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  • The Dance of Anger

  • A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
  • Written by: Harriet Lerner
  • Narrated by: Barbara Caruso
  • Length: 6 hrs and 50 mins
  • 4.6 out of 5 stars (144 ratings)

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The Dance of Anger cover art

The Dance of Anger

Written by: Harriet Lerner
Narrated by: Barbara Caruso
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Publisher's Summary

Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention. We all have a right to everything we feel - and certainly our anger is no exception.

"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches both women and men to identify the true sources of anger and to use it as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.

For decades this book has helped millions of listeners learn how to turn their anger into a constructive force for reshaping their lives. With a new introduction by the author, The Dance of Anger is ready to lead the next generation.

©1985 Harriet G. Lerner (P)1999 Recorded Books, LLC

What listeners say about The Dance of Anger

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    5 out of 5 stars

A must-have day-to-day guide!

Love, love, love this book!
I was really upset with how some of my relatives treated me, and a friend suggested this book.
I learned that me feeling upset is a signal to action. The action is also very well explained in "The Dance of Anger".
In essence, in all your relationships, you are performing a dance with another person or persons. If you change your steps, they must change theirs! And this works! It helped me in my relationships, and I continue applying the concepts that I've learned from this book to my life.
I suggest this book to anyone who is not happy (feels upset or angry) in their relationships with spouses, parents, children, bosses, etc.
This is a step-by-step guide to YOU getting a better understanding of YOUR problems and goals and to working to resolve these problems and achieving these goals.
There are plenty of examples and explanations.
I am listening to this book for the 2nd time now, and am going to keep it handy and listen parts of it again, as needed.

Just note: Chapter 1 begins with some radical feminist opinions. You may disregard those if you don't agree. They don't affect the value of the lessons taught in this book.

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Not a Healthy Approach to Anger

You are far better off reading the works of Beverly Engel to understand what people pleasing is or Patricia Evans to truly grasp what verbal abuse is because these are the very things that Harriet Lerner is asking you to be and tolerate with her Dance of Anger approach. Granted it was published long ago, it’s unnerving to know this perspective is still in circulation and “educating” those who are seeking the tools for health.

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2 people found this helpful

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Phenomenally Practical

This is the best audio book I've listened to so far! Extraordinarily helpful with practical, relevant examples provided. I'm so glad I purchased the audio book on audible so that I can book mark sections for future reference as I will definitely be listening to this book again. Thank you Harriet for all of your work in this area which remains extremely relevant!

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    5 out of 5 stars

very insightful

I was recommended this book because of some anger issues I have been having and was not overly confident it would be helpful but gave it a try because I don't have many other options at this point. I was very pleasant surprise but how helpful this book is for understanding how we can over or under compensate for our or others shortcomings and how it can be projected onto others. It was very enlightening to see an argument or disagreement from more than one angle and therefore will he easier for me to analize who I am truely angry at.

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    4 out of 5 stars

Insightful view of anger and family systems

Systemic, autobiographic approach of anger management in women. Useful, practical ways of changing broken, repetitive patterns. Thorough. I find some parts to be outdated and not trauma informed, like the pressure to remain in contact with toxic family members and the "always take the high road" undertone. Still very relevant in helping women understand how they can change dynamics in their families. For me the most interesting part was learning about countermoves and how they will always happen, even in the most covert ways.

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what a life changing book

Interesting, challenging, gave me some new perspectives, a lot of tips on how to approach or to practice the concepts all given within a feminist perspective and through a great narrator.

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Not good enough

The readers voice and performance was inadequate and annoying. However, the authors's ideas caused me to continue listening through to the end. The author's psychoanalytic theory is lacking and superficial. The burden placed on women to resolve conflict is stunning. No wonder women are angry. Yes, she offers advice on how to manipulate a conflict yet, the burden is still on women to be the elevated smart human being. This book is extremely limited in its application to human psychology. In fairness, she does not proclaim this efficacy, therefore, I recommend her perspective as limited yet quite helpful. Feminism is in crisis.

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  • Kim
  • 2023-02-03

Such amazing information!

Just finished my 3rd listen to this book. I imagine I’ll listen again as there’s so much gold to mine in it. Thank you Harriet Lerner.

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Beyond helpful

A whole new way of thinking, perceiving and responding. I feel more empowered and want to reconnect with family that I’ve been avoiding for some time. I look forward to it.

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Helpful

Many wonderful lessons learned through this book. It definitely helps one figure out some next steps, and how to use your anger as a vehicle for change.

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