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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can - and Should - Be Saved
Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
Length: 13 hrs and 51 mins
Categories: Self-Help, Relationships
4.5 out of 5 stars (7 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward, with or without their partners. Women involved in chronically frustrating or unfulfilling relationships will learn to: tell the difference between a healthy yet difficult relationship and one that is really not working, recognize the signs that their partner has a serious problem, stop waiting to see what happens and make their own growth the top priority, and prepare for life without their partner, even as they keep trying to make the relationship work.

©2011 Lundy Bancroft and Judith Patrissi (P)2015 Tantor

What the critics say

"Women needing to check in objectively on their relationship's health will find this book quite useful." ( Publishers Weekly)

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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    5 out of 5 stars

Nails it in every way

Lundy Bancroft is the only author who truly understands the plight of women in relationships.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Jeremy Hancock
  • 2016-04-08

Paradigm Shift

This book completely shifted my paradigm. I found this book after my wife told me she wanted a divorce and I could not see why. I actually resented her for wanting to divorce me. While reading this book I identified my own self fascination and immaturity as the root cause of our marital problems. It has changed my outlook and the resentment I had towards her is gone.

22 of 22 people found this review helpful

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  • Adri
  • 2019-05-26

Lundy Bancroft is literally my hero!

Jac Patrissi is also amazing for writing this book. I mention Lundy Bancroft because I first discovered him 6-7 years ago with his amazing book, "Why Does He Do That?" If you haven't listened yet, I HIGHLY recommend you get it. Sadly, I am still with the man for which I got Lundy's first book. I tried leaving him shortly after listening to the previous book, but I ended up going back. My spouse is great at convincing me that most of our problems are due to me, and I'm great at feeling guilt and shame over it. Oh, and my husband is great at getting me to doubt my own perceptions, which is also covered in this book. I willfully put on my wife blinders 6 years ago because I didn't want to face a failed marriage or life without my husband. I still love him, but like Tina Turner sings, "What's love got to do with it?" I've been getting drained emotionally, financially, physically and spiritually. I've been slowly fading away, so the dynamics have to change.

Last February, my wife blinders fell off, as I knew they would when I was ready to face my pain. I knew the pain caused by my relationship would eventually outdo the pain of facing reality. Since my husband is great at getting me to doubt myself, this book offers validation so many times that I'm on the right track. It's like they wrote the book specifically with my husband in mind. It's validating to know that I'm not alone. It's validating to know there are well known character flaws and types, that my husband has several of these flaws, that there are explanations regarding why he lies, manipulates and abuses me, and what I can do to moving forward. The authors give so much detail and education, you will be able to make decisions regarding your next steps and specific situation. They also offer many exercises to help you put your energy towards you and not so much towards a destructive man and relationship.

I will listen to this book repeatedly. I need it in my ear to combat my husband's claims that everything is my fault. He hurt my feelings - it's my fault. He scares me when he drives. According to him, that's my fault, too. It's nice to have a book that explains why his actions are his responsibility. It helped me be able to clearly draw the line on his part vs my part. I have a clear path about what I can do and how I can ensure I don't stay in a destructive relationship. I don't do this book justice, but it's the best one I'm read on abusive, narcissistic, immature, and/or addicted men. The authors give helpful information whether you decide to stay or leave. They understand the complications of a destructive relationship, and they understand that it has to be our decision. But wow, it's amazing how much they cleared things up up for me. I see my relationship more clearly than I ever have. I clearly see what I want to do next.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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  • alee2012
  • 2019-03-26

Loved it!

Very helpful! Now I know what I need to do, and where my spouse currently is in himself. I feel a weight off, just knowing I'm not going crazy, and his research backs me up. Thank you!

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  • lisa randolph
  • 2018-12-04

Excellent descriptions

The author really delves in to get to the root of a dysfunctional relationship and offers many solutions and outcomes for various scenarios.. He is not biased but very stern on how an individual should evaluate and access their own situation

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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  • Annette
  • 2016-03-30

This book is life changing

One of the best book's I ever read in my life. full of knowledge and wisdom.

7 of 10 people found this review helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 2019-11-09

Excellent for those in extreme situations

This is written with extreme relationship issues that need to be addressed. Good beginning support for those that want to really try to change things and good support if you try and it doesn't work out. Some good principles woven in that every relationship should follow as well.

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  • Cindergirl
  • 2019-10-05

Helpful beyond price !

Any woman who needs serious guidance should listen to this book.
The information is so well presented and non judgmental.

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  • Lacey
  • 2019-06-28

fantastic!

everyone needs to read our listen to this book! it's insight is vital for a healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 2019-11-09

Most unuseful bunch of B.S. I ever listened

This book is full of nothing but common sense assumptions and thats about it, it continually asks questions is this your problem or is this your problem or perhaps this is your problem. And, in the end never gives you what to do if this is your problem except oh thats not really a problem or yep you should leave. Well, Ms Bancroft (I am assuming Ms because with your opinions don't think you are actually in a relationship with anyone) and Mr Patrissi ( I would offer you the same prefix if genderly available) wheres the damn info about what to do if your relationship can and should be saved thanks for that chapter DA's. And, I am pretty sure neither one of you geniuses even suffered from addiction by your matter a fact aproach to the subject. You are two poster children for the saying just because you think it doesn't mean you should say it or write it in this circumstance. Dont quit you day jobs AH's.

0 of 1 people found this review helpful