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  • Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

  • Written by: Margalis Fjelstad, Jean McBride
  • Narrated by: Senn Annis
  • Length: 6 hrs and 33 mins
  • 4.9 out of 5 stars (9 ratings)

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Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

Written by: Margalis Fjelstad,Jean McBride
Narrated by: Senn Annis
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Publisher's Summary

Being partnered with a narcissist or borderline personality can be hard enough, but learning how to shield children from the fallout is paramount. Here, the authors tell listeners how to manage parenting when a narcissistic or borderline partner is part of the equation.

Life in a narcissistic family system is at best challenging, and too often filled with chaos, isolation, emotional outbursts, and rigid controlling behaviors. It is too often devoid of peace and emotional safety. In the worst outcomes, children in these families grow up with low self-worth, issues with trust and belonging, and a lack of self-compassion. They are at significant risk of carrying the cycle forward and having poor adult relationships. This book offers a way to intervene and disrupt the cycle of negative outcomes for children. 

Authored two family therapists who bring a combined total of 60 years of clinical practice with individuals and families, the book pulls no punches, giving clear-headed advice, easy-to-follow actions to help children, and an abundance of teaching examples. Instead of the doom and gloom scenarios often presented about life with a narcissist or borderline, this book provides a much more positive outlook, and most importantly, it offers hope and a path to an entirely different outcome for the family members. 

Supported by current research in neuroscience and mindfulness, and parenting information, the book focuses on teaching resilience and self-compassion to raise emotionally healthy children, even in a narcissistic family system. It starts by helping parents get a clear understanding of what they face with a narcissistic or borderline partner. There is no room here for denial, but there are also many options to explore. It explains how and why the narcissistic family system functions so poorly for raising healthy children, and pinpoints the deficits while providing information on how to intervene more effectively for the benefit of the children. 

Using their years of experience, the authors present ideas for staying together as well as knowing when to leave the relationship and how best to do that. Emphasis throughout the book is on supporting and strengthening the listener with encouragement, concrete ideas, skills, and compassionate understanding.

©2020 Margalis Fjelstad and Jean McBride (P)2020 Rowman & Littlefield

What listeners say about Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

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  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars

a guideline for condoning abusive behaviours

This whole book is just about how to avoid and manage an abusive partner's behaviours. Should be called a guide to walking on eggshells. I only gave it one star cause I couldn't give it zero.

if your partner acts like this, get out as fast as you can.

2 people found this helpful

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Liberating

If you've sought this book out you are likely....having a time. Let me assure you this book will make things feel less scary and much more manageable. It's honest, and practical and despite some hard truths, is very comforting. You essentially receive the professional, compassionate and non-judgement advise and support you would expect of a therapist in book format.

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  • Danielle Smith
  • 2021-06-16

Hope Found

Incredibly empowering! I now have a how-to guide in this previously thought, hopeless impossible situation. My children will be ok. Thank you

6 people found this helpful

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  • Joseph McGraw
  • 2021-03-21

Wish I had when my kids were younger

Dr. Fjelstad and colleagues write so clearly and helpfully it amazes me. All of her books have been so helpful, brave, and honest. So many healthcare practitioners want to hide behind clinical jargon and keep you on a hamster wheel that catering to the borderlines and narcissists in your life. Finally someone who has the bravery to tell the truth.

4 people found this helpful

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  • A. Wence
  • 2021-07-19

A Must Read for Those Raising a Child with an NPD or BPD Parent

The writers of this book have a very thorough and clear understanding of the challenges presented when trying to raise children with an NP or BP parent. This book is well-organized and written in such a way that I felt encouraged, validated and supported. It offers both realistic and compassionate solutions while addressing the anger and frustration felt in these households. The volume and value of information presented in this book is equivalent to an entire course on the subject. It was an easy listen, aside from the tolerable, but slightly robotic narration. This book is essentially a “how to” guide to getting your sanity back and learning how to navigate parenting under such difficult circumstances.

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  • Robert
  • 2021-09-29

Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent

This book has been extremely helpful. It affirmed some of the things I’m doing as well as gave me many new insights into steps to take. It gave me more hope and is a book I’ll listen to over again. I never read books twice unless I know I can get more out of it with each read.

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  • Whitney Vasquez
  • 2021-07-26

great book!

This is a great book for those of us dealing with a narcissist ex

2 people found this helpful

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  • Matthew Kimber
  • 2022-08-11

Accurate Description and Context

I unfortunately find myself in the position described in the book. I have read a lot about the topic and keep hoping for a solution, but ultimately it seems there isn’t a clear cut approach. The book does a great job explaining, giving context, and validating but really only presents mitigative approaches. Still worth the read though.

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  • Amazon Customer T
  • 2023-01-27

So helpful

Definitely a must read for parents with a significant other/spouse with BPD/NPD. Validates many thoughts and feelings and provides many helpful suggestions. Let’s you know the “model” everyone else shoves at you to do, does not fit for relationships with a BPD/NPD. But….gives hope that a relationship can continue. Also, very realistic. Doesn’t just try to make everything sound perfect or easy.

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  • Jesse Kandel
  • 2022-12-23

Extremely helpful for a single dad.

Extremely helpful, whether divorced or not, even for couples that just seem to struggle at times.

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  • Stephanie
  • 2022-12-15

Very helpful!

Must read for anyone dealing with a partner/ex with narcissistic or borderline personality disorder traits.

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  • Shannon
  • 2022-11-23

Spot on!

I have recently cut off the NP parent. This book is giving me the weapons I need to keep myself and our child safe from their emotional instability. This is a book I will listen to several times taking notes along the way!