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  • God, If You're Not up There, I'm F*cked

  • Tales of Stand-up, Saturday Night Live, and Other Mind-Altering Mayhem
  • Written by: Darrell Hammond
  • Narrated by: Darrell Hammond
  • Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
  • 4.7 out of 5 stars (51 ratings)

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God, If You're Not up There, I'm F*cked

Written by: Darrell Hammond
Narrated by: Darrell Hammond
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Publisher's Summary

Tina Fey’s Bossypants meets David Carr’s The Night of the Gun in Darrell Hammond's groundbreaking memoir, God, If You’re Not up There, I’m F*cked - a raw look inside the troubled life and mind of an American comic genius. 

By turns poignant and hilarious, Hammond takes listeners from the set of Saturday Night Live, where he was the show’s longest tenured cast member, to the drug-ridden streets of Harlem and into the twisting corridors of his own unflaggingly humorous consciousness. Mingling behind-the-scenes stories from television’s best loved comedy series with a dark look inside a world-class funnyman, God, If You’re Not up There, I’m F*cked is a book sure to resonate with anyone who shares a talent for performance, a love of comedy, or a desire to know how an artist can climb from the deepest despair to the very top of his profession.

To hear Hammond tell stories from the book, live from New York’s Comedy Cellar, check out That’s Clinton!, also available on Audible. 

©2011 Darrell Hammond (P)2018 Audible, Inc.

Behind the Scenes with Darrell Hammond

"I'm heralding the high watermarks of my life but the flip side is there are some pretty low watermarks, too," the SNL alum says of his confessional memoir.
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What listeners say about God, If You're Not up There, I'm F*cked

Average Customer Ratings
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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Interesting, Challenging, Funny, but a Bit Uneven

I found this book to be a tough listen in many places. I thought I was going to get a lot of backstage at SNL information, and while there is a good amount of that, Darrell's life is the major component, and he has lived through a lot of things that you wouldn't wish on anyone.

The book is full of impressions and performances which are wonderful to listen to, but when you hear the rest of the reading, it's hard to believe it's the same person. Darrell sounds disinterested and more monotone; he almost mumbles his way through. Whether that's just the way he talks or he was trying to keep a distance from the traumatic events, I did find that in a few places, I had trouble figuring out what he was saying or mustering up the enthusiasm to continue my listening.

The audiobook itself is definitely worth a listen, and I also enjoyed the extra material at the end: a lengthy excerpt from a live stand-up performance and an interview with Darrell himself after he recorded the audiobook.

2 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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I really enjoyed this book: raw, personal & funny

It is certainly not all laughs (although there are many), but I found myself drawn in to his life's story and all his struggles and the lessons he eventually learned from it all. It's raw, a bit dark, and totally engaging.

1 person found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Amazing

Mr. Hammond's book is amazing, and his performance incredible. I recommend this to anyone. I loved it.

1 person found this helpful

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an honest, account of a troubled life

a very candid and authentic journey through a tough life. thank you Darrell for sharing

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    5 out of 5 stars

raw, honest and heartbreaking

this book is going to help alot of people who are carrying around past trauma. I know it has helped me. I never would have thought that the man I grew up laughing to on SNL had such a serious side. I recommend this book to everyone.

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Not what I was expecting

really enjoyed the book. had no preconceptions going into it. very good performance. strong story of trauma, addiction, and recovery. always like the show business / comics behind the scenes explanations

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  • K
  • 2018-08-12

A "must listen" for Hammond fans

A few years ago, I started reading "God, If You're Not There" on my Kindle. I abandoned it after a few pages, shocked by the dissonance between my image of Darrell Hammond and the reality. (Naive, I know.) Last week, when Audible released the audiobook narrated by the author, I decided to give this book another try. I'm glad I did.

"God, If You're Not There" is about Darrell Hammond's life, both the highs and the lows. He describes his struggle with mental illness, addiction, and abuse at the hands of his parents... that's difficult to listen to (and must have been difficult to narrate). But he also describes his career and includes several of his wonderful comedic impressions. He recounts his experiences from Saturday Night Live (which I absolutely loved, as an SNL fan), and notes that he refers fans to s Washington Post article in response to "Why aren't you playing Donald Trump anymore?"

The book also describes Hammond's recovery from addiction and finding peace. For me, this was the most satisfying part of the book. A very interesting audiobook by and about this talented comedian. Highly recommended!

28 people found this helpful

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  • Karan Patel
  • 2018-08-14

Life changing.

This is a fantastic book. I’d recommend it over the actual book because Darrell Hammond is so damn good at voices. He does something amazing to imbue the mood of any situation into his voice, and then adds the characters flawlessly.

But that’s just the surface. The story of his life, in the context of living with severe mental illness and struggling to find peace, is something that needs to be shared. This book had a permanent impact on my life and how I see others.

13 people found this helpful

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  • Aggman
  • 2018-08-24

This is the ideal book for Audible.

This book is horrifying, funny, captivating, hypnotic, and stunning. If you thought you knew Hammond from SNL, you know nothing. Darrell had a terrifying and devastating life of abuse, addiction, and survival. It's worth listening to for Hammond's stories, voices, memories, and hopefully, some uplifting hope that can arise out of horror. Don't miss this book!

12 people found this helpful

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  • MariaUnfiltered
  • 2018-08-27

I laughed, I cried, I healed.

I am not being facetious when I say that I laughed so hard I paid I cried so hard I choked and I healed so hard I slept well afterwards. I also have some unfortunate things in common with the author and I am terrifically grateful that I've been in therapy and have been able to avoid alcoholism. somehow I managed to avoid being a cutter. This insight into what celebrities life was very interesting. and hearing about the people that Darrell Hammond met like vice president Gore and of course President Clinton was hilarious and also very touching. Darrell Hammond, I wish you all the best. I saw you at Mohegan Sun when the Thunder was clapping back at you. if there is a God, he's on your side now.

10 people found this helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Jeffrey Olsen
  • 2018-08-17

Very entertaining and funny Guy

Hammond’s voice, the tone suggests a sense of disregard, disrespect and even ingratitude. As if he dislikes everything, which may not even be a valid sentiment and is definitely part of his exceeding talent. But he sounds so jaded, even disgusted by life and unhappy with everyone, even himself. He speaks with an ascetic and sarcastic tone as if he feels compelled to cynically mock everyone and everything.

Interestingly, the very same talent, the source of his success has made addiction recovery hard for him. Abandoning cynicism, sarcasm and mockery, at least when not performing, is fundamental to recovery from addiction. To believe in things that are not tangible, concepts like God, Higher Powers, honesty, willingness, open-mindedness acknowledgement, accountability, confession of character flaws that’s all hard stuff for drug possessed, egotistical, driven, cynical, sarcastic and successful comedians. In his voice, I hear ego, pessimism and mockery not humility or gratitude. I just can’t get bogged down by that right now. I just can’t hear any genuine consideration, care or appreciation in his voice. It could be me? I think I “get” Daryl Hammond, wow! I am impressed by him and amazed by what he has done in his career. I just don’t want more of his “thing” right now, I need less!

10 people found this helpful

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  • Danielle
  • 2019-06-12

Powerful story

I began listening to this audiobook expecting a mildly entertaining, funny, and light-hearted story. Oh my. It was not that at all. There were parts of the book that were funny, and there were parts that were light entertainment. But the main story is how Darrell Hammond was horribly abused by his mother, and how that abuse has affected him in negative ways all throughout his life. It's a story with a punch. I cannot begin to imagine the internal pain that Hammond lives with every day.

Back to the book: The first part of the book drags in many places (way too much time spent on his childhood baseball games). Try to make it through the first half, because the second half of the book is when Hammond really begins to describe his painful experiences, both as an adult and as a child. The second half is where the book becomes engaging. We learn about the source of his problems, which is the extreme abuse inflicted on him by his mother. The second half of the book is disturbing to listen to, but it's compelling.

If you're interested in Darrell Hammond at all I recommend this book. Just know that this book is a real memoir of Hammond's painful life, and it can be heavy and depressing at times.

6 people found this helpful

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  • Kitteh
  • 2018-09-15

Wow

I heard a snippet of an interview with Darrell Hammond on the Bob and Tom show where he mentioned his book. I’ve always been a fan so I decided to download and listen. I was blown away at his story and what he has been through. I have struggled with anxiety and depression in my life and listening to his story hit me on a very personal level.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Lionel
  • 2021-03-30

listen to this

This guy is so much more than an artist, so much more than a comedian, so much more than a master of impressions. He's a genius. A genius who is surviving trauma. I'm pretty much obsessed with all things SNL. This book delivers on giving familiar and unique perspective on that "institution." But at the end of the day, what you get is insight into the human spirit.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Ziggy3339
  • 2020-06-29

Best. Book. Ever.

The author possesses both grace & style.To me he’s brilliant, introspective , courageous and insightful. Read very few reviews, usually in bed before SNL & saw the author only in little bleeps on YouTube.. ( I’m not hip). All that said, this book has me nearly speechless. It’s profound (for me) and a true story that’s mind boggling (to say the least). I’m dumbfounded . Much if it is about SNL and the life of all of that. If you are connected or a fan it’s going to be fun & enriching. If not so connected, it’ll still be good. Because it’s all really crucial to the story of this author’s life. His life is a song of a current ongoing miracle, and how THAT unfolds . It’s a story of unthinkable child abuse , the results and what had to transpire for this ultimate healing to begin for him. Firstly, he’s brilliant as a performer, in the WAY he chose to begin talking about who he became , why and the extreme life he lives . Also, his energy is intense and magnetic in essence (for me). The fact that the author is actually reading the story, using his own voice makes this book more than worth spending the time to have a listen. Now wait, at first I wasn’t paying close attention (remember I got it as a diversion, a break from more “serious” books ). But hanging I there I found I was at first concerned, worried and then startled. I cared. Still do. Want to just nuzzle up with him and back away simultaneously from his very VERY bright light. He’s unique, although saying that might not be something I’d say to his face. I found myself rooting for him, cheering for him along the way. I had to look up certain sexual terms and that was fun, too. Who knew? The guys had one heck of a ride & I’m left with hope . My wish is to hear him again in anything he wants to do for audible, Disney, documentaries, anything at all. My wish is to now go watch more of him on YouTube. He’s a star, a mentor to most anyone, a sincere guy. I LOVED the book. While I’d pay more money to hear about his discussions and struggles , memories and details of his childhood, I don’t think it’s possible for him to go through all that (and be healthy). I want only the sun on his heart from here on in. Thank him for the heart wrenching truth he was able to tell. I’ll never forget it. Hope is a big deal.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Connie
  • 2019-04-16

Out of tragedy comes triumph!

What everyone knows about Darrell Hammond... he’s a comedic giant. He is so very funny and his impressions are always spot on. I’m so glad he shares a few in this book as I miss seeing him regularly on SNL. What I think most don’t know about, including myself, is his tragic and abusive childhood. He opens his life and his heart in this book and proves there is never a clear path to overcoming obstacles. But with life experiences, time, rehab, introspection, and good therapy, each puzzle piece of his life forms a beautiful masterpiece.

2 people found this helpful