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The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant

Written by: Drew Hayes
Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (28 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one.

Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night - different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos of the parahuman world: a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to "survive". Because even after it's over, life can still be a downright bloody mess.

©2014 Drew Hayes (P)2015 Tantor

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Another great series from Hayes

I loved this so much I finished the whole book within 24 hours. It's a must read if you liked Hayes' other books. The characters are very relatable and the plot is refreshing. The only thing I'm not a fan of is the power difference between Fred, our vampire accountant and crystal, his love interest. Crystal is stronger than Fred in what seems like every facet, physically, mentally, more experience, more knowledge. I prefer relationships where both parties are somewhat equal. A big power difference between couples make me worry. This doesn't distract from the story though. The focus is Fred's life as a vampire and how he grows from his experiences. I'd definitely recommend this book.

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    4 out of 5 stars
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Hillarious

Really great listen. Had me chuckling more than once. felt a little RPG-y. Complete the level and get a new member for your party!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

More Accountant Than Vampire

Predictable in the best ways with endearing characters and subverted cliches. The title is only half true; Fred is certainly an accountant at heart and may never become the typical cardboard cutout of a hero or a badass vampire, but that just makes his successes despite being true to that label all the more interesting. Do yourself a favour and take this reminder that you don’t have to fit into a box or a stereotype to save the day or be the hero nobody expected.

#Audible1

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

modern day nontypical vamp novel

most enjoyable. nice to have a main character who isn't super bad as but gets by. good comedy in it as well.
#Audiable1

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
  • sherri
  • Kirkland, WA, United States
  • 2016-09-18

Fun for a While

I was delighted with the opening story but wasn't happy to discover this is a compendium of linked stories rather than a novel. There is a bit of overall plot and character development through the book-- i.e. Fred discovers hidden talents-- but the same narrative arc repeats itself in each story to such an extent that they become predictable. The book was saved by a nice twist at the end, making it an overall fun experience but frustrating because it could have been better. The repetitive background explanations were not even edited out of each story.

58 of 60 people found this review helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • Sugarpucker
  • 2015-08-10

Stories are great, not crazy about the format

This book is deftly summed up by its title. The stories are pretty good. The premise is interesting, all the characters are great. There is also pretty good plot and character development despite one major flaw. This is essentially a collection of short stories in chronological order. This format is problematic because it interrupts the flow of the story. Additionally, you get a recap at the start of each story. This is the most annoying bit. Recaps are great when you waited a long time for the next installment to come out, but when you are listening to them consistently and consecutively, the recaps get a little tedious. Otherwise it's great. Despite this, I will probably pick up the next installment when it comes out on audible. It wasn't enough to turn me off completely. If the next one is like this, however, I may not continue. Kirby Heyborne is spot on in his narration, no problems there.

192 of 203 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Greg Hill
  • 2015-09-25

Utterly Awesome!

I thought I had had just about enough of vampires. I've been doing the vampires thing since the early 90's with White Wolf games, and Ann Rice novels. I thought I had seen it all, and I was surely not going to be sucked in again. No, not me. No one else was going to beat that undead horse on my dime. Then Drew Hayes released a damn vampire book.

On the strength of his other titles, I eventually gave in and got it. It's not my favorite Drew Hayes novel, but it might be my favorite vampire novel.

Fred is a great character, easily fun enough to excuse his being a vampire, and his scooby gang of friends expands with each tale, and they are all really cool. Each of them shows off that Drew Hayes knew what he was doing, sucking us in with the most tired, cliche of the big ticket monsters and then blowing socks off with his interesting take on the rest of the supernatural zoo.

83 of 90 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
  • Aaron Brown
  • Portland, OR USA
  • 2015-03-21

Loved the title...but this was riveting...

I almost didn't get this book. I listened to NPCs and found it clever and fun and that brought this one on my radar. The title sounded amusing, but it also sounded like one of those stories that would lag after the initial idea wore thin (a Vampire Accountant). But the author did a good job of continually adding a colorful cast that kept it fresh. Plus Fred the vampire stays true to his mild mannered roots and never loses his appeal. The author stays away from the temptation of turning Freddy into a badass and making him like every other vampire anti hero out there. If you have a sense of humor you will enjoy.

80 of 88 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Diana
  • Antelope Valley, CA, United States
  • 2015-03-09

Entertaining, story of a mild-mannered vampire

that wears sweaters and loafers.

This is, apparently and confusingly, a set of stories in series, that adds characters with each episode and spends some time reviewing and reintroducing and reminding the reader (listener) about previous events. The author and editor would have done well to just smooth all that out - it would work fine for "story time" at a school, but is annoying for an adult reader.

And, there is another bit of confusion here. The story could easily be made for children or young adults, except there is a bit of adult language in there, and at the end of the last story the author (as if afraid this was going to end up being a children's book) was heavy handed with foul language.

The characters Drew Hayes created are wonderfully imaginative and very 3-D, described in detail and with interesting personalities, gifts, and histories. The plot is adequate in getting the characters out and about and into and out of situations and interacting with each other.

It's almost as if these stories were published before they were given more time and effort and with a couple more drafts of work by the author with a good editor demanding *more!* this would have been a great book.

It was still enjoyable, even though flawed. Entertaining, and unfortunately due to the language, not recommended for kids.

39 of 47 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • K
  • 2015-08-06

A light, humorous detour through the paranormal

Fred, the Vampire Accountant reads more like a collection of short stories, or perhaps it would be better compared to a television series. The characters are an interesting lovable bunch, and it plays like a series with everything wrapping up at the end of each tale, but with tidbits hinting at a long overarching story. I don't think it will ever win any awards for complexity, but Fred, the Vampire Accountant is a pleasant listen that will make you laugh. There seems to be plenty of set-up for a second volume, and I enjoyed this one enough to look forward to a sequel. As a final note, I will say Kirby Heyborne (the Narrator) seemed especially well suited for the main character.

21 of 25 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Claudia H
  • Philadelphia, PA
  • 2015-10-21

Friendly Fred's Diary

When Fred, a quiet and somewhat anti-social CPA, unexpectedly becomes a vampire he expected to have the dramatic and sexy life that vampires in movies get, but he wasn't so lucky, or was he? Each tale of Fred's life is told via Fred's diary.journal entries, sometimes with the assistance of other people in his life.

I thought this was a lighthearted easy listen. You get to enjoy a new perspective on being a vampire that is less scandalized then the usual way they are portrayed. The only problem that I really had with this story, was that each story started by reiterating the same information (i.e. how he's now a vampire, and an accountant). This allows each story to stand alone, but is slightly less appealing when listening to them all consecutively.

12 of 14 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars
  • David W Cochrane
  • 2018-05-29

Too much of a good thing.

Starting out this was a highly entertaining set of short stories. Great premise. Wonderful main character. Interesting secondary characters. Also masterfully performed by Kirby Heyborne.

Perhaps if one takes this in small doses it would be tolerable. It was too repetitive. The main character's constant reference to his foibles became tedious. Yes. He is not the cinema's ideal vampire. We got that the first time. And the second time. Third time. Etc.


"Hell is repetition." Andre Linoge. Storm of the Century by Steven King.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars
  • Erin D.
  • 2017-06-20

Truth is in the title

It was a struggle to finish. The narration was almost monotone. The story is unremarkable. Not a lot to make it a very compelling recommendation.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Calliope
  • 2017-02-05

Light and fluffy - a supernatural beach read

This is really rather light and fluffy - fun but unmemorable; a supernatural beach read. Fred is a vampire who maintains the milquetoast, nerdy personality he had in life, even though his physical self has changed (he still wears glasses - not because his vampire sight needs them, but because he's gotten used to them as a part of his personality). He encounters other "parahumans" to befriend (including a teenager zombie and a were-pony), gets a hot girlfriend (natch) who was a nerd like him in high school, and has various adventures with werewolves, dragons, and jousting competitions.

The format is a series of short stories or novelas that build on each other, but each begins with a small recap reintroducing some of the characters or events. Not that big a deal to me - kind of like the "last week on X" episode recaps on TV shows.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful