The War Inside Your Marriage - And How to Win It Together

What if the biggest battle in your marriage isn't between you and your spouse?

In this episode, we're unpacking the real war happening inside every marriage, which is the internal battles of pride, self-protection, fear, past wounds, and unmet desires that sabotage connection. Before you get discouraged, know that you can win this war together, and Jesus shows us how.

Whether you're feeling disconnected, discouraged, or simply wanting to grow, this episode will give you the clarity and practical tools you need to move toward peace and unity again.

What We Cover in This Episode

The Lie Most Couples Believe

"If we're fighting this much, maybe we're not right for each other."
We break down why conflict doesn't mean incompatibility, it reveals something deeper.

The Real Battle Beneath Every Argument
At the heart of almost every fight is the same truth:
"I want my way."

The Three Barriers Every Couple Faces

We walk through the three sources of marital tension that have nothing to do with whether you married the "right" person:

• Psychological differences — personality friction
• Gender differences — designed strengths that feel like irritants
• Historical wounds — the stories you didn't choose but carry

The Turning Point Every Marriage Needs

The shift from
Me-first → Christlike love is where healing begins.

How to Respond When You Feel Yourself Shutting Down, Getting Defensive, or Insisting on Your Way

We share practical, simple steps to stop escalation and choose connection.

🔥 Key Takeaways

• Your spouse is not your enemy.
• The war inside your heart is often louder than the conflict in your home.
• Marriage doesn't create your struggles, it reveals them so God can heal them.
• Christlike love is the only way to win the internal war.

📖 Scriptures Mentioned

• James 4:1
• Philippians 2:3–4
• Proverbs 18:2
• Colossians 3:12–13
• Psalm 34:18

Let's Connect!

If this episode encouraged you, it would mean the world if you left a review or shared it with another couple who needs hope today.

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*Disclaimer: The information discussed here is meant for entertainment purposes and is not meant to replace counseling or working with a trained healthcare professional.

https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-168-the-war-inside-your-marriage-and-how-to-win-it-together/

A Biblical Playbook for Marriage: Simple Strategies That Change Everything

What if marriage wasn't about winning arguments, but about learning how to play on the same team?

In today's episode, we sit down with Al & Autumn from MarriageTeam to talk about what it really means to have a biblical playbook for marriage. With decades of marriage and ministry experience, they share how God used their own story, messy beginnings, hard lessons, and real growth to shape their passion for helping couples build strong, lasting marriages.

In This Episode, We Cover:

• Al & Autumn's marriage story and the early lessons God used to shape their ministry

• What a "marriage playbook" really means and why couples need one

• How seeing your spouse as a teammate changes everything

• The vision behind the Rick & Jane Learn to Be Married book series

• Why communication is the first step toward intimacy

• Marriage coaching vs. counseling—and why coaching can be so effective

• Common misconceptions about anger and healthier, God-honoring ways to handle it

• Simple, practical strategies couples can begin using this week

Resources & Next Steps

•Check out the Rick & Jane Learn to Be Married series https://rickandjane.com

Learn more about marriage coaching or get support through MarriageTeam at: https://marriageteam.org

For inquiries or to connect with the Rays directly: alray@rickandjane.com

If this episode encouraged you, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a couple who could use some hope today.

Have you ever felt fear, heaviness, or sadness long before anything "bad" actually happened? There's nothing wrong with and you're not dramatic. But you may be experiencing anticipatory grief, and it impacts marriages far more than couples realize.

In this episode, Chris & Jamie unpack why your heart sometimes grieves before life changes… and how this hidden emotional process can affect connection, communication, and even conflict inside the marriage.

This is one of the most tender, eye-opening conversations you'll hear. Whether you're caring for aging parents, walking through health concerns, navigating infertility, or simply sensing that something in your life or marriage is shifting.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

1. What Anticipatory Grief Actually Is and how it shows up

2. Expected Causes of Anticipatory Grief in Marriage

3. Unexpected Causes Couples Don't Realize Are Grief

4. How Anticipatory Grief Shows Up Between Spouses

Many couples think they have a marriage problem —
when really, they have a grief problem.

Signs include:

• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Emotional shutdown
• Clinging or control
• Avoidance
• Misreading each other's responses

We share how this creates friction, especially when men & women process anticipatory grief differently.

5. The Transformational Question: "What am I anticipating?"

A grounding tool to help couples move from fear to clarity and compassion.

This question helps you uncover:

• The loss you're imagining
• What part of your heart feels threatened
• How your love is showing up as fear

Grief becomes a doorway to deeper connection when it's named.

6. Reframing Grief as a Couple: Turning Toward Instead of Away

We teach couples how to ask:

• "Are we fighting because of grief, not each other?"
• "Are we withdrawing because something scares us?"

And how to say:

• "I'm scared of losing ___."
• "I'm grieving how things are changing."
• "I need you with me in this."

7. What Couples Can Actually Do with Anticipatory Grief

Practical tools you can use today:

8. A Biblical Perspective on Anticipatory Grief

We explore comfort and grounding through Scripture:

• Psalm 34:18
• Matthew 6:34
• Romans 8:38–39
• 1 Peter 5:7

God meets us not only in the losses we face but also in the ones we fear.

⭐ CTA

If this episode helped open your eyes or gave language to something you've been feeling, we'd be SO grateful if you'd leave a review.
Click the ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ and share how this podcast is helping your marriage.
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In today's episode, we're talking about something a little unexpected coming from two marriage counselors: why you shouldn't always take our advice, or anyone else's, without checking with the Lord first.

We live in a world overflowing with sermons, reels, podcasts, coaching, challenges, and self-help. So much of it is helpful… but not all of it is helpful for you, and not all of it is helpful right now.

This episode is an invitation to slow down, breathe, and learn how to discern the difference between good advice and God's direction for your particular season.

⭐ Inside the Episode

Jamie's Story: When "Do It Afraid" Went Too Far

Jamie shares a pivotal moment in her journey with anxiety and how a sermon quote ("Do it afraid") became her life mantra for a season… until it began overworking her nervous system and pushing her into hypervigilance.

It wasn't bad advice; it was just no longer the right advice.
That's when God spoke a new word:
"My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."

Only the Lord knows what we truly need and exactly when we need it.

⭐ What Happens When We Treat Advice Like Scripture

We unpack why great advice can become harmful when we elevate it above God's timing:

⭐ Examples of "Good" Marriage Advice That Can Be Bad in the Wrong Season

We explore six common marriage principles that are wonderful but not universally timed:

⭐ What Scripture Says About Being Led by God

We walk through passages that remind us God leads personally and seasonally:

⭐ A Nervous System Perspective

Not every push is holy.
Not every challenge is healthy.
Sometimes "growth" advice puts your body into survival mode.

⭐ The SIFT Method: How to Discern What's Actually for You

A simple 4-step framework to help couples filter advice through prayer and peace:

⭐ Marriage Application: What This Means for Couples

Practical questions to ask one another.

⭐ Final Encouragement

Not all good advice is God's advice for you —
but God always has the right word for the right time.

✨ Stay Connected + Encouraged Every Week

If this episode encouraged you, we'd love to keep walking with you.
Sign up for our weekly marriage newsletter for devotionals, tools, and Christ-centered encouragement straight to your inbox:

👉 expeditionmarriage.org/newsletter

And don't forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone who needs it. ❤️

Every marriage walks through dry seasons, times when connection feels absent, emotions run low, and apathy sets in. But a dry season doesn't mean your marriage is dying; it often means God is doing deep, unseen work beneath the surface.

In this episode, we're digging into how to recognize, remain in, and receive from the wilderness seasons of marriage, and how to come out stronger on the other side. Using the story of Jesus' 40 days in the desert and a five-step framework, we'll help you find perspective, peace, and purpose in the desert places.

If your marriage feels weary or disconnected, this episode will remind you that God never wastes the wilderness—and new life can always come from dry ground.

🎧 Listen now and start walking toward renewal—together.

💧 In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• What a "dry season" in marriage really is, and why it's normal
• How to tell when you're in one (and what not to do about it!)
• The five steps to navigate the wilderness season well:
• What Jesus' own time in the wilderness can teach us about endurance and spiritual growth
• How God often uses silence, struggle, and stillness to deepen love and faith

🕊️ Key Scriptures Mentioned:

• Matthew 4:1–11 — Jesus led by the Spirit into the wilderness
• Luke 4:14 — Jesus returns "in the power of the Spirit"
• James 1:2–4 — Growth through testing produces perseverance
• Psalm 77:11–12 — "I will remember the deeds of the Lord…"

❤️ Takeaway Truth:

"Dry seasons don't mean dead seasons.
They're often where God prepares you for the next good thing He's about to do."

📣 Resources & Next Steps:

• 💾 Download the free Five Steps to Navigate a Dry Season in Marriage Worksheet: https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-164-dry-seasons-in-marriage-how-to-navigate-the-wilderness-together
• 🎧 Check us out on YouTube for video episodes on faith-filled marriage growth: https://www.youtube.com/@expeditionmarriage/featured
• 💌 Join our weekly marriage encouragement emails for practical tips and biblical truth at ExpeditionMarriage.org/subscribe

💬 Connect With Us:

Follow along on social media:
Instagram | Facebook | Pinterest → @ExpeditionMarriage
Visit: ExpeditionMarriage.org

When life gets heavy, stress often shows up in our marriages—not just in words, but in subtle cues, tones, and behaviors. In this episode, Chris and Jamie share why becoming a "PhD of your spouse" is one of the most loving and practical things you can do for your marriage.

💡 What You'll Learn in This Episode

• Why stress "tells" matter and how noticing them can prevent unnecessary conflict and deepen empathy (Philippians 2:4).
• Common stress cues to look for—like withdrawal, red face, clenched jaw, irritability, avoidance, hypervigilance, or the "checked-out" mode on the couch.
• How to respond with love instead of defensiveness by pausing, checking in gently, and offering support without assumptions (Hebrews 12:14; Romans 12:18).
• What it means to become a "PhD of your spouse"—studying their patterns, stress responses, and emotional needs so you can build unity instead of division.
• Practical steps to breathe life into your marriage by identifying stress cues, supporting one another, and shifting from "me vs. you" to "we."

✨ Key Quotes from the Episode

• "Marriage thrives when we study one another."
• "Noticing your spouse's stress cues isn't about fixing them—it's about loving them well."

📖 Scriptures to Reflect On

• Philippians 2:4 — "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
• Proverbs 10:19 — "When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent."
• Hebrews 12:14 — "Strive for peace with everyone."
• Romans 12:18 — "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."

🛠️ Free Resource

Download our PhD of Your Spouse Stress Cues Worksheet to help you and your spouse talk through your unique stress patterns and how you can support one another.

👉 https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-163-becoming-a-phd-of-your-spouse-how-to-recognize-stress-cues-and-respond-with-love

🎯 Call to Action

• Leave us a review (like Ilive4him24 did!)—your reviews help more couples find the hope and tools they need.
• Download your free worksheet and start the conversation this week.
• Check out Episode 134 with Dr Christine Baker on Nervous System Regulation in Marriage https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-130-nervous-system-regulation-in-marriage-with-dr-christine-baker/

Letting go isn't easy, especially when it comes to our kids. Whether they're stepping into adulthood, moving far away, or simply living life differently than we expected, this season of release can stir up a mix of emotions: pride, fear, loss, hope, and everything in between.

In this raw and heartfelt conversation, we're joined by our friends Brad and Lisa Valencia from the Unrelenting Pursuit Podcast to talk about what it really looks like to trust God with our children, a seaons they're right in the middle of. Together, we unpack how to surrender anxiety, manage expectations, and move from parenting to praying, finding peace in knowing that God's plans for our kids are even greater than ours.

If you're walking through a season of letting go, this episode will remind you that release isn't the end of your parenting, it's a new beginning for your faith.

🎧 Listen now for encouragement, perspective, and hope.

https://unrelentingpursuit.org

Remember when you were dating—those extra drives across town, late-night phone calls, sweet notes, and the way you rearranged your whole schedule just to be together? Back then, sacrifice felt natural. But somewhere along the way, many couples lose that intentionality.

In this episode, we dive into what it means to rediscover sacrificial love in marriage—not as a duty, but as a reflection of Christ's love. From everyday acts of kindness to laying down pride and preferences, we'll unpack why sacrifice is foundational for intimacy, trust, and unity.

💡 What You'll Learn in This Episode

• Why couples often lose the art of sacrifice after marriage
• How sacrifice builds trust, intimacy, and a "we" mindset instead of "me vs. you"
• Practical, everyday ways to reignite sacrificial love
• The difference between being a doormat and choosing sacrificial love
• How reflecting Christ's love through sacrifice impacts your marriage, your children, and your witness to the world

📖 Scripture References

• John 15:12–13 — "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."
• Ephesians 5:25 — "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
• Romans 5:8 — "But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
• John 13:35 — "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

🛠️ Practical Takeaways

• Put your phone down and give your spouse your full attention
• Do an errand your spouse dislikes
• Give up a preference to honor theirs
• Lay down pride and be the first to apologize
• Pray together even when life is busy

Challenge for the Week:
Choose one intentional act of sacrifice—big or small—for your spouse and see how it impacts your connection.