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  • The Five Keys to Mindful Communication

  • Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your Goals
  • Written by: Susan Gillis Chapman
  • Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
  • Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook
  • Categories: Religion & Spirituality, Buddhism
  • 4.3 out of 5 stars (33 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Good communiation is essential to any healthy relationship, whether it's between spouses, family members, friends, or co-workers. In this book Susan Chapman, a marriage and family therapist and a longtime meditation teacher, explains how mindfulness can be brought to bear in the way we speak and listen to each other so that we can strengthen our connections and better accomplish our goals. Drawing on Buddhist principles and on her training as a psychotherapist, Chapman explains how the practice of mindfulness - learning to become fully present in the moment - makes it possible for us to listen more deeply to others and to develop greater clarity and confidence about how to respond.

Chapman highlights five key elements of mindful communication: silence, mirroring, encouraging, discerning, and responding, and she dedicates a chapter of the book to each. Other topics include identifying your communication patterns and habits; uncovering the hidden fears that often sabotage communication; staying open in the midst of difficult conversations so that we can respond wisely and skillfully; and learning how mindful communication can help us to become more truthful, compassionate, and flexible in our relationships.

©2012 Susan Gillis Chapman (P)2014 Audible Inc.

What listeners say about The Five Keys to Mindful Communication

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Humbling, Funny, Relateable

This book was a slow read for me because I had so much to absorb. It has greatly impacted my relationships already. All of it is simple to understand, and doesn't feel judgemental or shameful. Will read again, without a doubt.

2 people found this helpful

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It helps

I learned a great deal from this book about my ability to communicate effectively. It's worth listening to a few times!

1 person found this helpful

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A Gem wrapped in Mindless Verbosity

This is my favourite book relating to personal communications. I find that I keep going back to it to re-listen to it, because the core messages it contains are outstanding. The problem is that it is difficult to read. The author over-utilizes a collection of catch phrases revolving around the dual themes of mindfulness and mindlessness, and she just keeps droning on repeating them. It is hard not to let your focus drift when there is so much mindless repetition. However, if you can get past that, you will find that the core of what she has to say is precious, particularly in relation to conflicts with loved ones. She will teach you a lot about recognizing signals, applying them to the traffic light model, and about letting go of the righteousness of your own perspective.

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  • LCNanny
  • 2015-12-22

Delivers on message, in a Clear and Meaningful Way

Would you listen to The Five Keys to Mindful Communication again? Why?

Yes. the message and information is timeless. I've studied Buddhism, and thought there would be more emphasis in that arena, but not so. It's more Imago Therapy principles, and the mindfulness aspect is about becoming more aware (through exercises and observation) of how we communicate and react. I've listened, read and studied messages on wholeness for years, and this book is hopeful, inspiring and actionable. It's not a book you read or listen to and walk away asking now what. There are exercises that are simple, relatable and provide results (like stopping for 3 seconds, every couple hours to be silent) I was amazed at how this exercise affected me.

The red, yellow, green light concept (the colors represent a mental or communication state, with red being hostile or shut-down, ect) is a bit of an issue. It's not hard to grasp what the intent is in using this analogy, but how are we as non-therapists, suppose to be able to identify and alter our behavior successfully using this technique? I think in professional therapy it would work, but in a self-help setting; not so much.

What do you think the narrator could have done better?

She at times sounded condescending, and high pitched. Definitely needs to re-think that young child voice (pain for the ears!)

Any additional comments?

Overall, I highly recommend this book because the information is accessible, not too intense, and overall so helpful in helping people take responsibility for their experience, thus living in their power (not as a victim, rescuer, or persecutor)

24 people found this helpful

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  • Carolina Walter
  • 2016-03-26

A book about empathy

It focuses on the empathy and loosing the concept ( like in the movies) of villains and heroes. But I felt that it relies on the hope that not only you'll put yourself in the other person's shoes but that the other person will do the same, in reality this doesn't happens all the time, you cant control that and sometimes people do bad things or behave like assholes, and you just cant make them turn green again.
You have to listen to it several times to really get it in.

8 people found this helpful

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  • camille
  • 2015-10-15

Review

I needed to understand how to allow myself to connect I have issues of abandonment and alcoholism in my family. I do not allow people close even when they should be. I'm only half way through the audiobook , and I recommend it highly for communicating and connecting with others .
It's very easy to listen to also . Thanks!!!

41 people found this helpful

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  • Randolph
  • 2015-04-02

Caution: Textbook Madness!

I would recommend this book in another format. Too much information to absorb without some reflection. Imagine a bumpy road. Easier to pass over slowly for a smoother ride.

49 people found this helpful

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  • Ivan Lapalme
  • 2015-10-18

Great self help material, worth your time :-)

I was always having difficulties with conflicts, especially in my love life. So I've began to put to practise the 3 lights technique with my sweetheart and we have moved past so many layers off past trauma just by understanding, compassion and mindfulness., using the 3 lights technique for a start.

26 people found this helpful

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  • dave dollé
  • 2017-04-27

Emotional

Great day to day real life comparisons and eye openers. Wish I had this insight earlier in life.

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  • Barbara
  • 2017-03-03

Wow

I think this just saved my relationship. This was perfect for me! I know a lot of it was beyond my ability to apply it to my life right now but I will re listen to it starting immediately 😄. I've already noticed a huge difference in me when conflict arises! Amazing! I'm so grateful for this book! Thank you!

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  • SR0930
  • 2016-12-30

Highly recommend even if you feel you don't need it.

I highly recommend this book even if you feel you don't need coaching on communication. This book puts communication in perspective with many examples and tips. I wish every person who has ever written a nasty attacking comment on a blog or Facebook post would read this book! Or better I wish every person who has ever experienced a nasty comment or response online could read this book - you'll have a new perspective on the writer of those comments. Enjoy!!

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  • Shaun
  • 2015-09-30

Insightful and poignant

I enjoyed it very much. The Author's experience is rich and meaningful and it is clearly illustrated with relatable examples and stories. The insight provided herein is extremely valuable to anyone, especially if you struggle with communication in general.

15 people found this helpful

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  • David & Kristy
  • 2016-02-18

Good content, but maybe better in print

What did you love best about The Five Keys to Mindful Communication?

The author gives great real life examples which emphasize the point she's trying to get at.

Would you be willing to try another book from Susan Gillis Chapman? Why or why not?

Maybe I'll look at a print version of one of her other books, but not an audio version. I buy audiobooks to listen while I commute to work, and the material is difficult to focus on.

What does Gabra Zackman bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

She reads well, but I don't think she brings much to the experience for this type of book.

What insight do you think you’ll apply from The Five Keys to Mindful Communication?

Essentially, I think we take what the other party to a conversation is saying too personally. We need to truly listen to each other, and try to have an understanding of where the other person is coming from.

6 people found this helpful