consumerism, and they are endemic in political, corporate, academic, and media leaders. 

There are few lives untouched by narcissists. These relationships infect those who are in them with self-doubt, despair, confusion, anxiety, depression, and the chronic feeling of being “not enough,” all of which make it so difficult to step away and set boundaries. The illusion of hope and the fantasy of redemption can result in years of second chances, and despondency when change never comes. 

It’s time for a wake-up call. It’s time to stem the tide of narcissism, entitlement, and antagonism, and take our lives back.

©2019 Ramani S. Durvasula, PhD (P)2019 Post Hill Press

What listeners say about "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

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BRILLIANT!!! RECOMMENDED FOR ALIENATED PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS TOO!!!

This book is an incredible resource for anybody who has an interest or a need to learn more about narcissism, a buzz word that has become all-too-familiar in our society. There are far too many books, podcasts, you tube videos, etc. on the topic , by people who are not qualified to present the information in an appropriate manner, and unfortunately, by others with PhD’s in psychology, who in my humble opinion, fuel the fire in narcissists themselves, who feel they have the right to diagnose and abuse others. I feel Dr. Ramani presents the information like a professional should, using appropriate research, tone, and delivery of the information.

I am unfortunately one of innumerable alienated parents of adult children and alienated grandparents, who believe narcissism has a role to play in this alienation. I myself went from being called mother of the year (a title I was never comfortable with), to narcissistic mother of the year (in one year). I was told I lost my title as mom and grandmother as I was not deserving of such titles. My husband lost his title as dad and grandpa, and our other children have been called “flying monkeys”. This has led me on a journey of almost 5 years, of being berated, beaten, grieving and lost. My whole family has been alienated along with me and I am accused of being the blame by my estranged son and daughter in law. Despite the loving support provided to me by our family, I have had to seek counsel and have read anything I could get my hands on about narcissism and grandparent alienation in an effort to find out if I am a narcissist, and to help me heal and learn to love myself again. While I still struggle with this, I so appreciate Dr. Ramani’s constant comparison throughout the book of what constitutes a true narcissist as opposed to each of us in our being human, of having the occasional narcissistic moment, recognizing it, owning it and learning from it. Thank you Dr. Ramani for helping to contribute to my personal journey of healing.

I also appreciated the time Dr. Ramani took in her own humility, to thank so many people that helped her in a myriad of ways, to help complete this book. I would love to see a research study, or podcast, or book by Dr. Ramani , specifically geared toward alienated parents of adult children and their grandchildren, as it is considered an epidemic in our society. I am confident this would be well received by the multitudes in need, and help them in their own healing journey.

Thank you again and I will highly recommend this book to members of alienated grandparents anonymous (AGA), a group of which I belong to in Canada as a Facilitator, but that originated in the United States.

With gratitude.

Nano

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Eye opening and healing book

This book helped me understand a lot of things, and I feel more mindful about myself. I listened to this book through quite a few difficult moments, and I felt the book gave me support, advice, and validation. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!

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A GREAT BIG THANK YOU!!!!!

Thorough, honest, caring, illuminating, educating, preventative, soothing, healing and necessary for EVERYONE. This book is not only about NPD. It's about toxicity on personal, societal and global levels. It's for all of us. Just read it, bask in it and hope that the message will keep spreading.

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eye opening

This book is a most read. Every individual should be educated on the types of narcissists present in our society so that they can maintain their distance and protect themselves.

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An Eye Opener

Not all heroes wear capes. Dr. Ramani has changed my life since I found out about her through YouTube and heard about your books. I knew I needed to read them. Let's just say I devoured them. I watched every video as well and feel confident how much I now know about Narcissistic abuse. This book, "Don't You Know Who I am," is full of excellent content that is engaging and new. She gives so much psychological advise, shares so many stories and provides a source of healing for the victims listening. If you're a victim of Narcissistic abuse this book is for you. This book will open your eyes and be very aware of the types of people in your lives. There are so many terms she teaches and provides so much help in different situations. She even happened to speak about how Narcissists treat you when you're sick. I happen to have a Brain Tumor and am currently dealing with what she explains. You have to read this book! It's very worth the read. I will definitely recommend it on my Instagram and Tiktok @zainah.mb. I love you Dr. Ramani you are a gem to this world!

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A must read - for any one with a family, a boss, a coworker, or a community.

I listened to this while driving across the country. Things I’ve learned have come up as useful information in conversation so often already, and this book has changed how I see myself and others around me.

Dr Ramani’s take is one of compassionate realism. I am deeply grateful for the work and time and community contributions that have gone I to making this book possible.

I also really like that she read it herself. It’s nice to hear words in the person’s own voice.

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  • Lisa Rose
  • 2019-10-11

Excellent reality check

I really love this book. I have been listening to her utube videos for a while.

24 people found this helpful

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  • Patty
  • 2019-11-08

Highly recommend

The scope of this book was more than I could have imagined. So many aspects I had not considered. Very well written and easy to follow.

11 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 2019-10-26

Intelligent, insightful, and compassionate

I do not think that I would have ever said that, but Dr. Ramani is my favorite psychologist.

This book makes you reflect on your relationships, who you are, your needs and your goals, all the while distilling wisdom into your soul, and reassurance at every word.

From someone who has been living my whole life with the types of people that she speaks of in this book, she has reaffirmed a lot of the thoughts that I had about them, reconnecting myself with those lessons, while giving me new things to ponder about and new ways to get through life.

She has opened my eyes to what I had felt, but covered my eyes about.

Thank you for letting me listen to you and feel that living life is self improvement, deep connections, meaningful relationship, kindness, love, care and insight.

10 people found this helpful

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  • Project Leda
  • 2020-01-22

This will jar your life back to reality.

Dr. Ramani had me pausing this and yelling out loud to how much she hit the nail on the head. She has mastered the gears that are in a narcissist. Incredible book. Like seeing the picture pop out in those 3D posters that just look like background noise.

9 people found this helpful

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  • Danny
  • 2020-08-09

Knowledge for life, everyone should read this once

An all encompassing, guide on the complexity of poorly behaved people. This is a crucial read for anyone who's been through a difficult relationship of some kind. This book contains key information that help one to get a clearer picture of the landscape we call life. With that in mind, you still have to make the journey but it's much easier when you have clarity of sight, or in this case, thought.

6 people found this helpful

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  • anne drew
  • 2020-05-14

Don’t you know who I am?

Wow, so much information! This book was spot on about Narcissism! I also learned more about them and what to do and what not to do. I couldn’t stop listening to the book at first but then I had to take a break from it because I had to let it sink in. It is so exhausting living with a narcissistic personality and it doesn’t end even after the divorce. The information is so true about everything that I felt I was reading about someone I knew. I would tell my family member it was the best thing he ever did was divorce her but now it’s knowing how to protect the children. Everyone should listen to this book!

6 people found this helpful

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  • Ms. Olive Oyl
  • 2021-05-21

What a revelation!

I’m beginning this book all over again to listen a second time. As I listened, memories of my life came back to me, and I realized that the behavior of my family of origin was that of narcissists. This has shaped my life and affected that of my dear children. Things I had always wondered about were explained. Why on earth, as a woman of intelligence, had I ended up with the men I had? Dr Durvasala explained why. Why did my family dress me up as a little girl, send me to a private school yet treat me with such coldness and hate? Dr Durvasala explained why. Thank you so much Dr. Durvasala, and bless you

4 people found this helpful

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  • Amy Johnson
  • 2020-02-25

Wow

This is a comprehensive pep talk for those of us who need to move past a life time identity of “not enoughness” . It covers every damn thing you need to hear and understand to move on.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Sean
  • 2020-01-10

Slowly read but clear

I’m not sure if Dr. Durvasula is speaking very slowly or if it was purposely slowed down by the editors as she reads. I did speed it up half way through the book to 1.25 times the normal reading speed, and she sounds normal. However, I realized, I was able to listen better at the slower but normal speed. The book speaks for itself, it is a must read, for all personality types. Please see Esther 1:16-18; Deuteronomy 5:21; Exodus 20:17 to truly understand one reason why we are seeing the inceL situation, although their method used to display their anger is maladaptive, they have a legitimate reason for their anger. Feminism is one reason for a higher divorce rate. Divorce creates single family homes, children in single family homes, may fall higher on the narcissistic spectrum. Women today have a Queen Vashti spirit, rather than the spirit of Sarah, Abraham's wife. (see 1Peter 3:1-7)

4 people found this helpful

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  • Dillird
  • 2019-11-18

Trump supporters are THE MOST targeted by Narcs

The authors consistent dismissmissal, and simplifying of "racists," or "sexists," or "trolls" ignores the power structure. Leftist ideology negates the reality of differences between groups, which is to lie, and actively incentivizes narcissist type hostile behavior toward people who observe simple reality. Ignoring and attacking reality and people who notice it are more pathological than those who risk these labels.
The issue with Nationalism isn't at root a pathology, but a observance of real differences. The author fails monumentally, and absurdly to give its due importance the phenomenon of ingroup/outgroup preference. People have 1 policy for dealing with their own, and another for the other. This is healthy and natural. We hear a lot about "pathological altruism," which is only possible operating from the assumption that all groups of people are interchangeable.
The author is most guilty of doing what she warns against, which is labeling anyone we disagree with as a narcissist.
Too much biased. The purely clinical explanations are informative nontheless .

Trump may be a narcissist, but he was fighting a narcissistic system with narcissism; fire with fire. He was "our" narcissist (emphasis on 'was').

The author is so tone def on diagnosing the matters of the day, to be so blinded as to why anyone would want to maintain their majority status in their country; our post angry comments about ant-white agenda that this book is almost worthless.

She misses the point. Her left leaning blinds her to the real systemic narcissism, which are petty tyrants on the left.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 2022-05-03

Une analyse de la psychologie du PN complète

Merci à l'auteur pour l'analyse complète du PN, ses solutions et ses messages positifs.
Elle analyse, met en garde, et donne des solutions.