This conversation is split in two parts. The first discusses how one of the greatest harms of patriarchy is that it forces us to split from our own selves. The second, how we can work to repair that split to heal. Join us next week for the second piece!

Be warned, we don’t mince words: this is a harmful system that benefits many of us on some level, but does more harm in the process. We discuss the silencing of voices, the internalization of patriarchal norms, and the importance of reclaiming one’s inner voice.

We can’t wait to hear what you think.

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Have thoughts on this conversation? We love to hear them!

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This conversation was so fun to have two self-proclaimed “nice guys” talking about how living up to the standard set in a patriarchal society has both helped them and hurt them.

Steve has even transitioned into the life coaching space, primarily helping men from a similar background and mindset to navigate their relationships.

Steve's Website: stevethatchercoaching.com

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Ah, the double-standard.

The way the double-standards play out in a patriarchy are part of the reason we still uphold it. Because…let’s be honest…everyone benefits somehow. I know, I know…that’s not what we want to hear, and maybe there are things I’m missing (spoiler alert: there definitely are), but there are ways people of all genders benefit from a patriarchal system.

It just prioritizes men. and further than that, a very particular type of man—what is that type of man, you ask? It depends on the location and time we are discussing.

*cough* *cough*

Because it’s made up.

*cough*

But, I digress…let’s get in to it, shall we? Let’s chat about double standards!

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Thanks for reading! This post is public so feel free to share it.

EDIT: Rebecca’s new book, Raising Trans Kids: What to Expect When You Weren’t Expecting This is available to purchase. You can also purchase/donate through her website (linked below), with the option of purchasing to donate to a family or community in need. We also recommend you ask your local library to purchase a copy for community use (I did this morning, and it took be about 3 minutes to request, and about an hour for them to confirm the purchase is in the works…Mid-Columbia Libraries in Tri-Cities, WA will have a copy in circulation!).

Let’s be really clear here: we are starting with a framing that LGBTQ+ individuals have a right to exist…as they are. We would love for you to play with this idea with us as we talk about how patriarchy impacts this particular demographic. One of the best ways to learn about our own biases is to be in open communication and proximity with others who don’t share our views. We would love to continue the conversation in the chat and on Instagram.

In this episode, we interview Rebecca Minor LICSW (she/they—bio below), who has a wealth of information and insights as this population is one she knows well. From working with families of transgender folks, to facilitating support communities for queer individuals, she has a breadth of knowledge most of us can only guess at. So…instead of doing that, let’s learn from someone who’s got the firsthand (and second-, and third-, and more…) experience and knowledge of what helps, what hurts, and what we’re still figuring out.

Rebecca Minor, LICSW, is a queer clinician, consultant, and educator specializing in the intersection of trauma, gender, and sexuality. As a gender specialist, Rebecca partners with trans and gender nonconforming youth through their journey of becoming and serves as a guide to their parents in affirming it. She has authored articles on LGBTQ+ youth, contributed to textbooks, and is frequently quoted as an expert on gender-affirming care. Rebecca is the founder of Prism Therapy Collective, where the approach is always trauma-informed and neurodiversity-affirming. Her internationally recognized consulting and parent coaching work supports organizations, schools, and businesses in building cultural responsiveness and inclusivity. She also leads bi+ (in)visibility, a community for bi+ people navigating their queer identity in the context of a straight-presenting relationship. Rebecca is an adjunct faculty member and lecturer at Boston University School of Social Work, and the author of the forthcoming book Raising Trans Kids: What To Expect When You Weren’t Expecting This (Row House, 2025).

Website: www.genderspecialist.com

Instagram: @gender.specialist

Facebook: Rebecca Minor LICSW

LinkedIn: Rebecca Minor, LICSW

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Join us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/blackandwhiteandgold

Flipping the tables on Carly this time…Rob asks all the questions without any heads-up on what they are. This is a raw, emotional take on that current moment of Carly’s story as she begins to see patriarchal structures for what they are—and how that changed literally everything.

For those who grew up being taught a more egalitarian way, it may be foreign to see how some of us struggle to understand the dynamics…but when you have never seen or heard of other options, it’s nearly impossible to feel like there’s any other way, and the emotional gaslighting (often by your own self) is intense.

Has this been a situation you’ve experienced? We’d love to hear about it!

Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/blackandwhiteandgold

I had it in my mind that I wanted to interview Valerie Hamaker of Latter Day Struggles, but was torn between talking about faith crisis for Season 2, or patriarchy for Season 3. When she offered to meet with us in the wake of their resignation from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I knew it needed to be about patriarchy…as it’s fingers were all over their story, and the faith crisis/transition narrative tells itself.

Valerie is a brilliant and humble woman with deep love for the faith heritage we all share, and we were so excited and honored to have the opportunity to talk with her. We highly recommend listening to her other episodes/series on patriarchy on her website.

* Instagram: https://instagram.com/latterdaystrugglespodcast

* Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valeriehamakerlatterdaystrugglespodcast

* Website: https://valeriehamaker.com/

* Find her courses, how to work with her, sign up for her extra podcasts, newsletter, etc.

* Scroll to the bottom to see links to different podcast topic series they’ve discussed

bell hooks The Will to Change

Breaking Down Patriarchy episode that discusses how to be an anti-patriarchist. This episode spurred many conversations in our own home, but also was the impetus for Valerie and Nathan’s series about how patriarchy harms men.

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Did the Barbie movie make you angry? Cringe? Did you think it was funny, but not at all a message? Were you even willing to watch it? We’d love to hear your take on it! Join us in the chat…

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Season 3 is here!

In this episode, we delve into the complex topic of patriarchy, exploring its definitions, manifestations, and implications in society. We discuss the importance of understanding patriarchy not just as a system that is inherent to benefits men, but as a structure that can be harmful to all genders. The conversation highlights the need for self-reflection and engagement in discussions about gender roles, representation, and the impact of patriarchal systems on individuals and communities. We set the stage for a deeper exploration of these themes throughout the season.

Join us on Instagram or join the chat on Substack!