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Publisher's Summary

Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention. We all have a right to everything we feel - and certainly our anger is no exception.

"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches both women and men to identify the true sources of anger and to use it as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.

For decades this book has helped millions of listeners learn how to turn their anger into a constructive force for reshaping their lives. With a new introduction by the author, The Dance of Anger is ready to lead the next generation.

©1985 Harriet G. Lerner (P)1999 Recorded Books, LLC

What listeners say about The Dance of Anger

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A must-have day-to-day guide!

Love, love, love this book!
I was really upset with how some of my relatives treated me, and a friend suggested this book.
I learned that me feeling upset is a signal to action. The action is also very well explained in "The Dance of Anger".
In essence, in all your relationships, you are performing a dance with another person or persons. If you change your steps, they must change theirs! And this works! It helped me in my relationships, and I continue applying the concepts that I've learned from this book to my life.
I suggest this book to anyone who is not happy (feels upset or angry) in their relationships with spouses, parents, children, bosses, etc.
This is a step-by-step guide to YOU getting a better understanding of YOUR problems and goals and to working to resolve these problems and achieving these goals.
There are plenty of examples and explanations.
I am listening to this book for the 2nd time now, and am going to keep it handy and listen parts of it again, as needed.

Just note: Chapter 1 begins with some radical feminist opinions. You may disregard those if you don't agree. They don't affect the value of the lessons taught in this book.

2 people found this helpful

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Phenomenally Practical

This is the best audio book I've listened to so far! Extraordinarily helpful with practical, relevant examples provided. I'm so glad I purchased the audio book on audible so that I can book mark sections for future reference as I will definitely be listening to this book again. Thank you Harriet for all of your work in this area which remains extremely relevant!

1 person found this helpful

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very insightful

I was recommended this book because of some anger issues I have been having and was not overly confident it would be helpful but gave it a try because I don't have many other options at this point. I was very pleasant surprise but how helpful this book is for understanding how we can over or under compensate for our or others shortcomings and how it can be projected onto others. It was very enlightening to see an argument or disagreement from more than one angle and therefore will he easier for me to analize who I am truely angry at.

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what a life changing book

Interesting, challenging, gave me some new perspectives, a lot of tips on how to approach or to practice the concepts all given within a feminist perspective and through a great narrator.

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Excellent

This audiobook is very informative. The author gives several examples which show how we must act to control our anger and avoid hurting our interlocutors. This allows us to strengthen and not destroy our bonds with others, whoever they are (our parents, our spouse, our children, our brothers and sisters, our friends, our professional relations)!

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Really Enjoyed It!

what a great book!
I will for sure reference back to this book and take notes and practice what it teaches and be more aware and mindful with my behaviors towards others.

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A Must Read!!

This book is so useful for anyone in relation to anyone!!! not just for couples, so much to be learned for even family dynamics I will warn that it is very heteronormative an cis-normative which might deter some but it unfortunately kind of make sense when you consider it was written in the 80s. If you can listen through that, there is some deep wisdom here on how to take hold of your life and be accountable to yourself.

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Read this book when it first came out. Timeless

Read this book when it first came out. Learned so much then. Loved it now, Timeless. Worth the second time around.

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Not a Healthy Approach to Anger

You are far better off reading the works of Beverly Engel to understand what people pleasing is or Patricia Evans to truly grasp what verbal abuse is because these are the very things that Harriet Lerner is asking you to be and tolerate with her Dance of Anger approach. Granted it was published long ago, it’s unnerving to know this perspective is still in circulation and “educating” those who are seeking the tools for health.

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Fantastic book and perspective

Considering this is a book written in the 80s, and to some the ideas might seem irrelevant of the times and antiquated, I found it to be profoundly insightful and timeless to the role our anger plays in our life’s. It is clear that as women we still struggle to maintain our assertiveness when it comes to our emotions without falling into extreme patterns.
I found the tools expressed in every chapter will give me greater perspective in dealing with my own emotional turmoil and sharing those emotions in a more constructive way. I will be listening again.

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  • Mallin
  • 2018-05-18

Quick, concise, tactics and a good narrator

I've never left a review before. I'll first talk about the book, without trying to give away anything (read it!), and then the narrator.

BOOK: This book is really awesome. I'm not a fan of reading self help books, I find them preachy, repetitive, and drawn out. This was the exact opposite. The book was written like a good paper: tell them what you're going to tell them, explain it in detail, summarize what you've told them. She goes over what the book will do and what it won't do. Then she goes into it, providing ONE example. Towards the end, she introduces a new concept. Before she delves into the new concept, she summarizes everything you've just learned, gives a different spin on the example, and tells you what chapter to go back to if you need more help. She then reintroduces the new topic and explores that further. It was very clear, and very quick.

NARRATOR: She did an awesome job. SUPERB. I loved listening to her. I actually thought she was the author because she spoke so authoritatively. She didn't try to get fancy and come up with voices/accents for each character the author noticed. In fact, I did not appreciate how wonderful of a job she did until I started listening to the "Why Won't You Apologize" book by the same author, narrated horribly by someone else. Barbara Caruso did such a good job, I'm going to look for other books narrated by her. But for this self-help book, her ability to speak so clearly and authoritatively really just drove home all the points the author made. It was a wonderful combination.

18 people found this helpful

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  • Two Cents
  • 2016-12-11

Great Material, delivery feels dated

I read this for a class and it was an ideal supplement to my other class texts. The material is good, sometimes the delivery sounds dated. Great read for a man or woman.

6 people found this helpful

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  • Maribe Z.
  • 2017-07-18

Most helpful self help book ever!

Any additional comments?

I originally read this book 20 years ago, and recently felt the need to revisit it. I downloaded the audio book (long commute) and found it just as helpful. The narrator was excellent, and I love the stories and different examples of how to put the advice into play. I only wish that there were a non gender specific version for reluctant men, because the advice given does bridge the gender gap if one is able to "hear" past the she/her narrative.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Knight
  • 2017-07-05

Learn to benefit from power of anger!

Helpful for either gender, and for any relationships. Dr. Lerner explains how we can break the cycle of blaming in a relationship.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Iris Zelada
  • 2019-09-22

So necessary!!!

Wish everyone, especially women had access to such a comprehensive material! You will definitely relate to so many situations described in this book.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Johnny Newell
  • 2019-08-11

even as a man I loved this book.

highly recommend this . So much insight not only for women, but for anyone. I am thankful my wife recommended that I listen.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Danielle D.
  • 2017-03-17

Read it now

So much practical advice and examples help learn your part in your relationships and how to change yourself to change the dynamic

3 people found this helpful

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  • Marcy Field
  • 2020-08-04

Every woman should read this book!

The stories are excrllent examples of problems then showing a better way to think and speak that works.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Meri Levy
  • 2018-10-22

Love the book, but the narrator is a bit clipped

I read this book in my 20s and it really changed my life. I enjoyed hearing it again. It has wonderful tools for changing your relationships.

2 people found this helpful

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  • GI
  • 2018-07-27

A must read to manage your temper

the book gives good care studies of different types of situations where one can learn to manage anger while making oness point of view clear without antagonizing the other

2 people found this helpful

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  • Client d'Amazon
  • 2020-09-22

de la sagesse pour transformer la colere

ce livre est vraiment très intéressant et très sage. Il apporte une nouvelle vision sur la manière de gérer/ subir la colère. Que ce soit la notre ou celle des autres. J'avais lu avant la communication non violente de Marschall Rosenberg. Ce livre y ressemble beaucoup dans la manière de traiter le sujet de la communication, mais apporte une nouvelle vision. Une perle pour changer notre façon a tous de voir les conflits !
Le livre est écrit par une femme, et donc certains passages sont plus orientés en ce sens: une vision féminine de la colère pour aider les femmes... Mais dans sa globalité le livre peut apporter autant aux femmes qu'aux hommes.

le livre est lu en anglais, de manière claire et bien rythmé, sans mots complexes. C'est un vrai plaisir pour les gens dont l'anglais n'est pas la langue maternelle. Pour améliorer son anglais par exemple.
( ici est commenté la version audio non abrégé du livre )

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  • Kindle Customer
  • 2019-09-20

loved it

Loved it! I hope that all my family members will agree to read this book!