In this episode of Almost Oblivious, Autumn Baker peels back the layers on what abuse often looks like in the beginning — before it becomes obvious. Instead of visible violence or control, many abusive relationships begin quietly, through subtle shifts in behavior, boundary-testing, love-bombing, and emotional manipulation. Autumn explores how “conditioning” works: shaping your sense of self, your comfort with discomfort, and your tolerance for things that don’t feel right — all while making you believe you’re loved, protected, and “lucky.”

Listeners will learn to identify early warning signs including:

• The “perfect partner” act and love-bombing.

• Critiques disguised as caring comments.

• Small, consistent boundary tests.

• Guilt banking and “favors” that become leverage.

• Fast-forwarded emotional intimacy.

• The “foot-in-the-door” technique: small asks leading to bigger demands.

• The slow slide into justifying behavior that feels off, or minimizing discomfort.

We share how these patterns are often missed — even by people who love deeply and believe the best. She encourages listeners to trust their instincts, notice their body’s reactions, and reach out to safe people if something doesn’t feel right.

Why This Episode Matters:
Understanding early conditioning gives listeners power. Early recognition can help prevent deeper abuse. Even if you’re not currently in a relationship, this episode offers awareness — knowledge that could protect you or someone you care about in the future.

Who Should Listen:

• Anyone questioning a relationship’s early dynamic.

• Survivors reflecting on their past.

• Friends or family who want to support a loved one.

• Anyone wanting to better understand how abuse can begin subtly.

🔗 Resources:

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-abuse

• https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/emotional-and-psychological-abuse/basic-information/what-could-be-warning?utm

• https://www.simplypsychology.org/signs-of-emotional-abuse.html?utm
• https://shadowsofcontrol.com/articles/love-bombing-tactics/?utm

https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Learn-the-red-flags-for-coercive-control-1.pdf?utm🎧 Listen, Follow & Share: Available now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you stream.

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In this rewind episode, we revisit the often overlooked reality that domestic abuse doesn’t only affect the survivor — it impacts everyone who loves them. Family and friends carry their own fear, confusion, grief, and emotional wounds as they watch someone they care about struggle. This conversation explores how abuse ripples through relationships, why those around the survivor are affected so deeply, and how healing extends beyond just one person..

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Domestic abuse doesn’t only affect the victim; it leaves deep scars on everyone around them. In Episode 3, Autumn Baker explores the far-reaching impact of domestic violence on children, friends, and family members. This episode sheds light on the trauma and challenges that loved ones face, revealing how abuse creates ripples that extend through entire communities and generations. Join us as we discuss how we can support those affected and work together toward healing.

For more information please check out our website!

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Strangulation is one of the most lethal forms of domestic violence — yet many victims minimize it because there are often few or no visible marks. In this episode, Autumn breaks down what strangulation actually is, why it is medically dangerous, and why it is one of the strongest predictors of homicide in abusive relationships.

This episode explains:

• The difference between choking and strangulation

• How little pressure is required to stop blood flow to the brain

• How quickly unconsciousness and death can occur

• Why bruising often does not appear immediately — or at all

• Short-term and long-term medical effects

• How to document strangulation safely and discreetly

• Why strangulation is treated as a high-lethality warning sign

If you have experienced strangulation — even once — your fear is valid. Your safety matters. Support exists, and you deserve to access it when you are ready.

🔗 Resources:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline — Call 1-800-799-7233 or chat at: ⁠https://www.thehotline.org⁠

• Training Institute on Strangulation Prevention. (2022). Strangulation Fact Sheet. ⁠https://www.strangulationtraininginstitute.com⁠

• Journal of Emergency Medicine, 35(3), 329–335. ⁠https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jemermed.2007.05.042⁠

• Campbell, J.C., Webster, D., & Glass, N. (2009). The Danger Assessment: Validation of a lethality risk assessment instrument for intimate partner femicide. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 24(4), 653–674.

• Wilbur, L., Higley, M., Hatfield, J., Surprenant, Z., Taliaferro, E., Smith, D. J., & Paolo, A. (2001). Survey results of women who have been strangled while in an abusive relationship. Journal of Emergency Medicine, 21(3), 297–302.

• National Domestic Violence Hotline. Understanding Strangulation. ⁠https://www.thehotline.org/resources/understanding-strangulation/⁠

• American College of Emergency Physicians (ACEP) Clinical Guidelines

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