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We Over Me cover art

We Over Me

Written by: Khadeen Ellis, Devale Ellis
Narrated by: Khadeen Ellis, Devale Ellis
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Publisher's Summary

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The stars of the social media show The Ellises and hosts of the Webby Award-winning podcast Dead Ass with K&D share the core pillars of their relationship as millennial lovers and parents that have allowed them to thrive.

“Staying married in this day and age takes a whole different mindset, and this book gives an intimate and honest look at the inner workings of their strong union.”—Gia Peppers, award-winning journalist and host

After twelve years of marriage, twenty years together, and four kids, Devale and Khadeen Ellis have been through a lot. They’ve loved their way through a long-distance relationship, financial instability, parenthood, Khadeen’s near-death, and their near-divorce, chronicling their day-to-day life with their boys online. After much trial and error, they hit upon one surprising, essential truth: If you’re looking for a healthy relationship and a fulfilling life, focus on your partner’s needs instead of your wants. Choosing service over selfishness will not only make your relationship stronger, but it will help you achieve your own goals and build a legacy together.

With their trademark transparency and humor, Khadeen and Devale share the messy, behind-the-scenes work of what it takes to succeed and support one another in their search for individual purpose while growing in their marriage. They discuss family, parenting, sex and intimacy, finances, and commitment, with honest advice threaded through their stories, such as:

  • Stop comparing yourselves to other couples and make your own rules.
  • Learn how to function as a team.
  • Keep talking about sex.
  • The kids ain’t first.

The Ellises might not have all the answers, but they do know that good love takes friendship, grace, and service. Their personal and relatable truths will inspire you to be the kind of partner you want to be so you can build a supportive, enduring relationship.

©2023 Devale Ellis and Khadeen Ellis (P)2023 Random House Audio

What the critics say

“Khadeen and Devale Ellis’s story shows that marriage can be a bumpy ride, but if you can laugh and cry together, argue fairly, and put we over me, you'll be on your way to long-lasting love and commitment.”—Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche, New York Times bestselling author of Get Good with Money

“Putting we over me is a concept that we have applied to our relationship for twenty-five years. Khadeen and Devale are great examples for how loving, playful, devoted, and business minded your relationship can be. Intentionally doing it all together and consistently putting the we over me. We are certain their testimony will inspire you and activate your relationship to mirror what they model.”—Dondré Whitfield and Salli Richardson Whitfield, actors

“The Ellis’s story shows that while marriage can be a bumpy ride, it can also be unbelievably beautiful if you learn how to argue constructively, put we over me, and remember to have a little fun along the way. This book will have you laughing and crying, and it’s a must-read for couples and singles who want the best out of their relationship (or who just want to be entertained)!”—Tommy and Codie Elaine Oliver, founders of Black Love, Inc.

What listeners say about We Over Me

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Loved this book

Thank you for sharing your story it was beautifully written. This helped me asked questions that needed to be asked

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Blessed!

Truly a blessing to hear your story! Thank you for sharing your life lessons with your audience. I can feel the wisdom throughout the book.

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  • Joe
  • 2023-02-16

An Open and Honest "Real" Love Story

I am a 76-year-old black man from the Caribbean, and I can relate to Kadeem’s experience with her parents, especially her dad. Caribbean fathers were never taught to show physical affection and to say “I love you” to their children. Many older Caribbean men even find it difficult to say it to their wives or partners regularly.
I love the open, honest, and refreshing way both Devale and Khadeen recount their growth as a young couple. This book is well written and entertainingly read by the authors It is also filled with great advice from which couples of all ages can benefit.

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Truly a Brooklyn Love Story

I truly appreciated the honest and real conversation and stories shared in your relationship. Not just surface level convos if I was made he left the seat up but some real stuff. I appreciate y’all both and thanks for sharing your story.

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Loved it from beginning to end

ouffffff...I am literally going through the same issues.thank you for this book.you may have saved my relationship. I am literally Kadeen and my fiance is Devale. I will definitely re read this book and take notes. I will also be giving this to my fiance to listen to hopefully this will be the lightbulb to help us in our tough season.

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Amazing book

it's so nice to see life through someone else's life that had so much of the family background and how my husband and I have so many similar hiccups this will for sure make a difference in our marriage 🙏🏾🙏🏾

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