Santa gets kidnapped by Martians.
Yes—that Santa.
And somehow… it works.

Johnny Spoiler dives headfirst into Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, the infamous 1964 Christmas sci-fi cult classic that’s equal parts holiday cheer, space nonsense, and accidental social commentary.

We cover:

• Why Santa vs. aliens is still a perfect movie hook

• Martian kids addicted to Earth TV (way too relatable)

• A killer robot slowly reprogrammed by Christmas spirit

• Wham-O Air Blasters, Broadway actors, and a movie shot in four days

• Why Mystery Science Theater 3000 couldn’t kill this movie

• Its legacy as one of the 100 Most Amusingly Bad Movies Ever Made

• Why this public-domain oddity is ripe for a modern remake (horror version, anyone?)

Plus:

• Holiday movie headlines

• The state of movies, AI, and studio decision-making

• Why animation keeps winning by default

• Fan shout-outs, Staff Picks, and a festive goodbye you probably shouldn’t repeat at work

If you love:
cult Christmas movies, bad sci-fi, MST3K classics, alien invasions, or Santa in absolute danger—this one’s a binge now.

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Listen here.
Happy holidays… and watch out for Martians.

You clicked looking for something frosty and jolly… and ended up with Nazis, incest lore, horny mall teens, and a chain-smoking Santa Claus. Welcome to ELVES (1989) — the low-budget Christmas horror movie that dares to suggest Hitler was experimenting on elves to create a master race.

In this episode, we break down the cult holiday nightmare starring Dan Haggerty (Grizzly Adams) as possibly the grizzliest Santa in cinema history. There’s only one elf (it looks like a goblin), it kills with a steak knife, Santa smokes in every scene, and the movie somehow aired on broadcast TV despite profanity, nudity, and some truly cursed plot twists.

Along the way, we cover:
Why Christmas was once outlawed in Massachusetts
Evil elf mythology & Nazi Christmas lore
The most uncomfortable mid-movie reveal you’ll ever see
Why Dan Haggerty is way too good for this movie
And how the ending accidentally completes the evil prophecy

This is B-movie Christmas chaos, and you kind of need to see it once — if only to believe it exists.

Rating: Binge never… but experience required.

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Johnny Spoiler dives headfirst into FATMAN (2020) — the unholy collision of Christmas cheer and hard-edged action starring Mel Gibson as a battle-worn Santa Claus and Walton Goggins as a vengeful hitman.

In this episode of the Binge-Watchers Podcast, we break down why Fatman feels like the gritty fake action movie advertised inside Scrooged, how Walton Goggins absolutely carries the film, and why this version of Santa is closer to Superman than a slasher villain.

Before the review, Johnny reacts to 2025 Christmas trends including:

• The rise of vintage 1990s Christmas aesthetics

• Why Christmas trees are getting smaller

• The bizarre popularity of holiday whiskey gimmicks

• Why roe > caviar at holiday parties (we said what we said)

Plus:

• Christmas movie chart shifts (Elf, The Grinch, Home Alone)

• Thoughts on the Silent Night, Deadly Night remake

• Why Fatman doesn’t quite kill Santa — and why that matters

• Deep lore questions: is Santa powered by goodwill… or force?

If you’re building your Christmas movie watchlist, curious about Santa action movies, or burned out but still searching for something rowdy, weird, and holiday-adjacent — this episode’s for you.

Binge it now. Ho ho hold the line.

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