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Not 'Just Friends'

Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
Narrated by: Laural Merlington
Length: 15 hrs and 10 mins
Categories: Self-Help, Relationships
4.5 out of 5 stars (6 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.

©2004 Shirley Glass, Jean Coppock Staeheli (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

What the critics say

Not ‘Just Friends’ puts a new face on infidelity. The author, using clinical experience and current research, broadens its definition, causes, and means of resolution. I recommend it for anyone considering an affair, in an affair, or recovering from an affair.” (Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples)
“A must-read for anyone who ever hopes to be happy in a long-term relationship.” (Pat Love, Ed.D., author of The Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy)

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Useful, but dated

Overall helpful advice for various difficult relationship situations, but at times seemed quite dated, both in its references to old technology and old-fashioned gender stereotypes.

0 of 1 people found this review helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Arleen
  • 2012-11-05

This book has changed my life. Amazing!

Where does Not 'Just Friends' rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

By far, the best self-help book that I've ever bought.

What did you like best about this story?

The book has changed my whole perspective on infedelity. I really CAN conquer infedelity and recuperate from it.

What about Laural Merlington’s performance did you like?

I wish I had even a 1/3 of her vocabulary! She's a walking dictionary which makes listening, much more attention-grabbing.

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

The whole book reached to the depths of my soul and gently pulled me up. I no longer feel guilt, blame, shame or defective. It's not me.

Any additional comments?

This book is for the cheater and the cheated. It's for before, during and after infedelity. A MUST read for anyone entering a relationship of any kind.

7 of 8 people found this review helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars
  • Jacque Martin
  • 2018-02-28

Content is good but reader/voice is cold and robotic

People recovering from infidelity need comfort, wisdom, counseling and warmth. Lots of good info here but the audio is so impersonal and offputting that I couldn't get past the first 20 mins. Very unfortunate.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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    1 out of 5 stars
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  • K
  • 2017-02-04

WORST to Read/Listen to if you are well past D Day

What would have made Not 'Just Friends' better?

Sordid details of the cheater's EXACT experiences made me sick. Thumbs down, does not help someone trying to move on from those images in a now healthier marriage. Made my days more difficult.

Would you ever listen to anything by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli again?

No

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Extremely unhelpful to the person who is 18 months or more past D Day. Truly do not want to hear the turmoil & details from the cheater's point of view. THIS DID NOT HELP ME! It simply created more questions in my head when I'm trying to move on with a changed person I HATED THIS BOOK!

5 of 6 people found this review helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Anomoly
  • United States
  • 2013-09-19

Ever heard 'Just Friends' or I love you BUT...

If you could sum up Not 'Just Friends' in three words, what would they be?

This book is for anyone who has ever heard 'we are just friends' or I love you but i'm not in love with you or been involved in an affair (the betrayed, the affair partner OR lover) or even if you are trying to 'affair proof' your marriage... this book hits all angles and is very well written.

I highly recommend it.

What other book might you compare Not 'Just Friends' to and why?

What makes love last or Hold me tight - because all three are a must have for all marriages.

What does Laural Merlington bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

Very well read, it is a pleasure to listen too.

What insight do you think you’ll apply from Not 'Just Friends'?

Understanding affairs from many angles in an insightful way.

Any additional comments?

If your life has been touched by an affair, even if it is past and long gone... read this book.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • timtam
  • 2015-10-02

Affair Recovery Manual and More

Any additional comments?

This book is really comprehensive on this topic. It gives examples as well as suggestions regarding how to understand how certain kinds of affairs happen. It also talks about recovery from affairs and what helps and hinders. If you are looking for support on this journey, this book will do the trick. The only drawback, has probably to do with the difficulty of the subject matter, not the skill of the author or reader. It's a big book and a long audiobook, it's easy to get worn out listening without taking breaks. Potentially, the author could have condensed some material, but again, maybe not.

4 of 5 people found this review helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Laura L. Tranbarger
  • Cleveland, OH
  • 2015-02-05

Incredibly beneficial!

This allowed us to get the immediate help we needed while waiting on or in between counseling sessions. I highly recommend it.

4 of 5 people found this review helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • Heather
  • 2015-10-14

Good book to listen to with your partner.

My partner and I listened to this book after wounds started to heal from his sex addiction. It was reassuring to know that we had already done many of the suggested ideas to recover together. We got further value out of this book by listening at a time where we could pause and ask each other questions. We felt it sparked great closure conversations and dug just a little deeper than we had already dug.
The only reason I rated it a 4 instead of a 5 is because of the religious undertones. If you take those as just suggestions or with a grain of salt, it's fine. Its very difficult to find material like this that does not reference religion.

4 of 6 people found this review helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Pauline Ghougasian
  • 2016-01-30

read and listened

read 50 articles online...read 10 books about infadelity , tapes...this was the best bar none

2 of 3 people found this review helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
  • AmyKins
  • 2019-10-01

Loved the book, NOT the reader

So much great content in this book.
The reader has an irritating voice and makes a very “wimpy/Whitney/dumb” tone when reading the parts of the men. I books hardly stand it!
It’s been a major roadblock for my husband to listen to it. He just “can’t stand that voice!”

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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  • Danielle Martinez
  • FORRESTON, TX, US
  • 2019-08-16

Missing time

This reading skips a large chunk of the book. This reading wasn't worth the money.