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  • Your Dog Is Your Mirror

  • The Emotional Capacity of Our Dogs and Ourselves
  • Written by: Kevin Behan
  • Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor
  • Length: 12 hrs and 8 mins
  • 3.2 out of 5 stars (5 ratings)

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Your Dog Is Your Mirror

Written by: Kevin Behan
Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor
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Publisher's Summary

In Your Dog Is Your Mirror, dog trainer Kevin Behan proposes a radical new model for understanding canine behavior: a dog’s behavior and emotion, indeed its very cognition, are driven by our emotion. The dog doesn’t respond to its owner based on what the owner thinks, says, or does; it responds to what the owner feels. And in this way, dogs can actually put people back in touch with their own emotions.

Behan was originally trained under the dominance theory by his father, John Behan, one of the first in America to make dog training a career. But he eventually came to believe that what made the modern dog trainable was not the dominance hierarchy but the dog’s ability to work as a cooperative group member in the hunt. This ability then evolved into an emotional capacity that perfectly complements human emotion.

Behan demonstrates that dogs and humans are connected more profoundly than has ever been imagined - by heart - and that this approach to dog cognition can help us understand many of dogs’ most inscrutable behaviors. This groundbreaking, provocative book opens the door to a whole new understanding between species, and perhaps a whole new understanding of ourselves.

©2011 Kevin Behan (P)2020 Brilliance Publishing, Inc., all rights reserved.

What the critics say

“Beautifully written and deeply engrossing, Your Dog Is Your Mirror is destined to change the way we think about dogs.” (Lee Charles Kelley, dog trainer and best-selling mystery novelist)

“There are scores of books on how to change the outward behavior of a dog. But Kevin Behan challenges us to look deeper, to examine the dog’s behavior as an emotional reflection of its owner, revealing our own unresolved issues. Your Dog Is Your Mirror is beautifully written, with entertaining and insightful examples from throughout Kevin Behan’s remarkable career. This book will forever change your relationship with your dog, and you will never look at your dog in the same way again. It is a must-read for every committed dog owner.” (Kyra Sundance, internationally best-selling author of 101 Dog Tricks and 101 Ways to Do More with Your Dog!)

Your Dog Is Your Mirror is a very thought-provoking book that will force you to reconsider who we are and who dogs are and why we are so attracted to one another. Kevin Behan calls upon his extensive experience with our best friends and makes the important point that in the emotional interactions between dogs and humans, it’s not the human reading the human in the animal but the animal reading the animal in the human. Whether you agree with Kevin’s provocative theories or not, the age-old adage that no one knows you like your dog clearly rings true. I learned a lot from this wide-ranging and unique book.” (Marc Bekoff, University of Colorado, author of The Emotional Lives of Animals and The Animal Manifesto)

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SO close to getting it.

This was a frustrating listen because Mr Behan is SO close to making a breakthrough in his understanding of dogs and behavior, and it is undermined by his own upbringing.

It is clear from his story that his household was high on discipline, low on empathy. Mr Behan obviously wasn't given names for his feelings nor did his parents help him talk through his emotions. This deprivation has led to a man who can see how much dogs are driven by emotions... and yet lacks the language capacity to discuss it clearly.

In replacement is a jumbled and confusing word salad that uses scientific jargon to explain subjective experiences, resulting in phrases like "the waveform of the bowel movement" (not kidding) and "preyful aspect".

As the biography of a man who was raised by a celebrity dog trainer and who recognized, on a subconscious level, that his father's methods were suppressive and restrictive rather than leading to true canine happiness, this book is interesting. Unfortunately these tidbits are lost in twenty minute long mixed metaphors based on Mr Behan's own personal philosophy rather than grounded in science or canine cognition.

As a dog trainer, it is clear to me that the author has a gift for seeing the dog for what it is, and seeing the flaws in his father's dominance pack nonsense - he noticed that lower ranking dogs still have the right to guard their possessions, for example, rather than relinquish them to the supposed leader.

He can also see the dog's cooperative nature and that dogs behave how they feel. Much of what he says about dog behavior is spot on.

But.

There are so many moments when it sounds like he is SO CLOSE to being self aware... and then explains it away with nonsense.

He also hasn't shaken his father's belief that well behaved means happy and well adjusted.

I gave up on this book when he described an instance of working with a dog who got aggressive when groomed. He recognized that it is not naturally comfortable for dogs to tolerate being manhandled especially by strangers and that this dog had unresolved traumas (except he calls it stress and negative charge). He also recognized that being put in a vulnerable position makes a dog feel like prey, whereas they are happier when they feel like what they are - predators.

But how did he deal with it? Did he use the dog's prey drive and positive motivations to bring a positive energy to the grooming table? Nope. Instead he put the dog on the slippery grooming table, and pulled the dog half off of the table whenever it aggressed, thus throwing the dog in a scarily precarious position.

All dog people know that dogs don't like heights or unsafe footings. Mr Behan knows this. He then justifies this with a lot of jargon about reflecting the dog's negative energy back on himself to "put him in control and in balance". What obviously really happened is the dog learned that any attempt to defend himself would result in a terrifying near-fall. So the dog went FURTHER into prey-like behaviour and went full catatonic-fear mode where the animal plays dead.

Dogs only go into catatonic play-dead mode under the most extreme level of fear/duress. It is so rare that many people never see it in their life time, but it is the provenance of the phrase "scared stiff".

In order for a dog to hit catatonia their fear level has to be so high that they essentially shut down all brain function. You can look it up.

Instead of realizing that he has made this dog feel completely helpless and furthered the dog's trauma, Behan congratulates himself on helping the dog work through the trauma of being sedated (he thinks the fear catatonia is some kind of trauma memory of sedation) and helping the dog feel "balanced".

Was he really, Kevin? Or was he just under control? Because you know how it feels to be paralyzed by fear. You suffered it frequently in childhood. And now you have just done it to a dog, and decided it was meet and right to do so.

That dog is indeed your mirror.

If you happen to read this, Mr Behan, I strongly recommens you read some books on trauma and emotions, and work with a therapist to learn what you weren't taught in childhood - the spoken and physical language of emotion, the words to describe the subjective experiences of emotion and how to work through your own emotions.

So far you got through life suppressing your emotions and channeling them into dogs. Stop making them work through your traumas for you. Do it yourself.

And it'll make you an even better trainer and you'll find yourself better able to articulate your intuitive understanding of dog behavior. Because you're SO CLOSE.

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Energy crystals and feelings

Waste of a credit. A “progressive” word salad new age pile of dog excrement. Zero scientific data and analysis.

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