If you’ve ever rewritten a simple text 3x, “rescued” the dishwasher, or tried to schedule spontaneity… hi, friend. Andrew and Cat unpack why control feels so necessary (spoiler: anxiety + safety), the hidden costs on your body and relationships, and simple ways to loosen your grip without letting life fall apart.

• Control ≠ safety. It’s often an anxious mind trying to predict pain.
• It’s an illusion anyway. Habits create predictability, but outcomes are never guaranteed.
• There’s a relationship cost. Trying to steer other adults (or teens) breeds resentment; “let them” is often the loving move.
• Trade control for structure. Plan your response, not everyone else’s behavior.

1. Awareness > autopilot
2. Notice where you micromanage and name the need under it: “I want to feel safe / prepared / not blindsided.”
3. Micro-win: say it out loud or jot one line in your Notes app.
4. Own what’s yours
5. You don’t control kids, partners, coworkers, traffic, weather, or ride closures. You do control: your breath, tone, posture, words, boundaries, and next action.
6. Replace control with structure
7. Swap rigid scripts for implementation intentions:

• “If the plan changes, I’ll take 4 slow breaths, then choose the most loving next step.”
• “If a child melts down, we pause 10 minutes—shade, water, snack—then reassess.”
• Structure calms you without corralling everyone else.

1. Micro-uncertainty reps (build the tolerance muscle)

• Take a different route home.
• Try a new appetizer while keeping your go-to entrée.
• Sit in a different seat at the table/meeting.
• Leave a 30-minute block unscheduled—and let it stay unscheduled.
• Celebrate the reps, not the results.

1. Regulate before you react
2. Control spikes when your nervous system is hot. Downshift first, then decide. Quick options: box breathing, sensory grounding, a 60-second shake-out, cool water on your face, brief step outside.
3. → Want guided, under-a-minute resets? Try our Quick Calm Method: seven micro-tools we use daily. fiveyearyou.com/calm

• “I’m noticing I want to control this because I care. I’m going to choose calm first.”
• “Here’s the plan, and it’s OK if we pivot.”
• “I can’t choose for you; I can choose how I respond.”

• Fewer replays in your head after plans shift.
• More laughter when things go “off script.”
• Kids/partners volunteer more because they feel less managed.

• Cat: Flying to Canada to see Andrew today—so excited for an in-person hug!
• Andrew: Finished The DOSE Effect by TJ Power—practical ways to retrain brain chemistry and feel better. Loved it.

• Quick Calm Method (video course, < 60 minutes): fiveyearyou.com/calm
• Say hi / coaching inquiries: hello@fiveyearyou.com
• IG & TikTok: @fiveyearyou (five spelled out)

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“Calm down” never calms anyone down. Andrew and Cat share practical, under-a-minute techniques from their Quick Calm Method—tools you can use at work, in traffic, or mid–dinner chaos to regulate your nervous system fast (without a 60-minute meditation).

• Co-regulation beats commands. “Breathe with me” works; “calm down” doesn’t.
• Not all “wellness” fits all bodies. For ~30% of people, traditional meditation or cold plunges can spike anxiety; choose nervous-system-friendly options that work for you.
• You can flip a day in 60 seconds. Micro-resets interrupt spirals and change the tone for you (and everyone around you).

1. Breath Reset (Box Breathing, etc.)
2. Short, shallow breaths tell your brain there’s danger. Slow, counted exhales flip you back into rest-and-digest. Great solo—or co-regulate by breathing together.
3. Cat used this walking from the car to the apartment—under a minute—to avoid snapping and stay “safe space” for her son.
4. Grounding Reset
5. Get out of your head and into your senses (sight, sound, touch). Anchors you to reality when the mind starts catastrophizing.
6. Body Reset
7. Stress lives in your muscles. Quick, discrete movements (yes, even a tiny office-friendly “shake out”) discharge that pent-up energy so it doesn’t leak out as irritability. Cue the giggles.
8. Mini-Meditation Reset
9. A guided 60–120s visualization to power-wash mental noise. Works for many; if meditation ramps you up, skip it and use breath/grounding instead.
10. Laughter Reset
11. Fake a laugh to spark a real one, recall a reliably funny clip, or replay a personal “can’t-not-laugh” memory. Physiology shifts, chemistry follows.

• Rising irritability / about to walk into a meeting: Breath Reset → Grounding (2–3 min total)
• Anger with lots of body tension: Body Reset, then Breath (2–4 min)
• Spiral/rumination loop: Grounding → Mini-Meditation (2–3 min)
• Household mood reset: Laughter Reset + 30-second family dance (1–2 min)

• “I want to hear you. Can we take 4 slow breaths together first?”
• “I’m doing a quick reset so I can respond, not react.”
• “Let’s turn the day around.” (spin, shake, smile—pattern interrupt!)

• Andrew: Loving the Pulsetto vagus-nerve stim—paired with our resets, I’m noticeably calmer day-to-day.
• Cat: First real fall day in Chicago—cool walks, crunchy leaves, instant nervous-system sigh. 🍂

• Quick Calm Method (video course, < 60 minutes total): fiveyearyou.com/calm
• Email us what worked for you: hello@fiveyearyou.com
• IG & TikTok: @fiveyearyou (five spelled out)

Affiliate note: As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases (Store ID: amp09-20 | Tracking ID: 5yy-20).

Joy isn’t only for big vacations and milestone days. Andrew and Cat share how to spot, savor, and create tiny moments of joy inside regular Tuesdays—using reframes, mini rituals, and presence.

• Reframe “have to” → “get to.” (“I get to make my teenager breakfast.” “I get to have coffee.”)
• Joy is a muscle. Start from where you are and build reps with small, repeatable practices.
• Presence is the new luxury. Attention given to a person or moment = the rarest gift.
• Gratitude by subtraction. Imagine losing a simple ability (driving, using an arm) to feel instant thanks.
• Choose richer dopamine. Swap “cheap hits” (doomscrolling, impulse buys) for slow joys (plants, cooking, conversation).
• Design tiny rituals. Little, reliable delights (the “third cup” flavored coffee, sun crystals, herbs growing) anchor your day.

1. Awareness: Notice you want more joy—great. That’s step one.
2. Rename the moments: Commute → “podcast walk;” dishes → “gratitude reset;” bedtime → “cozy ritual.”
3. One-sense check-in: Pause to smell coffee, feel a soft blanket, or notice morning light.
4. Threshold ritual: Each time you pass a doorway, smile or take one slow breath and whisper “joy.”
5. Daily delight photo: Snap one picture of something that delighted you today.
6. 1–1–1 gratitude: Say aloud one person, one object, and one moment you’re grateful for.
7. Zero-dollar joy hunt: Celebrate what you already own (favorite mug, a comfy couch, that perfect blow dryer).
8. Grow something: Herbs in a counter garden or a hardy plant (self-watering pots help!).
9. Protect presence: Put the phone away with people you love; use social media as a tool, not a reflex.
10. Teach it forward: Model joy-finding for kids (and delay the dopamine machine as long as you can).

• Savor a “special” cup (save a flavored coffee for your last cup).
• Hang sun crystals to splash rainbows across the room.
• Try a micro-reset: inhale + exhale whenever you enter a new room.
• Keep plants you’ll actually keep alive (hello, self-watering pots).
• Practice gratitude by subtraction: what ordinary thing would you miss if it were gone?

• The DOSE Effect — TJ Power (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins and how to get them the healthy way)

• Andrew: “The glimmer is… the glimmers.” Making tiny joys a habit changed how I feel daily.
• Cat: Self-watering planters—travel-friendly and my plants are thriving. 🌿

• Instagram & TikTok: @fiveyearyou (five spelled out)
• Email: hello@fiveyearyou.com
• Site & freebies: fiveyearyou.com

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Overthinking feels productive—but it’s really a mental treadmill. Andrew and Cat share simple, science-backed ways to break rumination loops, calm anxiety, and take clear next steps.

• Overthinking ≠ problem-solving. It’s a certainty-seeking loop fueled by anxiety.
• Awareness is step one. “I’m trying to change what can’t be changed” stops past-focused spirals.
• Name it to tame it. Label the pattern (“I’m catastrophizing” / “Amy* is yapping again”) to reduce its grip.
• *Amy = your “amygdala alarm”—a playful mental cue.
• Interrupt the loop. Pattern-breakers (breath, movement, grounding) shift brain states.
• Get it out of your head. Journal, voice-notes, therapist, trusted friend—externalize the swirl.
• You already know more than you think. Get still; your body’s “yes/no” shows up fast.
• Action ends rumination. Any small next step beats spinning in maybe-land.

1. Spot it: “I’m looping.” (Awareness)
2. Label it: “This is catastrophizing / future-tripping / should-storming.” (Name to tame)
3. Pattern break (pick one):

• Box breathing 4–4–4–4 (1–2 min)
• 5–4–3–2–1 grounding (see/hear/feel)
• 10–15 minute walk (movement beats rumination)
• Hand on heart, slow breaths (drop from head → body)

1. Externalize: 60-second brain dump (paper or voice note). If it’s still noisy, share with a therapist or trusted person.
2. Choose one: Flip a coin or ask: “What would Future Me thank me for?” Notice your gut reaction → decide.
3. Micro-action: One concrete step within 5–10 minutes (email, calendar block, checklist start).
4. If it returns: Repeat. You’re building a new habit, not chasing perfection.

• Sleep cue: Silently repeat, “I’m not thinking” for ~60–90 seconds; return to breath when you drift.
• Yappy-dog reframe: “Thanks, Amy. Into the crate you go—I’ll revisit this at 4pm.” (Schedule the worry window.)
• Self-compassion: “I’m worrying because I care. I can choose peace by taking one small action.”

• “Worry window” (10–15 min/day) to contain rumination
• Movement first: short walk, light chores, or stretching whenever loops start
• Coin-toss clarity to surface true preference
• Heart-breath check-in before decisions

• No wrong choices. Every decision is a result or a lesson. Both move you forward.
• Indecision is a decision. You’re choosing anxiety over momentum—pick a tiny step instead.

• Cat: A three-day weekend to reset and prep for Andrew’s visit.
• Andrew: Packing to fly out—looking forward to time together.

• Nonviolent Communication — Marshall B. Rosenberg (for clear needs/requests)
• Grounding & breath practices (box breathing, 5-4-3-2-1)

Questions, coaching, or topic requests: hello@fiveyearyou.com

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Arguments don’t need winners; they need resolution. Andrew and Cat share calm, practical ways to defuse conflict at home, with friends, and at work—so everyone feels seen, heard, and respected.

• Stay calm first. Regulated nervous systems make regulated conversations.
• Listen to understand, not to win. Most “arguments” are unmet needs in disguise.
• Name the real issue. Clarify what the conflict is actually about before debating solutions.
• Feelings + needs > accusations. Use “When you ___, I feel ___; I need ___; could you ___?”
• Define the desired outcome. Agree on “what good looks like” before you continue.
• Two truths can coexist. Your perspectives can both be valid.
• Take breaks at impasses. Timeouts prevent escalation; return when cooler.
• Bring a neutral third party when needed. Therapist, mediator, or trusted friend.

1. Pause & breathe. Lower the temperature (box breathing: 4–4–4–4).
2. State intent: “My goal is for us to understand each other and find a solution we both can live with.”
3. Clarify the issue: “What do you think this is really about?”
4. Reflective listening: “What I’m hearing is… Did I get that right?”
5. Share with NVC: “When X happened, I felt Y. What I need is Z. Would you be willing to ___?”
6. Outcome check: “By the end of this, I’d love for us to ___.”
7. Perspective-swap: Briefly argue the other person’s side to show you get it.
8. Agree on next step: One concrete action each.
9. If stuck: “Let’s pause for 20–60 minutes and revisit at ___. We’re on the same team.”

• Red-flag day: “Quick heads-up: I’m low-sleep/overloaded today. If I seem short, it’s not about you.”
• Boundary without blame: “I want to keep talking, and I need a 15-minute reset to stay respectful.”
• Repair after rupture: “I’m sorry for my tone earlier. Your point matters; can we try again?”

• Ask kids/teammates to share how they’re feeling + what they need (not who’s “right”).
• Normalize check-ins: “What outcome are you hoping for?”
• Celebrate process wins (no interrupting, calm tone, staying on topic), not just “winning.”

• Repeating stalemates on big life choices (money, parenting, moving, family size).
• Patterns of contempt, stonewalling, or scorekeeping.
• Bring in a counselor/mediator to create safety and structure.

• Nonviolent Communication — Marshall B. Rosenberg (feelings/needs framework)

• Andrew: Watching his son thrive at a first MMA practice—and the respectful community vibe.
• Cat: A surprise flower delivery (courtesy of Andrew and his mom) brightened a tough week.

Questions, coaching, or topic requests: hello@fiveyearyou.com

More episodes & freebies: fiveyearyou.com

IG: @fiveyearyou

Affiliate note: As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases (Store ID: amp09-20 | Tracking...

Decision dread, analysis paralysis, and the fear of “messing it up” can keep you stuck on the couch while life moves on. In this episode, Andrew and Cat break down how to make choices with more ease, treat “wrong” choices as data, and shift from scarcity (“there’s only one right path”) to abundance (“there’s another bus coming”). Expect gentle reframes, fast decision tools, and permission to experiment.

• There are almost no “wrong” choices—only feedback. A result you don’t like is information for your next step.
• Indecision is a decision. Choosing not to choose keeps you in anxiety; pick a direction and learn.
• What’s meant for you won’t pass you by. Missed chances circle back in new ways; rejection can be protection.
• Widen the timeline. Over five years, most choices matter far less than they feel in the moment.
• Abundance > scarcity. Assume more options, more chances, and more support are on their way.

• 30-Second “gut check”

1. Take 3 slow breaths.
2. Say Choice A out loud; notice your body’s micro-response (expand or shrink?).
3. Repeat for Choice B. Choose the one that feels more expansive—not necessarily easier.

• Two-way vs. one-way doors
• Most decisions are reversible (two-way). Act fast on those. Save careful deliberation for the few irreversible (one-way) choices.
• Set a decision deadline
• Define, “I’ll decide by Friday at 4pm.” Gather enough info, then commit.
• Regret test
• Ask: “Which option will I regret not trying?” Pick that.
• Premortem & 1st domino
• Imagine it went badly; list why; add safeguards. Then do the smallest first action (email, application, 10-min draft).
• Decision journal (one line!)
• “Today I chose X because Y; expected outcome Z.” Review monthly to learn your patterns.
• Micro-menu rule
• Overwhelmed by options? Narrow to two, choose, move. Practice on low-stakes stuff (meals, routes, outfits) to build the muscle.

Write:

Read it back and do that smallest step.

• “Rivers don’t run straight.” Meanders are how you move forward.
• “Opportunities are like buses; there’s another one coming.” Missing one doesn’t end the route.
• “Life is a big platter of delights.” Pick something; you can try the next dish later.
• “Rejection is protection.” Closed doors redirect you to your door.

• “There’s only one right choice.” → Abundance flip: “There are many good-enough choices.”
• “If I miss this, it’s over.” → Flip: “If it’s for me, it returns.”
• “I need 100% certainty.” → Flip: “80% clarity + action beats 100% later.”

• Feeling Like I’m Failing (pairs well with today’s topic)
• Contrast & Gratitude (how hard seasons clarify values)
• Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff) – practical exercises for kinder self-talk

📧 Coaching or...

In this heart–forward episode, Andrew shares the shoulder injury that forced him to stop, sit still, and confront a lifelong belief that his worth equals his usefulness. Cat opens up about what it’s like to love a helper who suddenly needs help—and how “failing” often just means you’re in a season of healing, not a verdict on who you are.

Expect reframes, gentle tactics for the “I’m behind” spiral, and a reminder that asking for help is a gift you give other people, too.

• Worth ≠ productivity. North American culture often ties identity to output; this season invites you to uncouple the two.
• Asking for help is pro-connection, not weak. You let loved ones feel useful and deepen bonds when you receive.
• Reframe “failure” as a phase. Rest, rehab, and regrouping are progress—just a different speed.
• Contrast creates clarity. Hard seasons sharpen gratitude and reveal what really matters.
• Interrupt the spiral. When “I’m failing” hits, use a simple, external plan to change state (temperature, movement, environment).

• The 3-step spiral interrupter

1. Tend the body: pain meds/tea/ice or heat, shower, fresh air.
2. Change state: 30-minute recharge alone, short comedy clip, music, or a brisk walk.
3. Micro-plan: one tiny win (email, stretch, refill water), then reassess.

• Ask like a giver: “Could you help me with X?” → remember you’re offering someone the gift of helping.
• Reverse-compare: stop looking only ahead; look back at how far you’ve come.
• Temperature hack: cold pack to neck/face or warm shower to reset your nervous system.
• 10–10 List: write 10 things you did do today + 10 things you’re grateful for (including your body doing basics).
• Best-friend filter: Would you say that harsh thought to your favorite person? If not, rephrase it with kindness.

Write a note to yourself that starts:

• Feelings Wheel – pinpoint what you’re actually feeling to respond better.
• Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff) – simple practices to treat yourself like a friend.
• Open Path Collective – affordable therapy options.
• The Wealthy Barber – a gentle, story-driven intro to money basics (ties into our recent money series).

📧 Questions or need a nudge? hello@fiveyearyou.com

🌐 More episodes & freebies: fiveyearyou.com

📸 Hang with us on IG: @fiveyearyou

• “Slowing down doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re healing what needs care.”
• “Asking for help is a gift. You’re letting someone you love feel useful.”
• “You’re not behind; you’re in a different chapter.”
• “Look back for proof, not just forward for gaps.”

• Andrew: The unexpected closeness with his dad & being cared for by his people.
• Cat: A full, memorable summer with the kids—and the flexibility to be there for family (and for Andrew).

Ever feel like you're following a script you didn’t write? In this episode, Andrew and Catherine crack open the idea that many of the “rules” we live by—college, career, homeownership, timelines for success—are completely made up. Some rules serve a purpose (looking at you, traffic lights), but others just keep us stuck, stressed, or chasing lives that don’t fit who we are.

They talk candidly about the internal rules we adopt as children, the external expectations of adulthood, and how to start rewriting your story based on what you want—not what you were told you should want.

What You’ll Learn:

• What “The Rules Are Fake” really means
• Why the traditional path of school → job → house → retire may not be for everyone
• How to question whether a rule is helping you or holding you back
• Why homeownership and college aren't the only paths to stability or success
• How internal rules (like "I should have it all figured out by 40") create anxiety
• The power of rewriting your personal playbook and defining success on your own terms

Key Takeaways:

• Some rules are helpful; others are just habits. Pause and ask: Is this true for me?
• College and buying a house can be amazing—but they’re not mandatory.
• “Should” is often a red flag. If you hear yourself say “I should…”, dig deeper.
• Happiness doesn’t come after you follow the rules—it comes when you live from the inside out.
• It’s okay to walk a different path. In fact, it might be the best decision you ever make.

Your Glimmers of the Week:

Catherine finds joy in morning rainbows from crystal sun-catchers, and Andrew reflects on a meaningful trip to see Ben Platt live—with a reminder that you deserve beautiful experiences too.

🧭 Want to start living life by your own rules?

Visit FiveYearYou.com to book a mentoring call and begin your path to intentional living.