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The Ethical Slut

Written by: Janet W. Hardy,Dossie Easton
Narrated by: Janet W. Hardy,Dossie Easton
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Publisher's Summary

For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer. Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle - from self-reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family. Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries, resolve conflicts, and to define relationships on their own terms.

©1994 Celestial Arts (P)2012 Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy

What the critics say

"I couldn't stop reading it, and I for one identify as an ethical slut. This is a book for anyone interested in creating more pleasure in their lives...a complete guide to improving any style of relating, from going steady to having an extended family of sexual friends." (Betty Dodson, PhD, author of Sex for One)

What listeners say about The Ethical Slut

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This is the relationship Bible

I find myself recommending this to pretty much everyone. It's fantastic for anyone interested in polyamory but it's also pretty great with just general relationship advice

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Nothing that enlightening

meh. repeated the same mantra over and over again. Nothing here is based on understanding of human psychology it basically 60s free love.

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Just talk about it

For good f***ing's sake, just be honest to people you fuck about who you fuck, if they would like to know that info (a preference which you should already have asked about, tactfully. Yes it is difficult to do well).

Don't forget to keep 'em gloves on, and get tested.

Variation in audio quality was a minor gripe of mine.

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Yuck!

I think this book was written by someone with a sex addiction and avoidant attachment style. it was way more political than I expected going into it. characterizing monogamy more like the handmades tale than honestly trying to understand it. using lots of "us vs them" language, it does a good job sounding academic but it doesnt actually cite any studies or data. cherry picking what science it does reference and presenting anecdotes as facts. look, relationships are hard. maybe this book speaks to people who dont really know where they fit in society. fair enough. if this is being presented to college sorority types, ok, go nuts. but to apply this to any adult genuinely looking for love, it's great advice if you want to die alone. and dont believe anyone who tells you this is a sexual education book. It offers some sexual etiquette advice but this is by no means an appropriate book to be presenting to minors. unless you want them parading around how "proud" they are to be a "slut". yes it goes there too. it uses classic manipulation tactics and reads more as a rebuke on monogamy than anything resembling advocacy for polyamory. read it. understand it. practice tolerance when you're confronted with disgust. keep an open mind. I am not here to yuck anyone else's yum but I can't ignore the bad taste in my mouth. I think this book has probably done more harm than good.

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Quintessential advice on relations, sex, and love

THE ETHICAL SLUT

This is an essential read for anyone regardless of orientation, sexual lifestyle, and experience; Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton take care and with conviction offer their insights.

Subtitled a book on polyamory and other adventures, I found the book to be just as rich and helpful when discussing any and everything from monogamous relationships, to safe and passionate sex, how to deal with emotions including jealously, how to identify and have your needs met, self-care and caring for your partner/s, child-rearing, and much more. 

Staying true to its title, every chapter is fitted with guiding messages on ethics and behaviour. In reading this you may awaken to the realisations that all sexual lifestyles are in essence correct, so long as you are honest, trusting, communicative, and considerate. Anecdotes, exercises, and an easy to reference layout help to ease you into this fundamental exploration of your identity and/or further you along in expressing yourself.

Reviewed via Audible, the authors as the narrator are calming and carry the appropriate weight in presenting their decades of experience, through highs, lows, and everything in between. Even if you do not plan on open relationships, or having multiple partners, I am sure you will come away from this book with advice you may not have known you needed or could make use of.

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Mostly Good... but... that ending. Nope.

TW: SA

I work in mental health and told clients who were exploring poly about this book before I read it myself as it was mentioned to me by other counsellors. And I regret it. There are some great things. Some out dated things (2008- they used "transgendered", which sucks as I suggested it to trans people). Some things I flat out disagreed with. And that last chapter ruined all of the positives for me.

They were very clear about consent and the importance of it. Fantastic. This was reiterated time and time again. But that last chapter was very *not* consensual, but was played off as a beautiful thing. I won't go into details. But my dudes. That was bad and left me furious they would even think that was remotely consensual.

I kind of want to contact everyone I've told about this book and apologize. Thankfully, I don't think anyone got to the end because they found a lot of issues with it and went "meh, I got some good stuff out if it, but I'm not finishing it."

If you want some decent information and perspectives, you can read this with multiple grains of salt, and you don't read the last chapter, this might be helpful or interesting to you.

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nope

no thanks. this is outdated and won't do well no matter how many updates you do.

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A guide to hierarchical polyamory

There were a lot of great things about this, and some I really disagree with. There is a strong bias toward hierarchical polyamory and advice on maintaining that, which doesn't resonate with me. I don't agree with all the advice they give (like setting up times to fight with a partner, even if you don't have any disagreements) but mostly it seems to be helpful for people looking to open an already existing relationship.

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Everyone should read this

This is a very valuable book for anyone in a loving relationship where it be with one, two, three or More people. Amazing communication and relationship building exercises!

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Fantastic Book

I needed to read that because of my current relationship and how it’s expanding. Thank you!

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  • Troy
  • 2015-07-28

The information and advice is 100% totally solid!

Where does The Ethical Slut rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

The open mindedness, sex positive approach, and enthusiasm was enjoyable.

What did you like best about this story?

Good solid read, with enough examples to use in everyday life.

What didn’t you like about Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton ’s performance?

Having a younger, more modern adaption would have enhanced my experience. Their performance was good, my extreme reaction was more toward the grandma-like reading from Hardy and Easton - describing hardcore sex acts in detail to 20 and 30 something’s leaves a little bit to be desired.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Hire a much younger staff and make it relevant to our modern time.

Any additional comments?

I don’t want anyone to misinterpret this review, this book is great! – all the information herein is solid, well delivered, and 100% on point. I have been in a relationship for 8 years where my wife and I love to take women home for 3 way sex, bondage and discipline, top/bottom sex – or whatever you want to call it. This book is specifically geared to relationships like these. Some of the ladies we hook up with end up staying around for a while because it just works - some don’t. This book is very good at looking at the dynamic of relationships like these and also very good at offering advice for this type of situation.My critique lies in the delivery, and approach. No offense to the authors who also speak the audio commentary (read the book to you), but the experience is like having my hippy grandmother tell me very detailed stories about how her and all her old friends used to get it on back in the day. A lot of the material doesn’t translate well to someone who is, say in their 20’s or 30’s; it just doesn’t – I feel our generation is way more open than those of the past. So even though, all the information in the book is absolutely great advise for a kinky relationship or a vanilla relationship. They push good, open values that stress on the importance of communication, it's just weird having it told to you by an older person. So I would suggest this book to everybody – just be ready to have it read to you by a nice old woman who loves to use terms like cunt, cock, & ass fucking.

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  • CrashingGirl
  • 2018-03-01

Great for all but really great for beginners.

This was the sixth book I’ve read on this subject as I attempt to move from monogamy to a open relationship. The idea was completely scary and foreign to me however this is one of my favorite books that really gave me some relevant information and tips on how to manage through this transition. I feel I’m well on my way to understanding where I sit in on different relationship styles. I highly recommend this book for anyone considering or currently in this lifestyle. I may return to monogamy eventually however I feel this book helps me get a good understanding of my other options leaving me feeling non-judge and free to make a choice regardless of what that is. The authors are very kind and gentle however direct in the information provided

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  • Quinton Mccorquodale
  • 2018-01-24

A Practical Guide that is wholly impractical.

What disappointed you about The Ethical Slut?

It lacked depth, citing itself to be a practical guide to polyamory for everyone. Telling the reader to write a journal in felt marker, buy sexy feeling underwear and recite mantras of self-worth felt less like a guide based of facts and more of a subjective set of recommendations from a couple. It glosses over some major pitfalls that I have personally seen in polyamorous relationships with recommendations that consist almost solely of "talk it out". It takes a scenario for a specific type of couple, in a specific dynamic and applies it elsewhere.

What was most disappointing about Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton ’s story?

It defined sex as a ubiquitous thing (equitable with being turned on) towards the start of the book. Later, it narrowed good sex to being a spiritual oneness with another akin to a state of nirvana. Those of us not looking to achieve transcendence when being fellated by an acquaintance don't need to be told to strive for enlightenment. Sex can be a powerful bonding experience between intimates. It can be a meaningless release between strangers. Neither is invalid.

What didn’t you like about Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton ’s performance?

It felt juvenile. Maybe it's the writing style, but there was this tittering tone to it that lost its appeal well within the first chapters. Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I like my practical guides to be practical. You know, no-nonsense. I don't need an eighteen minute story about a woman finding love amidst a fisting at an orgy.

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Wrath.

Any additional comments?

If the concept is completely foreign to you, if the book is free, then go for it. Cannibalize the useful information from the chapters that apply to you and discard the rest. I assure you when I say you'll have missed nothing.

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  • Angie Holubowich
  • 2016-04-19

Like a "Choose your own Adventure" book about sex.

Would you try another book from Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton and/or Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton ?

No, I do not think their viewpoints and spectrum of knowledge are helpful to me.

Would you ever listen to anything by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton again?

No

Which scene was your favorite?

The chapter on sex parties and group sex were the most useful.

Was The Ethical Slut worth the listening time?

At a mere 10 hours, you would think it would have been easier to handle. But I found this book to be a trudge through monotone voices and delusional sexual utopia.

Any additional comments?

I really looked forward to this book. All the reviews and feedback from friends and colleagues, I expected a revelation and what I got instead was a book that was constantly telling me to refer to another chapter for more information. (A little hard to do when you are listening to an audio book.)

The authors speak a lot about their own personal lives and their existence within a sexual utopia where there is no jealousy and everything seems to fit like a glove. It is a hard lesson to simply tell someone, "You're feeling jealous? Well don't."

If it was that easy I would simply choose not to feel that and save myself the credit for "The Two Towers" by Tolkien. At least that will not be constantly sending me back on an adventure on page 69 to find out more.

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  • Priscilla
  • 2018-05-14

Not for me.

Way to much hippie free love and it comes off condescending. There was little in the way of practical advice and although it mentions "many types of polyamory" this book seems to solely focus on those who want to live in what they call constellations - many long term relationships. There is no Male perspective at all. Overall I found this book not useful and feels really outdated.

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  • Sarah Clarner
  • 2020-04-06

I loved this book!

I was raised to be a monogamous minister's daughter and really appreciate the open minded and broad horizons they laid out in this book. Normalizing the freedom to love and have healthy relationships outside of the past limits was a much needed thing for me. The speaker was calm and gentle. It made it a very easy listen for me. I have already referred many people to this book.

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  • LD
  • 2018-07-10

Conceited and reads like a cult manual

Read "Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory and Optimistic Open Relationships" instead.

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 2016-10-19

fairly decent

the information was fairly decent, the reader a little bit boring for my taste. Listening to this book was almost like listening to some Christian book, except with a complete opposite point of view. Where Christianity tells you any kind of sex before marriage is a terrible idea, this book makes it sound like any kind of rules in regards to monogamy, or heterosexuality are the worst ever. In my opinion either extreme is narrow-minded and above all, untrue.

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  • Chris
  • 2013-07-16

Well written, dense book

"The Ethical Slut" is an excellent, well written book to learn about different relationship types outside of monogamy while also respecting monogamy.

If you are looking at this book, you are probably curious about the many topics of relationships. You will find a lot of good tips in this book whether monogamous or considering open, polyamory, or more. This book can actually help enforce a lot of positive communication techniques for yourself and your partner(s). At its center, the book is all about honesty and trust which is the building blocks of every relationship.

The book is also extends the idea of what sex really is. If you think you know, listen to the first half of this book and see if you still define it the same way.

The authors read the book and they do an earnest job. The fact that they switch between the authors to accent parts is nice. Also it helps that they both practice what they are explaining so can provide personal experiences, emotions, and really relate the content.

The book gets a few down sides that keeps it from a 5 star.

The book feels it is geared largely to women and couples even though they try to cover all sexualities and relationship types. Single men can get quite a lot but some examples or exercises are difficult to relate to.

Also the second half of the book drags a little and the dual voice use takes a little bit of a hit that kept it moving so well the first half.

Finally, it can almost be an overload of information. You might need a few listens to get the full use of the book.

Overall, for anyone who ever "what ifed" or want to consider a different type of relationship in an open and honest way, this well written and dense book is for you!

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  • jon
  • 2013-08-20

A book about sexuality needs a sexy narrator

Is there anything you would change about this book?

The book was interesting, but a bit repetitive. I seemed to plow the same ground (no pun intended) over and over again.

What aspect of Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton ’s performance would you have changed?

Very few authors are gifted narrators. These authors are now elderly women, whose voices sound like they belong to old women in Florida or Arizona retirement communities talking about golf. If you are narrating a book about sex, a voice that matches the topic is necessary. I was kind of annoyed by a grandmotherly voice talking about swinging and multiple sex partners.

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  • Client Amazon
  • 2019-02-06

2nd Edition only

Too bad this is just the second edition. Janet and Dossie have edited (a lot) and completed a third edition since, but nevertheless, this is one of the most important essay I ever read about love and freedom. Invaluable.

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  • Gabrielle L.
  • 2018-04-11

Life changing

I am so happy to have read this book. it changed all my perceptions on love and sex. I understood so much things about myself. Thank you deeply xx

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  • Ihab Mokayed
  • 2022-09-18

A guide without rules

This book was an affirmation of questions I've had, that we aren't alone to think them.

And full of guidance yet not rules. It was written in such a conscious way not to judge and leave enough space for the person to make decisions that fit them knowing that most situations are very personal and subjective.

I'd totally recommend it to anyone who is curious about the topic or practicing it.

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  • asinoladro
  • 2021-06-12

Interesting perspective; reads like a manifesto

A useful perspective on non-monogamy, but at times it feels too simplistic and unrealistic to me. Personally I've preferred the Savage Lovecast for perspectives on this subject.

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