In this episode, we pull apart “perfection” from multiple angles: the rigid, human version that freezes us in place, and the spacious, spiritual sense that everything is already perfect as it is. We track how perfectionism shows up as proficiency fatalism (“they’re so good, why should I even try?”), hidden competitiveness (“if I can’t be sure I’ll win, I don’t want to play”), and a deep avoidance of feelings like disappointment and shame.

We talk about perfection as “the anti-try” — the thing that keeps you out of the arena entirely — and contrast it with iteration, play, and being willing to be bad at something (and even be seen being bad at it) on the way to growth. Along the way, we explore growth vs fixed mindset, how confidence is built by surviving failure rather than racking up successes, and how self-kindness turns failures into compost instead of evidence that you’re broken.

We mention a bunch of our favorite people! Joe Hudson, Reverend angel Kyodo williams, Carol Dweck and her book Mindset, among others.

We close with a pair of invitations:

• If perfection is a trap, what would make you feel more free in this moment?

• And if perfection is a myth, what becomes possible when you stop waiting to feel “ready” and let yourself try, fail, learn, and try again?

In this episode, we look under the hood of incentives—the seen and unseen forces that quietly steer our choices. We explore explicit rewards (bonuses, treats, “if I do X I get Y”) and the subtler, socially programmed incentives that keep us car-brained, over-consuming, lonely, and stuck on the individualist treadmill. We talk car culture and walkability, the myth of “more personal freedom = better,” lawnmowers and shared resources, consumerism as “the perfection of slavery,” and how all of this fuels burnout, anxiety, and environmental collapse. Then we bring it back to the personal: how to notice the urges that move you, align your incentives with your real values, and use tiny, intentional “self-tricks” to choose connection, community, and a life that’s good for both the bee and the hive.

Resources mentioned:

Consumerism is the Perfection of Slavery, YouTube lecture by Professor Jiang Xueqin

The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist

Atomic Habits by James Clear

In this episode, we unpack the slippery power of expectations—how they can motivate, manipulate, cheer or demotivate. We tease apart expectations vs. ambitions vs. intentions, explore why unspoken expectations are The Worst, and offer body-based ways to feel the difference between attachment and optimism. From rock-climbing mantras (“climb hard and have fun”) to million-dollar-goal thought experiments, we keep circling one powerful truth: presence, agency, and clear standards beat future-tense attachment every time.

And we leave you with an invitation to explore your relationship to expectations for yourself. For the next two weeks:

1. Notice when an expectation appears.

2. Name it out loud or on paper and get curious about it. Is it spoken? Is it yours?

3. Reframe it to an intention (present, controllable) or an ambition (energizing, values-aligned).

4. Check in with your body: Ask “What does this feel like?” Get to know your body's ways of communicating yes and no.

5. Journal briefly each day to spot patterns and wins.

What if discomfort isn’t something to avoid—but an invitation into expansion, aliveness, and self-trust?

In this episode, Rosa and Aaron dive into the strange, surprising terrain of discomfort—anticipation, dread, exhilaration, growth—and what it means to meet it with curiosity instead of resistance. From skydiving and long flights to creative risks and self-talk, we explore why everything you want really is on the other side of some new form of discomfort—and how to cross that threshold with celebration rather than self-punishment.

You’ll hear:

• Why anticipated discomfort is usually worse than the real thing

• How novel discomfort (not familiar pain) is where growth actually happens

• How to reframe dread as excitement and discomfort as aliveness

• Why “experiments” and “mistakes” are the true markers of expansion

• The danger of proficiency fatalism (and how to start anyway)

• Practices for befriending discomfort: movement, reframing, self-encouragement, and awe

We're here to remind you that discomfort doesn’t stand in your way—it just happens to be in front of you.

In this episode, Rosa and Aaron unpack why most “communication” isn’t—yet. We explore trading “How are you?” for openings that spark real connection, explore why “Does that make sense?” falls flat, and share practical moves like reflection and slowing down to speed up. Along the way we touch on self-talk as a performance enhancer, the limits of language, and the courage to keep conversations open, curious, and kind.

We reference Delete Your Defaults favorites Alan Watts and Joe Hudson.

If you’re ready for friendships (and a life) that can hold truth, tenderness, and growth—this one’s for you.

Episode snapshot

Rosa and Aaron unpack what we call full-contact friendship: relationships where we stop performing, tell the truth, and meet each other in the gritty, generous middle. You’ll hear about midlife “unraveling,” the comfort trap, type-2 fun, and the inner work that makes vulnerability feel less like free-fall and more like strength training for the soul.

Mentioned in this episode

• Brené Brown — The Midlife Unraveling
• Michael Easter — The Comfort Crisis
• Ryan Holiday — The Obstacle Is the Way
• Art of Accomplishment (Joe Hudson) — the “enjoy this 10% more” experiment
• Jordan Hirsch — improv-based coaching

For all that we live in a world that pretends we’re rational beings doing rational things, feelings drive everything in our lives, or block everything. Developing the skill of feeling our feelings, allowing them to move, expressing them healthily determines the quality of our relationships, our creative output, our work product, and so much more.

We explore how our feelings can bring us wisdom and information the brain can’t grasp or hold onto, the value of intuition,

We mention Joe Hudson and his awesome coaching videos. Here’s the specific one we refer to. Here’s another.

We also mention two breathwork apps: Pause and Breathwrk.

Our music is by “Music Unlimited” from Pixabay. You can write to us at deleteyourdefaults@gmail.com (and we really do read all the emails).

Find this and all of our episodes on deleteyourdefeaults.show, or anywhere you get your podcasts. If you’re listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, consider giving us a five-star review; it helps us find other listeners like you.

This episode explores vulnerability as the core to full contact living, how avoiding vulnerability is a way of trying to be in control and stay safe. But what is safety? Protecting ourselves from life means protecting ourselves from living.

Vulnerability is the courage of giving ourselves permission to BE ourselves out loud, and in so doing, making ourselves available for real connection.

We explore resistance, attachment, and changing our minds.

We mention poet Andrea Gibson: check out their amazing work all over the internet, and Brene Brown and the midlife unraveling.

Our music is by “Music Unlimited” from Pixabay. You can write to us at deleteyourdefaults@gmail.com (and we really do read all the emails).

Find this and all of our episodes on deleteyourdefeaults.show, or anywhere you get your podcasts. If you’re listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, consider giving us a five-star review; it helps us find other listeners like you.