A must-have day-to-day guide!

Love, love, love this book!
I was really upset with how some of my relatives treated me, and a friend suggested this book.
I learned that me feeling upset is a signal to action. The action is also very well explained in "The Dance of Anger".
In essence, in all your relationships, you are performing a dance with another person or persons. If you change your steps, they must change theirs! And this works! It helped me in my relationships, and I continue applying the concepts that I've learned from this book to my life.
I suggest this book to anyone who is not happy (feels upset or angry) in their relationships with spouses, parents, children, bosses, etc.
This is a step-by-step guide to YOU getting a better understanding of YOUR problems and goals and to working to resolve these problems and achieving these goals.
There are plenty of examples and explanations.
I am listening to this book for the 2nd time now, and am going to keep it handy and listen parts of it again, as needed.

Just note: Chapter 1 begins with some radical feminist opinions. You may disregard those if you don't agree. They don't affect the value of the lessons taught in this book.

3 people found this helpful

Not a Healthy Approach to Anger

You are far better off reading the works of Beverly Engel to understand what people pleasing is or Patricia Evans to truly grasp what verbal abuse is because these are the very things that Harriet Lerner is asking you to be and tolerate with her Dance of Anger approach. Granted it was published long ago, it’s unnerving to know this perspective is still in circulation and “educating” those who are seeking the tools for health.

2 people found this helpful

Phenomenally Practical

This is the best audio book I've listened to so far! Extraordinarily helpful with practical, relevant examples provided. I'm so glad I purchased the audio book on audible so that I can book mark sections for future reference as I will definitely be listening to this book again. Thank you Harriet for all of your work in this area which remains extremely relevant!

2 people found this helpful

very insightful

I was recommended this book because of some anger issues I have been having and was not overly confident it would be helpful but gave it a try because I don't have many other options at this point. I was very pleasant surprise but how helpful this book is for understanding how we can over or under compensate for our or others shortcomings and how it can be projected onto others. It was very enlightening to see an argument or disagreement from more than one angle and therefore will he easier for me to analize who I am truely angry at.

2 people found this helpful

Insightful view of anger and family systems

Systemic, autobiographic approach of anger management in women. Useful, practical ways of changing broken, repetitive patterns. Thorough. I find some parts to be outdated and not trauma informed, like the pressure to remain in contact with toxic family members and the "always take the high road" undertone. Still very relevant in helping women understand how they can change dynamics in their families. For me the most interesting part was learning about countermoves and how they will always happen, even in the most covert ways.

1 person found this helpful

what a life changing book

Interesting, challenging, gave me some new perspectives, a lot of tips on how to approach or to practice the concepts all given within a feminist perspective and through a great narrator.

1 person found this helpful

Helpful resource

Very helpful resource with good examples. The reader was good even though the tone seemed admonishing at times. Helpful examples to assist applying the content of this book.

Excellent

This audiobook is very informative. The author gives several examples which show how we must act to control our anger and avoid hurting our interlocutors. This allows us to strengthen and not destroy our bonds with others, whoever they are (our parents, our spouse, our children, our brothers and sisters, our friends, our professional relations)!

Really Enjoyed It!

what a great book!
I will for sure reference back to this book and take notes and practice what it teaches and be more aware and mindful with my behaviors towards others.

A Must Read!!

This book is so useful for anyone in relation to anyone!!! not just for couples, so much to be learned for even family dynamics I will warn that it is very heteronormative an cis-normative which might deter some but it unfortunately kind of make sense when you consider it was written in the 80s. If you can listen through that, there is some deep wisdom here on how to take hold of your life and be accountable to yourself.