If dysfunction feels familiar, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you learned how to adapt.

This episode is a little different from the usual Relationship Rants. Recorded during a live girls night in, Christy shares a personal story that sits at the heart of so many relationship, work, and life patterns—not because it’s dramatic, but because it’s quietly common.

We praise people for being adaptable, flexible, and resilient, without stopping to ask what that adaptability is costing them. Over time, small adjustments become invisible, effort becomes normal, and exhaustion starts to feel like a personality trait.

This conversation isn’t about self improvement, personality tests, or fixing yourself.

It’s about identity—who we learn to be in order to belong, feel safe, and be accepted, and how that identity can start running our lives without us realizing it. And it’s about the stories we tell that shape our experience.

This episode invites a softer kind of awareness. One where misalignment isn’t failure, burnout isn’t who you are, and coming home to yourself doesn’t require a dramatic overhaul—just a pause, a noticing, and a gentle remembering.

Contact Christy & Additional Resources:

www.coachchristyholt.com

Chapters

00:00 — When Dysfunction Feels Familiar

Why normal doesn’t always mean healthy.

00:16 — This Episode Is a Little Different

A live girls night in story that reveals quiet patterns.

00:37 — Identity Is Learned, Not Inherent

How belonging teaches us who to be.

02:34 — How Patterns Become Normal

Small adaptations that slowly disappear from view.

03:12 — Who You Learned to Be

The roles we take on to fit, stay safe, and be accepted.

05:49 — When Adaptation Becomes Identity

How misalignment starts to feel like “this is just who I am.”

06:36 — Burnout, Overwhelm, and Self-Blame

When exhaustion gets mistaken for personality.

07:51 — When the Story Takes Over

How internal narratives quietly shape our lives.

08:31 — The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Why changing the story changes the experience.

10:25 — When Normal Stops Being Neutral

The hidden cost of ignoring your nature and rhythms.

12:00 — How This Shows Up in Relationships

Belonging over truth, approval over alignment.

12:37 — A Quiet Invitation to Notice

Coming home to yourself without pressure or labels.

🎶 Music Credit:

“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO

“Narcissist” has become one of the most overused words in modern relationship spaces—and while the label can sometimes bring relief and validation, it can also quietly freeze growth.

In this Relationship Rant, Christy slows the conversation way down to explore what narcissism actually is, what it isn’t, and why reducing every painful relationship to a single label often keeps people stuck in the very patterns they’re trying to escape.

This episode isn’t about excusing behaviour, denying harm, or blaming anyone.

It’s about understanding patterns—because patterns are where real change happens.

We explore the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and common narcissistic patterns, why these dynamics don’t exist in isolation, how over-responsibility pairs with control, and why labels can feel clarifying while quietly removing agency.

This conversation brings compassion without collapse, responsibility without shame, and a powerful reframe that shifts the focus from diagnosing others to reclaiming choice, self-trust, and balance.

Contact Christy & Additional Resources:

www.coachchristyholt.com

Chapters

00:00 — Why “Narcissist” Has Become the Most Overused Label

How one word has come to explain everything—and why that’s a problem.

01:15 — What Narcissism Is (and Isn’t)

Distinguishing clinical diagnoses from common relational patterns.

03:04 — Why So Many Women Reach for the Narcissist Label

Validation, relief, and the moment a name finally makes sense.

04:42 — Patterns Work in Pairs

Why narcissistic dynamics require a matching pattern to stay alive.

06:20 — Covert vs Overt Narcissistic Patterns

Dominance, victimhood, and the quieter forms of control.

07:07 — Refusal of Responsibility vs Over-Responsibility

Two trauma responses that mirror each other—and keep imbalance in place.

08:08 — The Spectrum of Self

From entitlement to people pleasing, and where health actually lives.

09:27 — Generational Trauma and Relational Templates

How families teach us who adapts, who holds power, and what love requires.

11:07 — Why Labels Keep You Stuck

How certainty can feel safer than complexity—and why it blocks change.

11:39 — How Patterns Actually Begin to Shift

Awareness, interruption, and reclaiming choice without shame.

12:25 — Episode Recap

Clarity without blame—and why freedom comes from honest self-awareness.

🎶 Music Credit:

“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO

What if support doesn’t require hierarchy?

In this Relationship Rant, Christy names a quiet but pervasive problem in the modern relationship space—the rise of gurus, gender wars, and advice that sounds confident but lacks embodied truth.

This episode explores how much relationship harm doesn’t begin with lies, but with partial truths placed inside hierarchy. When guidance turns into control, when questioning is labeled resistance, and when authority replaces self trust, connection quietly erodes.

Let's unpack why so much online relationship advice comes from content creators rather than people living secure, emotionally mature partnerships, how outrage culture profits from division, and why scripts and tactics never create real intimacy—only the illusion of it.

This isn’t about rejecting growth, accountability, or support.

It’s about reclaiming sovereignty, nuance, and presence in a landscape that rewards extremes over truth.

This episode brings grounded clarity, compassion without collapse, accountability without punishment, and an invitation to stop outsourcing your relational power to voices that thrive on fear and control.

Contact Christy & Additional Resources:

www.coachchristyholt.com

Chapters

00:00 — What If Support Doesn’t Require Hierarchy?

Why Christy refuses the guru role—and what healthy mentorship actually looks like.

02:21 — Why So Many “Relationship Experts” Get It Wrong

How confidence gets mistaken for wisdom in the online relationship space.

03:26 — The Problem With Gurus Who Don’t Live What They Teach

Theory, performance, and why embodied wisdom can’t be faked.

04:19 — When Truth Turns Into Hierarchy

The moment guidance becomes control—and dissent gets labeled resistance.

06:50 — Red Pill, Man-Hating, and the Outrage Economy

How gender war content profits from fear, division, and distrust.

08:31 — When You Learn Scripts Instead of Skills

Why memorized lines don’t create intimacy—and never will.

14:03 — Your Algorithm Is Feeding You a Gender War

How extreme narratives distort dating before connection even begins.

15:37 — Are Men Really From Mars? (Hint: No.)

Why gender differences are mostly conditioning, not destiny.

17:32 — How Gender Roles Distort Modern Connection

Stoic providers, emotional managers, and why everyone ends up frustrated.

18:15 — Compassion + Accountability: What Most Gurus Miss

Why real growth requires both—without hierarchy.

23:28 — Theory vs Embodied Wisdom

Why lived experience matters more than perfect frameworks.

26:24 — Relationship Rant Recap

Reclaiming sovereignty, self trust, and presence in love.

🎶 Music Credit:

“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO