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Counselling Tutor Podcast

Counselling Tutor Podcast

Auteur(s): Ken Kelly and Rory Lees-Oakes
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 Counsellor CPD- Training and Counselling Student Resources Éducation
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  • 369 – Working with Shame in the Therapy Room

    369 – Working with Shame in the Therapy Room
    Mar 14 2026
    Working with Limerent – Feeling Out of Your Depth as a Student Counsellor In Episode 369 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore working with shame in the therapy room – how shame presents, how it differs from guilt, and how to work with it gently and ethically. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Nadine Pittam about limerence – a powerful and often overwhelming state of obsessive romantic attachment – and how therapists can work safely and effectively with clients experiencing it. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss what to do when you feel out of your depth as a counselling student, offering reassurance, practical guidance, and encouragement. Working with Shame in the Therapy Room [starts at 03:24 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore working with shame in the therapy room, unpacking the complex and often hidden nature of shame, how it presents in clients, and how therapists can respond sensitively and ethically. Key points discussed include: Shame is identity-based (“there is something wrong with me”), whereas guilt relates to behaviour (“I did something wrong”). Shame often hides itself and may present subtly through withdrawal, minimising, avoidance, anger, or difficulty maintaining eye contact. Triggers can include criticism, rejection, humiliation, invalidation, bullying, coercion, or conditional approval. The cycle of shame involves activation, negative self-beliefs, coping strategies (withdrawal, control, emotional numbing), temporary relief, and reinforcement. Working with shame requires gentleness – noticing body language, naming shame carefully, and pacing the work to avoid overwhelming the client. Reflective questions such as “When do you first remember feeling this way?”, “Who taught you that you were not good enough?”, and “What did you need at that time that you didn’t receive?” can open healing dialogue. Separating identity from experience is central – helping clients understand that what happened to them does not define who they are. Supervision and reflective practice are essential when working with shame, both for client safety and therapist self-awareness. Working with Limerent [starts at 33:53 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Nadine Pittam about limerence – a term coined by Dorothy Tennov to describe an intense, involuntary state of romantic obsession. Key points from this conversation include: Limerence is not simply infatuation or love; it is an addictive, dysregulated state marked by intrusive thoughts and emotional dependency. It can feel life-or-death in intensity and may result in relationship breakdowns, loss of identity, and significant emotional distress. The limerent object is often someone partially known (e.g. a colleague, acquaintance, former partner), allowing projection of unmet attachment needs. Therapy focuses on the client’s unmet needs and attachment history, rather than on analysing the limerent object. The therapist validates the emotional pain while gently challenging the belief that the other person will “solve” the distress. Limerence may involve “eroticised abandonment”, where rejection or unavailability intensifies obsession. Clear professional boundaries are vital, as therapists themselves may become the limerent object through transference. This is often longer-term work, requiring emotional honesty, self-compassion, and sustained therapeutic engagement. Feeling Out of Your Depth as a Student Counsellor [starts at 57:30 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore the common experience of feeling overwhelmed or inadequate during counselling training and placement. Key points include: Feeling out of your depth is common and often reflects care, responsibility, and commitment rather than incompetence. Imposter syndrome affects both students and qualified practitioners – it does not disappear after training. Clients may bring complex or distressing material that feels very different from classroom skills practice. Your role is not to fix clients or have all the answers, but to offer warmth, empathy, and a safe, non-judgemental space. Being deeply heard is rare and powerful – the therapeutic relationship itself is often the primary healing factor. If the work feels overwhelming, take it to supervision, personal therapy, and peer discussion rather than carrying it alone. You were accepted onto your course because your tutors believe in your readiness and potential. Developing robustness is part of training – feeling stretched can be a sign of growth. Reflective practice and open dialogue prevent self-doubt from becoming hidden shame. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling ...
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  • 368 – When Media Coverage Enters the Counselling Room

    368 – When Media Coverage Enters the Counselling Room
    Mar 7 2026
    Attachment: What Counsellors Need to Know – Why Check-Ins and Check-Outs Matter In Episode 368 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly guide you through three key areas of counselling practice, learning, and development. In Ethical, Sustainable Practice, Rory and Ken explore when media coverage enters the counselling room, examining how major reporting on trauma and abuse can increase client contact and shape presentations. In Practice Matters, Rory is interviewed by Sarah Henry about his latest CPD lecture on attachment, exploring why attachment theory is central to therapeutic work. And in Student Services, Rory and Ken discuss the role of check-ins and check-outs in counselling training, and why these processes matter far beyond the classroom. When Media Coverage Enters the Counselling Room [starts at 03:18 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore when media coverage enters the counselling room, examining how high-profile reporting of abuse and trauma can trigger an increase in client enquiries and influence therapeutic presentations. Key points discussed include: Major news stories can act as a trigger, prompting clients to seek therapy for historic trauma. The “Savile Effect” explains why disclosures often surge following widespread media attention. Therapists may notice increases in presentations such as flashbacks, shame, hyperarousal, and crisis responses. Working in a trauma-informed way prioritises safety, pacing, choice, and avoiding re-traumatisation. Having a surge plan in place helps therapists manage capacity, referrals, and ethical boundaries. Supervision is essential for managing risk, vicarious trauma, and professional decision-making during these periods. Attachment: What Counsellors Need to Know [starts at 26:54 mins] In this week’s Practice Matters, Sarah Henry interviews Rory Lees-Oakes about his recent lecture on attachment theory and its relevance to counselling practice. Key points from this discussion include: Therapy itself is an attachment process, with the therapist offering stability, presence, and emotional availability. Attachment styles are patterns, not pathology, and shape how clients relate to themselves and others. The therapist can become a secure base, supporting repair and earned security within the therapeutic relationship. Boundaries, consistency, and predictability are central to creating safety in attachment work. Ruptures and repairs are inevitable and can become powerful corrective relational experiences. Attachment dynamics show up in first contact, transference, countertransference, and endings in therapy. Why Check-Ins and Check-Outs Matter [starts at 51:42 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore the purpose of check-ins and check-outs in counselling training and how these practices translate into professional work. Key points include: Check-ins help students transition from the outside world into a reflective learning space. They allow tutors to assess group safety, emotional readiness, and potential risk. Sharing emotional states builds empathy, cohesion, and self-awareness within the group. Check-outs support reflection, integration of learning, and emotional containment at the end of sessions. These processes mirror therapeutic practice, modelling how sessions begin and end with clients. Developing this discipline in training supports ethical, present, and grounded practice post-qualification. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Training and CPD Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
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  • 367 – Talking to Clients About AI in Therapy

    367 – Talking to Clients About AI in Therapy
    Feb 28 2026
    EMDR in Practice: The Functional Model – When Do You Become a Qualified Counsellor? In Episode 367 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly explore three timely and important topics for counsellors, psychotherapists, and students. Firstly, in Ethical, Sustainable Practice, Rory and Ken explore talking to clients about AI in therapy, discussing the growing presence of artificial intelligence (AI) in clients’ lives and why therapists need to address the risks, ethics, and boundaries of AI use within the therapeutic contract. Then, in Practice Matters, Rory is joined by Andrew Kidd for the second part of their conversation on EMDR, focusing on the functional model and how EMDR works in practice to help clients reprocess trauma. Finally, in Student Services, Rory and Ken unpack a common source of confusion for trainees: when you actually become “qualified” as a counsellor, and how this differs from accreditation and employability. Talking to Clients About AI in Therapy [starts at 03:08 mins] Rory and Ken explore talking to clients about AI in therapy, examining why counsellors need to understand and address clients’ use of AI and how to ethically integrate this into therapeutic practice. Key points discussed include: Many clients are already using AI tools (such as large language models) for emotional support and guidance, often without understanding the risks. AI does not hold duty of care, ethical accountability, or safeguarding responsibilities, unlike a trained therapist. Responses from AI can sound confident and empathic but may be inaccurate, inappropriate, or harmful. Client data shared with AI tools may be stored, analysed, and used commercially, with no guarantee of confidentiality. Including AI use within the therapy contract helps protect clients and supports ethical, defensible practice. EMDR in Practice: The Functional Model [starts at 41:03 mins] In this second interview, Andrew Kidd explains how EMDR works in the therapy room and how it helps the brain reprocess traumatic memories. Key points from this conversation include: Trauma is understood not as what happened, but as what happens inside the nervous system as a result of events. EMDR works by activating the brain’s natural healing mechanisms through bilateral stimulation (eye movements, taps, or tones). Bilateral stimulation helps clients stay grounded in the present while safely processing past memories. Clients do not need to recount traumatic events in full detail for EMDR to be effective. After reprocessing, memories often feel more distant and less emotionally charged, allowing clients to live more freely in the present. When Do You Become a Qualified Counsellor? [starts at 01:02:11 mins] Rory and Ken clarify the difference between being qualified, accredited, and employable within the counselling profession. Key points include: Completing a recognised counselling diploma (with supervised practice) means you are technically a qualified counsellor. Counselling is not a legally protected title in the UK and relies on voluntary regulation via professional bodies. Many employers (such as the NHS and EAPs) now require accreditation, which comes after significant post-qualification practice hours. Accreditation often involves additional competencies and assessments not covered in initial training. Understanding this career pathway early can help students plan realistically and stay resilient in their professional journey. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Training and CPD Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
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