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  • Insecure in Love

  • How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It
  • Written by: Leslie Becker-Phelps PhD
  • Narrated by: Susan Boyce
  • Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars (57 ratings)

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Insecure in Love

Written by: Leslie Becker-Phelps PhD
Narrated by: Susan Boyce
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Publisher's Summary

Has your romantic partner called you clingy, insecure, desperate, or jealous? No one wants to admit that they possess these qualities, but if you find yourself constantly on the alert, anxious, or worried when it comes to your significant other, you may suffer from anxious attachment, a fear of abandonment that is often rooted in early childhood experiences.

In Insecure in Love, you'll learn how to overcome attachment anxiety using compassionate self-awareness, a technique that can help you recognize your negative thoughts or unhealthy behavior patterns and respond to them in a nurturing way - rather than beating yourself up. You'll also learn how insecurity can negatively affect healthy dialogue between you and your partner (or potential partners) and develop the skills needed to stop you from reverting back to old patterns of neediness and possessiveness.

©2014 Leslie Becker-Phelps (P)2015 Tantor

What the critics say

"A godsend for those who unknowingly bring a lot of angst into a relationship." ( Library Journal)

What listeners say about Insecure in Love

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  • E
  • 2020-06-15

Narrator is painful

Teaches you about attachment styles & gives some good relationship advice if you can get past the narrator. (She sounds like Siri)

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7 people found this helpful

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  • MSP
  • 2021-01-14

Excellent Book, Very Relatable

This book is extremely helpful and very relatable. I found it tremendously helpful for my anxiety, depression and figuring out my attachment style. This gave me tools to open up my thinking and also topics to further discuss in therapy.

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Gem of a Book on Anxious Attachment Style

It’s a gem of a book on attachment theory-right up there with ‘Attached’ that I loved so much. I found much of the advice geared towards people with Anxious attachment style and that’s exactly what I needed. There are some beautiful portions on developing self compassion, self love, mindfulness techniques, the importance of forgiveness and moving on, when to break up, how to argue and handle conflicts in intimate relationships; the psychological and childhood reasons behind certain attachment styles; how to identify and stay away from avoidant people; how and why we should choose nice, boring guys instead of the exciting but unavailable ones or the ones that the world thinks is the prize catch; the necessity of having a support network & varied interests instead of clinging to one false Prince Charming desperately for dear life and exercises to help develop your self esteem and self compassion. I gained a lot of insight into my psyche and the inner landscapes of many other people I know - making me understand in detail why we behave the way we behave. Much of the information here can be found in other attachment theory books that I have read through Audible, but it is explained here in a lot of nuanced detail and dealt with in a sensitive manner. I just wish I had read this book 20 years ago and followed the advice at that age. My life wouldn’t be such a mess then. I use some of the advice shared here in other, more professional walks of life to great benefit.
I purchased the hard copy of this book so that I can highlight certain portions and keep it for my personal library…it’s that good and beneficial for me. I would definitely recommend this book - ‘Insecure in Love’ and ‘Attached’ if you want to break out of some very negative, life destroying patterns of always falling for the unavailable guys who leave you broken, damaged and traumatised for life.

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This should be required reading for everyone.

Lots of useful information on how different people behave in relationships. Very useful to understand attachment anxiety in yourself or others.
Narration in the audio book was a little annoying because you could hear them drink tea or something. But still worthwhile.

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stop swallow

The reader kept swallowing really hard. it lessened the experience. it was a very ucky sound and it made me want to stop listening many times during the audio book.

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Amazing book on Relationship Attachment styles

I was recommended this book by my Therapist to assist me with understanding my attachment style, why I react/act in certain ways, how or what to expect, can expect, "allowed" to expect from relationships. It helped me with this and more. It provides great practical examples, exercises and tools to move into more healthy ways. Easy to understand. Will definitely re-listen more than twice and refer to help me if going through tough times in relationships, or general.

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A Must-Listen!

This book does a great job of explaining attachment styles in-depth, where they stem from, how they impact our relationships in adulthood and what can be done to have healthier relationships in our lives. By cultivating this strong awareness of self and others in a new light, it's possible to have stronger relationships with ourselves, our partners, and even friends and family. Highly recommend.

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  • erika
  • 2016-02-08

attachment theory

good book i learned a lot, it has a lot of ideas mirroring "attached" which i recommend reading first

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20 people found this helpful

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  • Ellice Tan
  • 2019-01-30

Narrator, Please Take a Drink—I Beg You

As far as the book goes, it’s amazing, and I highly recommend it to anyone—especially those suffering from an anxious attachment style. However, as far as the actual audiobook goes, I couldn’t wait for it to be over. It was so painful to listen to the narrator’s dry mouth. I cringed every time she swallowed or opened her mouth to read. It was extremely distracting. I had to force myself to listen to the whole thing.

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19 people found this helpful

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  • Danika
  • 2017-01-28

Excellent book

This book really helped me understand why I reacted certain ways in past relationships AND it has great exercises to help move toward a more secure way of thinking. If you've ever asked yourself, "Why did I do that?", or if you've ever felt you didn't deserve to be loved this is a must read.

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16 people found this helpful

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  • R+G=N&EJ
  • 2016-09-06

Need a companion workbook or the written text.

Lots of excellent suggested self work but hard to stop what your doing when listening to audio Will be purchasing the written book and / or workbook if available

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  • Bryce Dickerson
  • 2018-07-05

I don’t normally leave reviews

This book was absolutely incredible, so many powerful insights to help mainly people struggling with insecurity in love relationships. I can’t recommend it enough

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  • Corey
  • 2016-06-21

Great book!

Very therapeutic researched advice that helped me a lot in dealing with an avoidant female. Couldn't recommend this book enough for anyone.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 2017-09-06

Excellent read

I really enjoyed the book and was surprised at how much it knew about my anxiously attached behaviors. If you want to read something that will give you tools to get out of the anxious cycle you are and and have a healthy lasting relationship, buy this book.

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  • shandra518
  • 2017-08-29

great read

Definitely helpful for learning how to manage my own emotions and feelings. definitely recommend to others who want to have more self control and want to feel like they are empowered.

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  • Idalin Bobe
  • 2020-04-28

A must read for understanding attachment styles

This book discusses both anxious and avoidant style, and of course secure. The exercises allows you to dig in to any wound you may be struggling with and see it from a different perspective. You may cry while listening, or after doing an exercise, but more importantly you will feel yourself giving yourself a huge hug. This book is quite lovely! Very understanding on how it discusses attachment styles in a none judgmental way.
Worth the investment!

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  • Will Rodgers
  • 2016-12-28

This offers hope

If you have difficulty with relationships or pervasive patterns of problems in relationships, listen to the book. Twice preferably.

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