On this week's episode, PBS goes pay-per-view as Jed and Professor Safety absolutely suplex your childhood over who would win in a physical fight: Mister Rogers or Bob Ross? Jed comes out swinging for Team Rogers, suggesting that the soft-spoken sweater saint was just method-acting for PBS checks, and once the cameras stopped rolling, he transformed into Heisenberg in loafers, politely asking you to be his neighbor before rearranging your furniture and your jaw. According to Jed, you’d be shocked what Fred was packing under that cardigan - both emotionally and structurally.

Professor Safety, meanwhile, turns Bob Ross into a woodland warlock, a perm-powered predator who paints “happy little trees” by day and practices throat-jabs by moonlight. He describes Ross as a soft-spoken sensei whose palette knife doubles as a last-resort weapon, a man whose only true color is crimson canvas carnage. Bob, he argues, is the pinnacle of human evolution - part monk, part lumberjack, part government experiment. As both debaters spiral into oddly detailed breakdowns of brute strength and cardigan tensile durability, Moderator Kirk watches the neighborhood burn while Hung Juror Kraig wonders if Mr. McFeely is ready to get tagged in. It’s wholesome vs hostile, easel vs equalizer, and the bloodiest episode ever sponsored by public broadcasting...and viewers like you, on this aggressively delightful episode of Mass Debate!

On this week's episode, things get downright utensil-itarian as Kirk and Kraig fork over their sharpest takes on the question: Does everyday cutlery need an upgrade - The Spork vs Spoon and Fork? Kirk digs in for Team Classic, arguing that when it comes to dining, specialization matters. You scoop soup with authority and spear steak with purpose. The spork, he says, is just a half-tined identity crisis that can’t fully commit. He even suggests its stubby lil' prongs and lack of penetration power hit a little too close to home for Kraig.

Kraig, undeterred, embraces Team Spork like it’s the chosen one of flatware prophecy. Sure, today’s spork may be a plastic peasant, he admits, but tomorrow’s “Super Spork” will "evolutionize" the table, calculating macros mid-bite, diagnosing gout before dessert, and maybe filing your taxes between courses. He paints a post-apocalyptic buffet where the spork reigns supreme as the lone survivor of the silverware drawer. Kirk calls him a glassy-eyed flatware futurist and demands actual improvements beyond vibes and vaporware. Cornered, Kraig immediately pivots into ranting about the history of the spork with questionable facts. Moderator Jed tries to keep the debate from tarnishing, while Hung Juror Professor Safety quietly pleads with both debaters to try and make some kind of a cogent argument at some point. It’s scoop vs stab, prong vs wrong, on this sharply divided episode of Mass Debate!

On this week's episode, we’re crackin’ open a cold bottle of 90s nostalgia and seeing which lunchroom legend reigns supreme: Yoo-hoo or Capri-Sun? Jed blasts out of the gates with a two-fisted trip down memory lane, claiming Yoo-hoo was the undisputed champ of vending machines, the chocolatey brown elixir of champions and every sweaty teenager’s post-P.E. reward. But Kraig jabs back with a shiny pouch full of flavor variety, arguing that Capri Sun came in ten flavors and one unspoken truth: stabbing that pouch was a rite of passage.

The Q&A spirals into a full-on Freudian field day as the debate somehow becomes 50% beverage analysis, 50% phallic symbolism. Jed furiously defends shaking that glass bottle with both hands like it owes him lunch money, while Kraig describes the Capri-Sun puncture as “precision tip play for the hydration elite.” Kraig even dares to claim it’s made with real fruit juice, sending Jed scrambling to identify exactly what Yoo-hoo is, aside from “definitely not chocolate milk.” Moderator Kirk tries to keep things hydrated, only to succumb to cotton-mouth and lose all control. It’s pseudo-juice vs choco-water, pouch vs bottle, and one wildly inappropriate health class tangent on this totally thirst quenching episode of Mass Debate!

On this week's episode, it’s a tangled web of chaos as Jed, Kirk, and special guest Jonathan "G-Man" Goolsby swing headfirst into the great power, great responsibility, and greatly unnecessary drama of Who Was the Best Spider-Man: Garfield, Holland, or Maguire? Kirk crawls in early with Team Holland, claiming Tom’s the perfect hybrid of teen awkwardness and proven hero, and boasting more MCU movies under his belt than Aunt May has lovers post-Uncle Ben. Jed clings to the wall of nostalgia like a radioactive barnacle, swearing Tobey set the gold standard with the best villains, best crying face, and best ability to look 32 in high school. Then G-Man ziplines in, shirtless in spirit, insisting Andrew Garfield was “the sexiest Spider snack of them all”, praising his temple-tier body, hunky swag, and ability to thwip his way into your heart and pants.

But when the Balls-to-the-Wall Q&A starts, G-Man gets caught in his own web of confusion, mixing up villains like a drunk multiverse, crediting Garfield with fighting Sandman and Vulture in a three way cage match. Jed pirouettes around questions about Tobey’s geriatric high school era, while Kirk plays the "emotional resonance" card so hard it nearly swings the debate into therapy. Moderator Kraig tries to keep the web untangled, but by the end, everyone’s stuck in their own Spidey logic. It’s Peter vs Peter vs Peter in a multiversal mess of spandex, sobbing, and suspicious timelines on this amazing, spectacular, web-slinging episode of Mass Debate!

On this week's episode, it’s the clash of the savanna titans as Kraig and special guest Chris Morris square off in a fight to the death between a giraffe and a rhinoceros. Kraig gallops out of the gate swinging...literally, claiming the giraffe is nature’s sleeper agent, lulling foes into a false sense of serenity before going full Happy Gilmore with that neck-meets-sledgehammer skull. Chris isn't fazed, describing the rhino as a low-to-the-ground girth goblin built for one thing: nut-seeking destruction. He claims that one well-placed horn jab would turn the giraffe’s majestic stride into a tragic, nutless wobble. Kraig fires back that giraffes are limber legends, capable of ballerina-level footwork and dodging like a goddamn leaf in the wind. But Chris shuts it down by calling the giraffe “a sentient crane on stilts” and insists a single leg hit would turn that longboi into a falling Jenga tower. Moderator Kirk tries to keep the beastly bloodbath cordial, while Hung Juror Jed starts sketching Geoffrey Giraffe-Rocksteady fanfic in his notes. It’s length vs girth and elegance vs obliteration, on this savagely stupid episode of Mass Debate!

On this week's episode, bullets fly and logic dies as Kraig and special guest Ian Picciano square off over which cinematic badass reigns supreme: Rambo or The Terminator? Kraig bursts in shirtless and waving a flag, declaring Rambo an all-American meat missile, forged in the fires of freedom and shirtless vengeance. But Ian doesn’t flinch, calmly revealing that the Terminator is literally made of American steel and could crush Rambo like a juice box in a minefield. Kraig fumbles the flag and backpedals hard, scrambling to rebrand the Terminator as some secret ICE-funded robo-narc, only for Ian to shut it down by quoting Kraig’s own anti-Terminator rant from two minutes earlier. With his logic bleeding out, Kraig attempts a desperate pivot, shouting “Okay fine—Rambo vs Sarah Connor, then!” Moderator Jed just blinks in disbelief, while Hung Juror Kirk wonders aloud if they’re debating or auditioning for Expendables 7: Midlife Crisis Reloaded. It's flesh vs metal, freedom vs firmware, and the collapse of rhetorical dignity on this episode of Mass Debate!

On this week's episode, the battle lines are drawn straight across the Great Plains as special guest Andy Bateman and Jed face off over one burning question: Which Dakota is better - South or North? Andy comes out swinging with the geographic equivalent of a mic drop, firing off location names like Wall Drug, Mount Rushmore, and Sturgis with zero context but maximum devastation. Jed, meanwhile, stares into the void, realizing North Dakota may just be a Canadian buffer zone with oil money and stars. As Andy continues steamrolling with pure noun-based dominance, things take a surreal turn when he starts coaching Jed mid-debate, casually offering North Dakota facts like a bored TA watching a freshman flounder through a book report. Moderator Kraig tries to keep a straight face, while Hung Juror Kirk silently draws a buffalo on his notepad and writes “pray 4 Jed” underneath. Watch in real time as Jed’s will to argue evaporates somewhere between Minot and existential dread - on this absolutely directionless episode of Mass Debate!

On this week's episode, it’s plush-on-plush carnage as Jed and JT try to stuff each other over which 80s icon was the cooler toy: Teddy Ruxpin or My Pet Monster? Jed rolls in hard on Team Ruxpin, calling him “the animatronic king of the toy aisle”, a storytelling legend with more charm than a Care Bear on quaaludes. But things take a hard emotional turn when Jed reveals he never actually owned a Teddy Ruxpin, tearfully confessing his childhood was filled with bootleg bedtime hugs from a stuffed sock stitched together by his nanny. JT counters from Team Monster, arguing My Pet Monster was the blue-furred underdog of childhood trauma, ugly enough to make any kid feel quite dashing by comparison. He paints Teddy as a bougie Pooh Bear knockoff, floating around in his airship like a rich kid who only played cassette tapes from NPR. As the sobs clash with sarcasm, Moderator Kirk tries to hold the threadbare argument together while Hung Juror Kraig slowly handcuffs himself in solidarity with the Monster. It’s prestige vs punk rock, circuits vs chains, and a whole lotta unresolved toy store trauma on this cuddly, chaotic episode of Mass Debate!