Do you feel like you control your emotions, or do your emotions control you? What scientists call "emotion regulation" turns out to be one of the most important life skills we can possess. It's essential in dealing with setbacks, in balancing risks and rewards, and in maintaining successful relationships. This week, psychologist Ethan Kross explores the growing and fascinating science of managing our emotions. He explains why our feelings so often go astray, and shares insights into how to reel them back in.

In this episode, you'll learn:

*How to coach yourself through emotionally intense moments.

*Why certain types of personal writing can help with your thorniest problems or challenges.

*How to use music and your physical senses to regulate your mood.

*How to use the technique of "selective avoidance" to shortcut emotional spirals and "what if" thinking.

Hidden Brain is about to go on tour! Join Shankar in a city near you as we explore lessons we've learned in Hidden Brain's first decade. For more info and to purchase tickets, go to https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/.

There's no magic potion that can make someone adore you. But there are things you can do to promote a deep and enduring connection — and even feelings of passion — between yourself and your partner. In the final chapter of our Relationships 2.0 series, psychologist Arthur Aron shares some techniques for falling and staying in love.

In today's conversation, we explore:

*The assumption that love fades over time.

*The effects of daily routine on romantic relationships.

*What our choice in a romantic partners says about us

*How successful long-term couples keep love alive

If you love Hidden Brain, please join us for our upcoming live tour! Shankar will be visiting cities across the U.S., and our listeners have the first crack at purchasing tickets. You can get yours at https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/. Use the pre-sale code BRAIN. We hope to see you there!

As we go through life, we’re constantly trying to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. Psychologist Liane Young says this ability to assess other people’s thoughts ​is an extraordinary feat of cognition. This week, in a favorite episode from our archives, we explore this mental superpower — and how it can lead us astray.

In our conversation with Liane Young, we explore:

*The uniquely human ability to think about the minds of other people, which scientists refer to as "theory of mind."

*How and when young children develop this ability to intuit what's happening in other people's minds.

*Why our understanding of other people's minds affects our moral judgments — and how those judgments can be disabled.

*How misreading another person's intentions can affect our lives in both small and significant ways.

Then, in the second part of this week's show, we welcome back researcher Fred Luskin, who responds to listeners' questions about grudges. If you missed the original conversation with Fred Luskin, listen to our episode No Hard Feelings.