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  • The Vampire's Mail Order Bride

  • Nocturne Falls, Book 1
  • Written by: Kristen Painter
  • Narrated by: B.J. Harrison
  • Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
  • 4.4 out of 5 stars (25 ratings)

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The Vampire's Mail Order Bride

Written by: Kristen Painter
Narrated by: B.J. Harrison
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Publisher's Summary

Welcome to Nocturne Falls, the town that celebrates Halloween 365 days a year.

The tourists think it's all a show: the vampires, the werewolves, the witches, the occasional gargoyle flying through the sky. But the supernaturals populating the town know better.

Living in Nocturne Falls means being yourself. Fangs, fur, and all.

After seeing her maybe-mobster boss murder a guy, Delaney James assumes a new identity and pretends to be a mail order bride. She finds her groom-to-be living in a town that celebrates Halloween every day. Weird. But not as weird as what she doesn't know. Her groom-to-be is a 400-year-old vampire.

Hugh Ellingham has only agreed to the arranged setup to make his overbearing grandmother happy. In 30 days, whatever bridezilla shows up at his door will be escorted right back out. His past means love is no longer an option. Not if the woman's going to have a future. Except he never counted on Delaney and falling in love for real.

Too bad both of them are keeping some mighty big secrets....

©2015 Kristen Painter (P)2015 Kristen Painter

What listeners say about The Vampire's Mail Order Bride

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  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
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  • Paul
  • 2018-12-06

A Major letdown.

I had high hopes for this book and series, but my wife and I decided that this was a big nope. First and foremost BJ Harrison does a great job with his narration and I was pleasantly surprised that it was a male voice and not a female reading us the story.

I was hoping for a bit more Molly Harper mixed with Jeanine Frost, but instead, we were presented with Molly Harper meets Twilight. This is a not so fun book. I didn't care for Delaney, and there were no real consequences to her story. She runs away from a murder and ends up in Nocturne Falls pretending to be someone else. Once our hero Hugh finds out, there's no consequence to that. There's some jealousy over an ex, that leads to the only real suspense, but is resolved quickly and without consequence. There's a romance that lasts about a week and then our story comes to a conclusion. Vampires have no real downside in this book, while it's neat they don't look down upon humans, they're basically perfect. They eat, there are powers that let them walk in the daylight, they just have to drink some blood which doesn't seem to be an issue, they do ALL the things humans do with just an inconvenience of drinking blood. The thing is, we don't get any reason as to why the vampires are the way they are. There's no world building other than it's Halloween all the time to cover up supernatural stuff.

I think the most frustrating thing is that this book is chaste and very PG. There's no romance, very little kissing, and sexy time is fade to black. I wasn't looking for smut per say, but seriously fade to black is more tame than broadcast TV. For a book Audible rates as "Simmering" on their romance scale and didn't have much else going for it, that was just more disappointment. We won't be reading any more Kristen Painter.

77 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Cheri
  • 2016-02-11

Loved It!....... It was Clean, Funny, and Sweet!

What made the experience of listening to The Vampire's Mail Order Bride the most enjoyable?

There are three things I really liked about this story.

1. The characters! I loved how both the main and supporting characters were developed. You also got a glimpse of the different characters that will be coming up in future stories.

2. Nocturne Falls - Halloween all year long! I loved this town and all the creative shops and holiday's.

3. The Plot - A funny light romance!

What about B.J. Harrison’s performance did you like?

B.J. Harrison performance was hands down one of the best I've listened to. I loved how each character had their own voice and accent and was easily distinguishable between the characters. He was also did a great job projecting inflection into the tone of the characters throughout the story.

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

Laughed, Laughed, and Laughed! :-)

I loved Delaney and her inter thoughts, her random chocolate facts, and her cat "Captain Underpants."

Any additional comments?

This was a fun story to listen to; it was clean, funny, and well written. I could easily listen to this story again and again!

50 people found this helpful

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  • Bryn
  • 2016-01-30

Light and fluffy

This wasn't bad per se, just not my cup of tea.
Delaney is your typical paranormal romance heroine, cute, not stick-thin, with a passion for baking (I love baking, too, but why is this such a common thing?). Hugh is your typical paranormal romance tortured vampire hunk. I was expecting something lightweight, so I didn't mind these things. But listening to it I was reminded why I prefer books that place less emphasis on the romance element (or more on the non-romance. Here, it's about 90-95% pure romance fluff, with a tiny bit of her being chased by a mobster; I prefer up to fifty-fifty or, when I'm in a romantic mood, sixty-forty): like with many other books of this kind, I simply could not believe the romance between the two protagonists. It happens way too fast. Hugh has been grieving (or at least feeling bad about) his late wife for several hundred years, but after a few days with Delaney, he is sure she is his eternal love? And then, they decide to take that next, crucial and literally life-changing step *now*? Why not wait - oh, I don't know - a month or two, at least? Better yet, a year? Two, maybe? Until puppy love wears off and they know each other a bit better. Delaney is young and Hugh has all the time in the world. I just don't get it and I don't think it's romantic. I've seen it in so many books and it just baffles my mind why authors seem to think that waiting even a few months and enjoying each stage of a new relationship for what it is is unromantic.
But again, that's just my personal preference. The writing wasn't bad, the characters not awful or anything. Just not my preferred sub-genre.

The narration was good, well paced and fun to listen to.

38 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • BookNerd
  • 2015-11-09

So much fun!

What did you love best about The Vampire's Mail Order Bride?

I really enjoyed the character development of the protagonists; you feel like you're part of their world and want to hang out with them.

What other book might you compare The Vampire's Mail Order Bride to and why?

The book is really one of a kind (I mean it's like Halloween year round!), but if I had to compare I'd say it's maybe a bit like the Half-Moon Hollow series by Molly Harper

What does B.J. Harrison bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

I read the book and listened to it, so hearing B.J. Harrison lend voices to the characters was an added bonus. He has a real talent for inflection and you feel as if each character has his or own voice. I'll admit I was skeptical about the choice of narrator at first, but I was so wrong!

Any additional comments?

Take a chance, use a credit, and listen to this book... it's light, fun, and entertaining! I loved this first book, and the other books in the series are wonderful also. I anxiously await more from Nocturn Falls.

36 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Rebecca
  • 2015-11-12

Amazing

Oh my goodness. I could listen to this book over and over again. I have read the book. but listening to this man tell the story is amazing. The way he reads it is perfect. I would highly recommend this. Kristen's work is amazing, this is a completely different experience. well worth listening to.

10 out of 10.

21 people found this helpful

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  • Elizabeth
  • 2015-11-04

Fang-tacular Fluff

If you could sum up The Vampire's Mail Order Bride in three words, what would they be?

BalancedIntelligentFun

Which character – as performed by B.J. Harrison – was your favorite?

I'm not sure which was my favorite... maybe Stanhill, but mostly because B.J. Harrison kept a much more consistent accent than the voice in my head did when I read the book myself.

I had not heard anything by this narrator before but I really enjoyed his voice. I will seek out other reads by him. I hope he reads the rest of the series :)

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Wanted to - yes. Able to, no. Life kept getting in the way. I had already read the book and knew it was enjoyable but loved that I got swept away again with as much marvel and joy as I did when I read the book for the first time months ago.

Any additional comments?

I've dipped into the Nocturne Falls pool a few times and it is refreshing each time and each manner. I'm eager for the next story in audio, even though I've read it myself several times. It's great to be able to re-listen to a favorite when I'm doing repetitive but detailed actions at work. There isn't much demand on the reader in this series but there is great reward for those who care to visit the town where Halloween is every day.

20 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Lisa Guertin
  • 2015-11-05

Fantastic Series

I'm a big fan of the Nocturne Falls series and was so happy when I heard they were being made into audio books. The series is very entertaining and the audio version lives up to its promise. The narrator does an amazing job. His accents and voice characterizations fit well with my feel for the characters and made it easy to tell who was speaking at any time. I look forward to listening to the rest of this series.

19 people found this helpful

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  • Cianna Elizabeth
  • 2015-11-16

Outstanding! Cute, funny and well written!

What made the experience of listening to The Vampire's Mail Order Bride the most enjoyable?

This is an outstanding book, and the audio is even better! Perfect for just sitting at home, listening, or getting a workout and enjoying this fun read! The narrator is awesome, and just perfect for the story! I loved it and would listen again!

What did you like best about this story?

This story is great because it's got the right of amount of action to laughs. It's a fun read, and a quick one too. Very enjoyable to listen to while relaxing!

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes! I didn't want to stop listening to this book! It's so funny and unique! I cannot wait for the rest of the series to be audibles! Such a good book to listen too!

Any additional comments?

Amazing audiobook, and well worth picking up! :)

12 people found this helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • E.L.R. Jones - Author
  • 2015-11-16

A wonderful, clean novel - cute read

I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this story and wouldn't mind listening to more. I love cute reads that have me giggling as I go along. I would definitely recommend this book and look forward to the next in the series.

11 people found this helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars
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  • Dogs Yoga Singing
  • 2016-09-07

No. Just....No.

This was the worst vampire chick lit romance I've ever read and that is saying something. Pretty sure the idea for the entire book was based on how many punny names the author could come up with for shops in Nocturne Falls. The book was full of shop-worn clichés and unrealistic characters. Yes, even for fantasy characters, their motivations seemed thin.
The reader's pronunciation of a few words was shaky, but his main problem was over-enunciating words like "but-ter". There's a fine line between clean diction and a completely unnatural and jarring sound.

9 people found this helpful