In this Monologue episode, marriage and family therapist Daniel Dashnaw explores one of the most emotionally charged topics in modern relationships: the invisible mental load.

From meal planning and remembering birthdays to managing household logistics and emotional weather, many partners—often women—carry an unspoken weight that goes unacknowledged until it explodes. Daniel walks listeners through why this conversation so often triggers defensiveness and how to have it differently: with vulnerability, clarity, and a shared desire to rebalance the partnership.

You’ll learn:

• Why the phrase “Why didn’t you just ask?” can be so triggering
• How cultural patterns and relational dynamics shape the mental load
• A 5-step framework for talking about shared responsibility without blame
• What true mental co-ownership looks like—and how to invite it

Whether you’re feeling burned out, unseen, or just ready for deeper teamwork, this episode offers a compassionate guide to preserving love before resentment takes root.

Visit www.danielcouplestherapy.com for more writing, or connect with Daniel on Instagram.

You may have seen the headline: Divorced and unmarried people have less cognitive decline than those who are married. Surprising? Yes. But is it true?

In this solo monologue, therapist Daniel Dashnaw unpacks a widely circulated study from Florida State University that claims being single may protect your brain. Daniel takes a critical look at the methodology behind the research—highlighting its failure to distinguish marital status from marital quality—and explains why the nuance really matters.

Through clinical insight and common sense, Daniel offers a more grounded perspective on how intimate relationships affect cognitive health, memory, and well-being over time. He explores how loving partnerships can serve as emotional anchors and cognitive mirrors, helping us track changes, reduce stress, and live longer, fuller lives.

This is a must-listen for anyone curious about the real science behind relationships and longevity—without the media spin.

📝 Read more about Daniels views on relationships on his blog at danieldashnawcouplestherapy.com

🎧 Better Relationships Through Research is available wherever you get your podcasts.

In this episode of Better Relationships Through Research, Daniel sits down with internationally recognized psychotherapist Rick Miller, LICSW. Known for his pioneering work with gay men and experiential therapy, Rick brings his decades of clinical experience to an honest and deeply insightful conversation about emotional connection, sexuality, intimacy, and the evolving dynamics of open relationships.

Together, they explore:

• How mindfulness and body awareness can enhance relationship work
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• Why some gay couples succeed in navigating open relationships—and what straight couples can learn from them
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• The emotional labor behind non-monogamy
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• Why therapists need to be trained in sexual health
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• Rick’s new workbook, Opening Up: A Communication Workbook for Male Couples (Available April 17 at https://www.rickmiller.biz/opening-up)
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• The importance of being honest about professional limitations—and why some therapists should refer clients elsewhere when it comes to sexual complexity
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Whether you’re a therapist, a couple navigating modern intimacy, or simply curious about the edges of relational growth, this conversation is full of wisdom, compassion, and refreshing honesty.

Timestamps:

00:00 – Introduction to Rick Miller and his clinical background

01:22 – Rick’s upcoming workbook: Opening Up for Male Couples

02:07 – Experiential therapy, mindfulness, and emotional attunement

03:27 – QR code meditations & integrating tech in therapy

04:34 – Keynote talk preview: “Learning from Gay Male Couples”

05:21 – Therapist missteps in handling open relationships

06:18 – Building frameworks from clinical intuition vs. research

08:03 – Sliding door analogy for non-monogamy

09:31 – Emotional labor and open relationships

11:03 – Real-world examples of navigating polyamory and openness

14:10 – Historical context of gay male sexuality

16:01 – Esther Perel, Michel Weiner-Davis, and evolving views on infidelity

18:13 – The tension between honesty, mystery, and disclosure

19:28 – Monogamy, culture, and shifting generational values

20:48 – Rick's evolution in couples therapy and LGBTQ+ dynamics

22:15 – Stories of real couples navigating love, loss, and renewal

25:09 – Restoring intimacy and communication in long-term relationships

26:16 – Encounter with Michele Weiner-Davis & challenging therapist stereotypes

27:53 – Surveillance culture and privacy in relationships

28:47 – Sexual disconnection in long-term partnerships

30:11 – Realistic expectations for sexual intimacy over time

31:09 – Rick’s reflections on writing the new workbook

33:00 – Visibility and support for gay male couples in literature

36:14 – Outsourcing open relationship work to specialists

37:06 – Merging sexuality and psychotherapy: a growing movement

39:16 – Resources for therapists seeking training in sexual health

40:23 – The rise of modern, inclusive therapists

41:07 – The need for more authentic dialogue about sex

42:21 – Rick’s nonprofit Gay Sons & Mothers and upcoming film

43:18 – Closing thoughts and gratitude

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If you enjoyed this conversation, be sure to visit Daniel’s blog and website for more articles, interviews, and insights exploring the intersections of research, intimacy, and therapeutic growth.

Subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone you know navigating the evolving landscape of modern relationships.