In this vulnerable and empowering conversation, host Tera Wages sits down with Ally Bullock — licensed marriage and family therapist, Head of Relationships at Paired, and creator of Relationships with Ally. Together, they unpack the realities of sex and intimacy after parenting. From mismatched desire and the weight of invisible labor, to the science behind stress and sexual satisfaction, Ally shares practical strategies couples can use to reconnect. Listeners will hear real-life stories, expert insights, and powerful tools — like co-regulation rituals, responsive desire reframes, and scheduling intimacy — that can transform the way partners approach connection in the busiest seasons of life.

Chapters:

• 00:00:00 - Welcome to Fatherhood Field Notes Pocast
• 00:00:27 - Meet Aly Bullock
• 00:01:50 - 45% of parents report less intimacy
• 00:03:58 - Aly's Background: A marriage and family therapist with the Paired app
• 00:05:48 - Aly's Personal Story: Marriage, three kids, and "chaotic" life
• 00:07:28 - How does sex change after kids?
• 00:08:13 - Why Intimacy Decreases
• 00:09:00 - Feeling "touched out" after 10 years of pregnancy/nursing
• 00:10:17 - Desire Types: Spontaneous vs. responsive desire explained
• 00:12:55 - Use a shared note to "brain dump" the mental load
• 00:15:47 - Reframing Expectations: Embrace a new normal post-kids
• 00:17:45 - Why to Schedule Sex
• 00:19:06 - Study: A mother's stress predicts lower sexual satisfaction for both partners
• 00:20:00 - A New Approach: Schedule "intimacy time," not just sex
• 00:24:08 - A Moment of Empathy: Tera's husband experiences overstimulation
• 00:25:37 - Tip for Overstimulation: Co-regulation with back-to-back breathing
• 00:28:03 - Use AirPods with relaxing music during sex
• 00:28:53 - Study: Small, daily intimate acts boost satisfaction
• 00:30:18 - Identity Matters
• 00:31:21 - Tip on Identity: Separate your "parent" and "partner" roles
• 00:32:21 - Intimacy can get better with time
• 00:41:41 - Recap: A summary of the episode's key tips
• 00:42:13 - Resource: The Paired app's "Recharge Your Sex Life" course
• 00:42:57 - Where to find Aly

Links and Resources:

• Relationship with Aly Website:

• • Aly on Instagram
  • Aly on ⁠LinkedIn⁠:⁠ Aly Bullock
  • Download the Core Emotion Wheel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://youtube.com/@connectioncodes?si=phORYBsGMOOrj9mA⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
  • Find out how to become a Certified Coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
  • Find a coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/coaches#find-a-coach-menu⁠

  
  

In this powerful conversation, Dr. Glenn and Phyllis talk with Paul and Hannah McClure—musicians, parents, and certified Connection Codes coaches—about the journey of learning to process emotions instead of drowning in them. The McClures share openly about walking through miscarriage, facing parenting challenges, and breaking free from long seasons of disconnection. They describe how simple tools like the Core Emotion Wheel gave them language for their feelings, transformed their marriage, and reshaped the way they connect as a family. This episode is an invitation to slow down, honor what you feel, and discover how vulnerability can lead to lasting healing and deeper relationships.Chapters:

• 00:00:00 – Welcome to the Connection Codes Podcast

• 00:00:57 – Meet Paul & Hannah

• 00:01:34 – Story of meeting as teens and family background

• 00:02:41 – Discovery of the program in 2020 through webinars

• 00:03:15 – How the tools helped process miscarriage

• 00:04:44 – Reflection on “choose joy” culture and parenting impact

• 00:05:31 – Childhood experience of suppressing emotions

• 00:07:23 – Demonstration of the Core Emotion Wheel

• 00:09:27 – Feelings of anger, guilt, and loneliness in friendships

• 00:11:16 – Fear about an album release and hurt from a trip

• 00:13:00 – Key victories and struggles with the tools

• 00:14:23 – Resolving conflict in Hawaii by naming hurt

• 00:17:30 – How minutes of processing prevent days of disconnect

• 00:19:51 – Example of using the wheel during a cancer diagnosis

• 00:25:00 – Motivation for becoming coaches

• 00:27:18 – Coaching removed the pressure of having all the answers

• 00:30:04 – How unprocessed joy can lead to poor choices

• 00:32:04 – The wheel as a manual for navigating trauma

• 00:37:29 – Fear of drowning in emotions

• 00:40:10 – Seeing past anger to identify underlying hurt

Links and Resources:

• Download the Core Emotion Wheel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://youtube.com/@connectioncodes?si=phORYBsGMOOrj9mA⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Find out how to become a Certified Coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Find a coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/coaches#find-a-coach-menu⁠

Tera Wages sits down with Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill to unpack the heart behind launching the School of Connection. Together, they explore why disconnection is one of the most dangerous forces in marriages, families, and workplaces, and how community becomes the missing piece for lasting transformation. With real stories of parents using the Core Emotion Wheel, couples breaking the cycle of conflict, and individuals rediscovering hope, this conversation reveals a clear path from isolation to authentic connection. If you’ve ever longed for deeper relationships or wondered how to move from surviving to thriving, this episode offers practical tools and an inspiring vision for healing through connection

Chapters:

• (00:00:00) - Welcome to Connection Codes Podcast
• (00:02:12) - The Big Announcement
• (00:03:12) - Identifying the Need for Human Connection
• (00:04:20) - Announcing the "School of Connection"
• (00:05:01) - Why Everyone Needs This
• (00:06:17) - Phyllis on the Power of a "Deep Dive"
• (00:07:19) - A Health Journey vs. Relational Health
• (00:09:07) - The Pain of Loneliness When Success Isn't Enough

• (00:11:58) - Why Handing Someone a Chainsaw Doesn't Make Them an Ice Sculptor
• (00:13:46) - Phyllis on the Burden of Meeting the Community's Needs
• (00:17:44) - The Unexpected Transformations: Restored Marriages and Found Voices
• (00:19:30) - "People are Dating Robots"
• (00:23:14) - My 6-Year-Old Coached Me Through Conflict
• (00:25:09) - Aiming to "Freak Out Over a 10-Minute Conflict"
• (00:28:20) - "We Did the Book, But That Wasn't Enough"
• (00:33:19) - Who This Is For: Breaking Free From Walking on Eggshells
• (00:35:08) - Discovering a Spouse's Hidden Pain
• (00:40:47) - How to Join: Announcing the First Cohort Start Date
• (00:43:43) - The Team's Core Emotions About the New School
• (00:44:03) - Fear and Joy of Launching the Program
• (00:47:23) - The Anger of Financial Limitations
• (00:50:48) - The Rarity of Hearing the Real Story Behind a Business
• (00:52:45) - The Path to Becoming a Certified Coach

Links and Resources:

• Download the Core Emotion Wheel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://youtube.com/@connectioncodes?si=phORYBsGMOOrj9mA⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Find out how to become a Certified Coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Find a coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/coaches#find-a-coach-menu⁠