What are emotions? Why do we feel anything at all? And more importantly — can we actually get better at feeling?

In this episode, Drew and I dive headfirst into what might be the hardest question in all of psychology: what the actual f**k are emotions? We break down the biology, neuroscience, evolution, culture, and even language that shape how we feel — and why we often don’t understand what the hell is going on inside us. From ancient philosophy to brain scans, this is a deep (and occasionally weird) look into the emotional chaos that makes us human.

We unpack everything from the origins of emotional intelligence (spoiler: it might be BS) to the science of emotional regulation, attachment styles, and the sneaky ways your culture wires your emotional defaults. Along the way, we explore why some relationships make you feel like a better person while others drain the life out of you, and how trauma, genetics, and childhood with your ability to keep it together.

But this episode isn’t just about understanding emotions — it’s about learning how to work with them. And we give you a full emotional toolkit: a set of evidence-based tools to help you manage your emotions, build better relationships, feel more motivated, and yes — even feel more confident in yourself in the process.

We also put together a free companion guide for this episode with all the takeaways, references, and tools to help you get your sh*t together once and for all. Download it here: https://solvedpodcast.com/emotions

Ready to stop listening to podcasts and actually start taking action? Join Momentum, a community of like-minded people who are taking small steps every day to make big changes in their lives: https://findmomentum.com/emotions

Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough

Chapters:

0:00:00 Introduction

0:04:47 Chapter 1: What Are Emotions?

0:14:04 The Emotional Brain

0:22:03 Neurotransmitters

0:34:25 Evolution of Emotions

0:39:53 How Life Experiences Shape Emotional Regulation

0:48:41 Conclusion on What are Emotions

0:49:45 Chapter 2: How Culture Influences Our Emotions

0:55:44 Vietnam Bike Story

1:00:05 Your Culture Trains You to Want Certain Feelings

1:06:00 Culture Decides Whether Suppression is a Superpower or a Liability

1:07:56 Paradox of Emotional Conformity

1:16:36 How Language Shapes What You Feel

1:29:23 Emotional Complexity

1:36:25 Your Emotions Are Social Currency

1:43:00 Conclusion to Culture defines our emotions

1:44:08 Chapter 3: Historical and Philosophical Traditions on Emotions

1:57:21 Modern Culture

1:59:00 Chapter 4: The Four Schools of Emotional Regulation

2:00:56 The Heart

2:08:55 The Head

2:18:37 The Soul

2:28:50 The Body

2:36:23 The Integrated Toolkit

2:48:25 Chapter 5: Brilliant or Bullshit: Emotional Intelligence

2:57:31 Chapter 6: Relationships and Emotional Regulation

3:09:54 Attachment Theory

3:27:29 Toxic Relationship

3:36:49 Building Emotional Compatibility

3:51:24 Conclusion Relationships

3:57:24 Chapter 7: 80/20

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Welcome to the first episode of the Solved Podcast. Today, we are solving your values.

Over eight years ago, I wrote The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck—a book that, underneath all the swearing and irreverence, was really about one thing: values. What do you care about? What’s actually worth your time, your energy, your life?

So in this kickoff episode of SOLVED, Drew and I are going deep into why your values are the foundation of everything—your happiness, your mental health, your relationships, your sense of meaning—and why so many of us today feel so lost.

We break down the difference between chasing cheap dopamine hits and building real fulfillment, why not all values are created equal, how to figure out what your true values are, how to change your values, how to start living out your values more fully, and how values silently shape your decisions and relationships every day. If you’ve ever felt stuck, directionless, or like you’re living someone else’s life, this episode is the wake-up call you need. It’s time to stop drifting through life and start giving a fck about the right things. Forget the rest.

Welcome to SOLVED.

Get the Values companion guide for this episode: https://solvedpodcast.com/values

Ready to stop listening to podcasts and actually start taking action? Join the Momentum, a community of like-minded people who are taking small steps every day to make big changes in their lives: https://findmomentum.com

Follow me:

https://instagram.com/markmanson/

https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson

https://facebook.com/Markmansonnet/

https://linkedin.com/in/markmanson/

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Chapters

00:00 Welcome to SOLVED

07:47 Episode Roadmap

09:31 CHAPTER 1: What are Values?

10:26 Characteristics of Values

14:23 Values vs. Psychological Needs vs. Preferences

23:06 Schwartz's Values Wheel

30:36 Instrumental and Terminal Values

32:15 Hierarchy of Values

38:35 Values Conflict

42:35 Carol Ryff's Six Dimensions of Psychological Well-being

57:01 Aristotle's Golden Mean as Virtue

1:05:01 CHAPTER 2: Values and Your Relationships

1:22:56 The Clash of Values in Relationships

1:30:29 Identifying and Navigating Values in Relationships

1:34:40 Understanding Compatibility Through Values

1:37:25 CHAPTER 3: Where Do Values Come From?

1:38:20 Margaret Mead's Cultural Relativism

1:47:55 Mary Douglas's and the Grid-Group Framework

1:56:20 Jonathan Haidt's Moral Foundations Theory

2:09:26 The Allegory of the Taco Truck

2:14:34 CHAPTER 4: Identifying Your Core Values

2:16:58 Thought Experiments to Find Your Values

2:32:16 The Instrumental Value of Golf

2:41:45 The Role of Trauma in Value Change

2:48:53 CHAPTER 5: How to Change Your Values

2:50:44 Kazimierz Dabrowski and Positive Disintegration

3:03:22 On Cults and Cognitive Dissonance

3:16:26 Self-Confrontation and Value Change

3:18:34 Charlie Munger's Maxim: Incentives and Behavior

3:21:56 CHAPTER 6: Lessons and Takeaways

3:36:30 The 80/20 of Values

3:55:57 Reflecting on the Episode