If you’ve ever rewritten a simple text 3x, “rescued” the dishwasher, or tried to schedule spontaneity… hi, friend. Andrew and Cat unpack why control feels so necessary (spoiler: anxiety + safety), the hidden costs on your body and relationships, and simple ways to loosen your grip without letting life fall apart.

• Control ≠ safety. It’s often an anxious mind trying to predict pain.
• It’s an illusion anyway. Habits create predictability, but outcomes are never guaranteed.
• There’s a relationship cost. Trying to steer other adults (or teens) breeds resentment; “let them” is often the loving move.
• Trade control for structure. Plan your response, not everyone else’s behavior.

1. Awareness > autopilot
2. Notice where you micromanage and name the need under it: “I want to feel safe / prepared / not blindsided.”
3. Micro-win: say it out loud or jot one line in your Notes app.
4. Own what’s yours
5. You don’t control kids, partners, coworkers, traffic, weather, or ride closures. You do control: your breath, tone, posture, words, boundaries, and next action.
6. Replace control with structure
7. Swap rigid scripts for implementation intentions:

• “If the plan changes, I’ll take 4 slow breaths, then choose the most loving next step.”
• “If a child melts down, we pause 10 minutes—shade, water, snack—then reassess.”
• Structure calms you without corralling everyone else.

1. Micro-uncertainty reps (build the tolerance muscle)

• Take a different route home.
• Try a new appetizer while keeping your go-to entrée.
• Sit in a different seat at the table/meeting.
• Leave a 30-minute block unscheduled—and let it stay unscheduled.
• Celebrate the reps, not the results.

1. Regulate before you react
2. Control spikes when your nervous system is hot. Downshift first, then decide. Quick options: box breathing, sensory grounding, a 60-second shake-out, cool water on your face, brief step outside.
3. → Want guided, under-a-minute resets? Try our Quick Calm Method: seven micro-tools we use daily. fiveyearyou.com/calm

• “I’m noticing I want to control this because I care. I’m going to choose calm first.”
• “Here’s the plan, and it’s OK if we pivot.”
• “I can’t choose for you; I can choose how I respond.”

• Fewer replays in your head after plans shift.
• More laughter when things go “off script.”
• Kids/partners volunteer more because they feel less managed.

• Cat: Flying to Canada to see Andrew today—so excited for an in-person hug!
• Andrew: Finished The DOSE Effect by TJ Power—practical ways to retrain brain chemistry and feel better. Loved it.

• Quick Calm Method (video course, < 60 minutes): fiveyearyou.com/calm
• Say hi / coaching inquiries: hello@fiveyearyou.com
• IG & TikTok: @fiveyearyou (five spelled out)

Affiliate note: As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases (Store ID: amp09-20 | Tracking ID: 5yy-20).

“Calm down” never calms anyone down. Andrew and Cat share practical, under-a-minute techniques from their Quick Calm Method—tools you can use at work, in traffic, or mid–dinner chaos to regulate your nervous system fast (without a 60-minute meditation).

• Co-regulation beats commands. “Breathe with me” works; “calm down” doesn’t.
• Not all “wellness” fits all bodies. For ~30% of people, traditional meditation or cold plunges can spike anxiety; choose nervous-system-friendly options that work for you.
• You can flip a day in 60 seconds. Micro-resets interrupt spirals and change the tone for you (and everyone around you).

1. Breath Reset (Box Breathing, etc.)
2. Short, shallow breaths tell your brain there’s danger. Slow, counted exhales flip you back into rest-and-digest. Great solo—or co-regulate by breathing together.
3. Cat used this walking from the car to the apartment—under a minute—to avoid snapping and stay “safe space” for her son.
4. Grounding Reset
5. Get out of your head and into your senses (sight, sound, touch). Anchors you to reality when the mind starts catastrophizing.
6. Body Reset
7. Stress lives in your muscles. Quick, discrete movements (yes, even a tiny office-friendly “shake out”) discharge that pent-up energy so it doesn’t leak out as irritability. Cue the giggles.
8. Mini-Meditation Reset
9. A guided 60–120s visualization to power-wash mental noise. Works for many; if meditation ramps you up, skip it and use breath/grounding instead.
10. Laughter Reset
11. Fake a laugh to spark a real one, recall a reliably funny clip, or replay a personal “can’t-not-laugh” memory. Physiology shifts, chemistry follows.

• Rising irritability / about to walk into a meeting: Breath Reset → Grounding (2–3 min total)
• Anger with lots of body tension: Body Reset, then Breath (2–4 min)
• Spiral/rumination loop: Grounding → Mini-Meditation (2–3 min)
• Household mood reset: Laughter Reset + 30-second family dance (1–2 min)

• “I want to hear you. Can we take 4 slow breaths together first?”
• “I’m doing a quick reset so I can respond, not react.”
• “Let’s turn the day around.” (spin, shake, smile—pattern interrupt!)

• Andrew: Loving the Pulsetto vagus-nerve stim—paired with our resets, I’m noticeably calmer day-to-day.
• Cat: First real fall day in Chicago—cool walks, crunchy leaves, instant nervous-system sigh. 🍂

• Quick Calm Method (video course, < 60 minutes total): fiveyearyou.com/calm
• Email us what worked for you: hello@fiveyearyou.com
• IG & TikTok: @fiveyearyou (five spelled out)

Affiliate note: As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases (Store ID: amp09-20 | Tracking ID: 5yy-20).

Joy isn’t only for big vacations and milestone days. Andrew and Cat share how to spot, savor, and create tiny moments of joy inside regular Tuesdays—using reframes, mini rituals, and presence.

• Reframe “have to” → “get to.” (“I get to make my teenager breakfast.” “I get to have coffee.”)
• Joy is a muscle. Start from where you are and build reps with small, repeatable practices.
• Presence is the new luxury. Attention given to a person or moment = the rarest gift.
• Gratitude by subtraction. Imagine losing a simple ability (driving, using an arm) to feel instant thanks.
• Choose richer dopamine. Swap “cheap hits” (doomscrolling, impulse buys) for slow joys (plants, cooking, conversation).
• Design tiny rituals. Little, reliable delights (the “third cup” flavored coffee, sun crystals, herbs growing) anchor your day.

1. Awareness: Notice you want more joy—great. That’s step one.
2. Rename the moments: Commute → “podcast walk;” dishes → “gratitude reset;” bedtime → “cozy ritual.”
3. One-sense check-in: Pause to smell coffee, feel a soft blanket, or notice morning light.
4. Threshold ritual: Each time you pass a doorway, smile or take one slow breath and whisper “joy.”
5. Daily delight photo: Snap one picture of something that delighted you today.
6. 1–1–1 gratitude: Say aloud one person, one object, and one moment you’re grateful for.
7. Zero-dollar joy hunt: Celebrate what you already own (favorite mug, a comfy couch, that perfect blow dryer).
8. Grow something: Herbs in a counter garden or a hardy plant (self-watering pots help!).
9. Protect presence: Put the phone away with people you love; use social media as a tool, not a reflex.
10. Teach it forward: Model joy-finding for kids (and delay the dopamine machine as long as you can).

• Savor a “special” cup (save a flavored coffee for your last cup).
• Hang sun crystals to splash rainbows across the room.
• Try a micro-reset: inhale + exhale whenever you enter a new room.
• Keep plants you’ll actually keep alive (hello, self-watering pots).
• Practice gratitude by subtraction: what ordinary thing would you miss if it were gone?

• The DOSE Effect — TJ Power (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins and how to get them the healthy way)

• Andrew: “The glimmer is… the glimmers.” Making tiny joys a habit changed how I feel daily.
• Cat: Self-watering planters—travel-friendly and my plants are thriving. 🌿

• Instagram & TikTok: @fiveyearyou (five spelled out)
• Email: hello@fiveyearyou.com
• Site & freebies: fiveyearyou.com

Affiliate note: As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases (Store ID: amp09-20 | Tracking ID: 5yy-20).