Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks during the holidays: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about keeping the peace in your marriage.

Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed who obsesses and the betrayer who avoids are both destroying the peace faster than the affair ever could.

Laura shares why she had to stop being the "peace keeper" in her marriage and become a "clarity seeker"—even when it was messy. Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: If you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to calm down before you get honest. An honest man tells on himself.

From the difference between "clearing things up" and "letting things go," to why resentment accumulation destroys more marriages than the original betrayal, to their personal story of surviving Carl's rehab during Christmas with three kids—this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.

This episode will challenge any couple who believes avoiding hard conversations is how you keep the peace.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

CHAPTERS:

00:00 - If You Dread The Holidays, This Is For You

01:57 - The Stats: 64% Depression Increase + 300% Conflict Amplification

04:32 - Carl In Rehab On Christmas: How We Survived

08:24 - The "Keep The Peace" Trap

11:33 - Peace Is NOT The Absence Of Conflict

14:53 - The 24-Hour Repair Rule (The #1 Marriage Predictor)

18:28 - Clear Some Things Up: The Framework

22:16 - Repair Attempts Within 24 Hours

25:02 - Vulnerable Ownership Lowers Defenses In 90 Seconds

28:09 - How To Bring Up An Issue Without Attacking

31:44 - Plana Partnership

32:10 - Clear Up The Rules Of Engagement

34:43 - The Power Of Short Accounts

38:59 - Let Some Things Go: Celebrating What Annoys You

40:14 - Laura's 4 Annoying Things About Carl

44:00 - Carl's 5 Annoying Things About Laura

49:07 - What Can You Let Go Of Today?

53:16 - Final Questions Before The Holidays End

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I visited Angola Prison, one of America's largest maximum security facilities, and what I witnessed broke me in the best way possible. This is Yogi. He's serving 65 years. He might be the freest man I've ever met.

I went with my friend Jake Bodin from God Behind Bars to experience the first-ever daddy-daughter dance inside a maximum security prison. Men serving 40 years to life, some who hadn't hugged their daughters in decades, slow dancing with their little girls.

I wasn't ready.

We walked through death row. We talked to men who will never leave. And what I found wasn't despair. It was faith, peace, and freedom I've rarely seen outside these walls.

Yogi got denied parole after doing everything right for 25 years. His response? "Maybe it's for one more."

One more person to reach. One more life to change.

This episode will challenge how you think about freedom, faith, gratitude, and what it really means to be stuck.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

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// SUPPORT GOD BEHIND BARS: https://godbehindbarsnow.com

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🙏 PRAY FOR YOGI

He's been incarcerated for 25 years and leads men spiritually every single day at Angola. Add him to your prayer list.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com!

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks after betrayal: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about recovery.

Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed wife often has to work harder than the husband who cheated. Not because it's fair—it's absolutely not—but because staying stuck in suspicion will destroy you faster than the affair ever could.

Laura shares why she had to stop being the "police officer" in her marriage and become a "peaceful observer of change." Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: if you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to ask the right questions. An honest man tells on himself.

From the difference between "spotlight work" and "shadow work," to why demanding honesty when you can't handle the answers creates a dangerous cycle, this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.

This episode will challenge any betrayed spouse who believes healing is the cheater's job alone.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

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Supported by Plana

https://plana.org/

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## CHAPTERS:

00:00 - Is This The Right Kind of Hard?

05:33 - The "You Cheated" Trump Card

09:49 - Why This Takes Constant Work

13:04 - Spotlight Work vs Shadow Work

20:21 - The Betrayed Wife Has To Work Too

27:21 - Police Officer vs Peace Observer

38:59 - Plana Partnership

39:54 - What An Honest Man Will Tell You

51:22 - Patterns Over Promises

55:47 - The Right Kind of Difficult

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.