On this week's episode, PBS goes pay-per-view as Jed and Professor Safety absolutely suplex your childhood over who would win in a physical fight: Mister Rogers or Bob Ross? Jed comes out swinging for Team Rogers, suggesting that the soft-spoken sweater saint was just method-acting for PBS checks, and once the cameras stopped rolling, he transformed into Heisenberg in loafers, politely asking you to be his neighbor before rearranging your furniture and your jaw. According to Jed, you’d be shocked what Fred was packing under that cardigan - both emotionally and structurally.

Professor Safety, meanwhile, turns Bob Ross into a woodland warlock, a perm-powered predator who paints “happy little trees” by day and practices throat-jabs by moonlight. He describes Ross as a soft-spoken sensei whose palette knife doubles as a last-resort weapon, a man whose only true color is crimson canvas carnage. Bob, he argues, is the pinnacle of human evolution - part monk, part lumberjack, part government experiment. As both debaters spiral into oddly detailed breakdowns of brute strength and cardigan tensile durability, Moderator Kirk watches the neighborhood burn while Hung Juror Kraig wonders if Mr. McFeely is ready to get tagged in. It’s wholesome vs hostile, easel vs equalizer, and the bloodiest episode ever sponsored by public broadcasting...and viewers like you, on this aggressively delightful episode of Mass Debate!

On this week's episode, things get downright utensil-itarian as Kirk and Kraig fork over their sharpest takes on the question: Does everyday cutlery need an upgrade - The Spork vs Spoon and Fork? Kirk digs in for Team Classic, arguing that when it comes to dining, specialization matters. You scoop soup with authority and spear steak with purpose. The spork, he says, is just a half-tined identity crisis that can’t fully commit. He even suggests its stubby lil' prongs and lack of penetration power hit a little too close to home for Kraig.

Kraig, undeterred, embraces Team Spork like it’s the chosen one of flatware prophecy. Sure, today’s spork may be a plastic peasant, he admits, but tomorrow’s “Super Spork” will "evolutionize" the table, calculating macros mid-bite, diagnosing gout before dessert, and maybe filing your taxes between courses. He paints a post-apocalyptic buffet where the spork reigns supreme as the lone survivor of the silverware drawer. Kirk calls him a glassy-eyed flatware futurist and demands actual improvements beyond vibes and vaporware. Cornered, Kraig immediately pivots into ranting about the history of the spork with questionable facts. Moderator Jed tries to keep the debate from tarnishing, while Hung Juror Professor Safety quietly pleads with both debaters to try and make some kind of a cogent argument at some point. It’s scoop vs stab, prong vs wrong, on this sharply divided episode of Mass Debate!

On this week's episode, we’re crackin’ open a cold bottle of 90s nostalgia and seeing which lunchroom legend reigns supreme: Yoo-hoo or Capri-Sun? Jed blasts out of the gates with a two-fisted trip down memory lane, claiming Yoo-hoo was the undisputed champ of vending machines, the chocolatey brown elixir of champions and every sweaty teenager’s post-P.E. reward. But Kraig jabs back with a shiny pouch full of flavor variety, arguing that Capri Sun came in ten flavors and one unspoken truth: stabbing that pouch was a rite of passage.

The Q&A spirals into a full-on Freudian field day as the debate somehow becomes 50% beverage analysis, 50% phallic symbolism. Jed furiously defends shaking that glass bottle with both hands like it owes him lunch money, while Kraig describes the Capri-Sun puncture as “precision tip play for the hydration elite.” Kraig even dares to claim it’s made with real fruit juice, sending Jed scrambling to identify exactly what Yoo-hoo is, aside from “definitely not chocolate milk.” Moderator Kirk tries to keep things hydrated, only to succumb to cotton-mouth and lose all control. It’s pseudo-juice vs choco-water, pouch vs bottle, and one wildly inappropriate health class tangent on this totally thirst quenching episode of Mass Debate!