In this episode, we're joined by one of our absolute favorite authors and experts, Dr. Meg Jay, PhD. She's a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of The Defining Decade and The 20-Something Treatment, and she dives deep with us into why our 20s are such a defining time—and how many of the same principles can also empower us in midlife.

We explore identity capital, weak ties, economic uncertainty, and how to better support our 20-something children as they navigate early adulthood. If you're in your 40s or 50s and parenting adult children, or just looking to reimagine your own next chapter, this conversation is packed with validation, insight, and incredibly practical advice. You do not want to miss this one!

Episode Highlights:

[0:40] - Welcoming Dr. Meg Jay and fangirling over The Defining Decade

[3:36] - Why your 20s are the most uncertain and anxiety-filled decade

[5:53] - The myth of the carefree 20s and how financial constraints factor in

[8:17] - The stress of unstructured life after college and the reality of job-hopping

[10:12] - Identity capital: what it is and why it matters

[14:57] - Learning from jobs you don't love (hello, Rolling Stone fashion closet!)

[16:20] - How perfectionism and enabling parenting can keep 20-somethings stuck

[20:05] - The "redefining decade": applying these principles to midlife

[21:22] - The power of weak ties and how to actually use them

[24:25] - Gen Z vs Gen X: similarities, differences, and the impact of social media

[26:21] - Economic challenges and the nuance of living with your parents

[30:06] - Launching vs enabling: helping adult children become independent

[33:20] - Teaching resilience: tolerating uncertainty without pathologizing it

[34:08] - From cooking to job skills: the basics that build real confidence

[36:18] - Helping young adults recognize and activate their own agency

[38:50] - Dating intentionally: choosing your partner is choosing your family

[42:09] - Avoiding emotional entanglement before compatibility is clear

[44:57] - Trial, error, and the wisdom of approaching dating like job searching

Links & Resources:

• Dr. Meg Jay’s Website: https://megjay.com/
• Dr. Meg Jay’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmegjay

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!

Pre-order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launches February 3rd. Secure your copy today and get VIP bonuses available only before launch day. https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]

In this episode of Insights From the Couch, we’re diving deep into what Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) really is—and what it’s not. Forget the casual "I'm so OCD" comment—this conversation is all about the real, often misunderstood experiences of those living with this challenging and complex disorder. We're joined by two of our favorite experts: Dr. Brady Bradshaw, a child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist, and Dr. Robyn Cohen, a developmental neuropsychologist. Together, we explore the many faces of OCD, from harm OCD to contamination fears, and mental compulsions that happen entirely inside someone’s mind.

We’re also pulling back the curtain on the often-overlooked aspects of OCD like the shame, stigma, and difficulty getting an accurate diagnosis. Whether you’re someone navigating OCD, a therapist wanting to learn more, or a loved one trying to understand what’s going on—this episode offers education, empathy, and evidence-based strategies for healing. Plus, we talk treatment, including exposure and response prevention (ERP), medication, and what real recovery can look like.

Episode Highlights:

[0:26] - Welcome and overview of today’s topic: the real story behind OCD
[1:31] - Meet Dr. Bradshaw and Dr. Cohen: their roles and experiences with OCD
[3:02] - What OCD actually is vs. common misconceptions
[6:10] - Breaking down the subtypes: harm, contamination, symmetry, hoarding, and more
[8:10] - Mental compulsions explained with powerful real-life examples
[11:01] - Is OCD just intense anxiety? Exploring how it's neurologically distinct
[13:20] - The overlap of OCD with ADHD, autism, trichotillomania, and body-focused repetitive behaviors
[17:42] - The diagnostic challenge: why OCD is often missed or misdiagnosed
[21:43] - What’s going on in the brain during OCD—and how treatment changes the brain
[23:44] - Living with OCD: analogies, partner dynamics, and the emotional toll
[25:27] - The gold standard: treatment options like ERP and when meds are needed
[28:19] - The importance of working with experienced ERP-trained therapists
[32:53] - Pushing the limits with exposure—and why it works
[37:50] - Naming the OCD: why it helps and how it shifts control
[39:13] - The importance of trust and creativity in therapeutic interventions
[40:07] - Relationship OCD and health anxiety—subtypes or something else?
[43:03] - How to support a loved one with OCD (without enabling compulsions)
[46:35] - Final takeaways: treatment works, and there’s real freedom on the other side
[47:36] - Where to find Dr. Bradshaw and Dr. Cohen

Links and Resources:

· Dr. Brady Bradshaw: https://www.bradybradshawmd.com/

· Dr. Robyn Cohen: https://theneurocode.com/

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]

We are beyond excited to welcome the brilliant Tonya Lester to the couch this week! As a psychotherapist, writer, and author of the new book Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself, Tonya joins us for a raw and resonant conversation about how women lose their voices in relationships, how to reclaim them, and why it’s never too late to start showing up fully for yourself.

We dig into some of the most pressing issues we see with women in midlife—emotional labor, resentment, perfectionism, and the dreaded “burned out pursuer” dynamic. Tonya shares powerful truths about why many marriages break down long before anyone leaves, what holds women back from setting boundaries, and how we can all take emotional risks to wake up to the lives we want. This is an honest, compassionate, and deeply validating episode that will leave you feeling seen, fired up, and ready to push back in all the right ways.

Episode Highlights:

[0:26] – Welcoming Tonya Lester and her powerful new book
[2:04] – From acting to therapy: Tonya’s journey into couples work
[4:28] – The repeated story of women hitting their breaking point
[7:47] – What pushback really looks like in relationships
[10:04] – Burned out pursuers: when women have nothing left to give
[13:50] – Why powerful women lose their voice in marriage
[15:34] – The “bad deal” many women are stuck in
[16:03] – Are women outgrowing men?
[17:24] – The invisible labor of “man keeping”
[18:49] – How women are penalized for assertiveness at work
[22:55] – Perfectionism: it’s not about excellence, it’s about anxiety
[27:29] – Visibility, risk-taking, and the fear of not being good enough
[30:23] – Reclaiming your life force after years of disconnection
[31:58] – Weather vane emotions: resentment, jealousy, anger
[35:52] – The long, slow process of waking up to your needs
[38:36] – What if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for?
[40:58] – Modeling empowered living for the next generation
[42:05] – Tonya’s biggest hope for readers of Push Back

Links and Resources:

• Tonya Lester’s website: https://www.tonyalester.com/
• Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself — Available on Amazon, Bookshop, and Barnes & Noble
• Psychology Today Blog: Staying Sane Inside Insanity
• Follow Tonya on Instagram: @tonyalesterpsychotherapy

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life ful

Pre-order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launches February 3rd. Secure your copy today and get VIP bonuses available only before launch day. https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]

In this deeply moving episode, we sit down with the brilliant author and military spouse-turned-memoirist, Heather Sweeney. Her new book Camouflage: How I Emerged from the Shadows of a Military Marriage takes us inside the complex emotional terrain of identity loss, divorce, resilience, and ultimately, self-discovery. Heather's story is not just one of heartbreak, but of reclaiming voice, power, and purpose—especially for women navigating life after a long-term partnership.

We talk about everything from the layered reality of military marriage to the quiet courage it takes to start over. Heather shares what it's like to lose yourself inside someone else’s story—and how she found her way back. If you’re feeling stuck, alone, or like your identity has been swallowed by your roles, this episode is your permission slip to rediscover who you are.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] – Introducing Heather Sweeney: Writer, military spouse, and memoirist
[1:35] – From blogging to bylines: Heather’s journey to becoming a published author
[3:42] – Riding the roller coaster of military life and finding connection online
[5:38] – Heather’s national writing credits and how she landed in The New York Times
[8:38] – The invisible load of military marriage and emotional isolation
[10:41] – Losing identity in someone else’s career—and the silent toll it takes
[15:00] – Why divorce was always “in the air” and how it evolved over years
[19:43] – The emotional aftermath of a partner’s divorce request
[23:25] – Financial freedom as the catalyst for leaving
[26:03] – Navigating in-house separation and the complicated new normal
[28:20] – Military custody realities: long-distance parenting and letting go
[31:31] – The bridge from loss to liberation: reclaiming your voice
[33:56] – Building a new relationship from a place of strength and clarity
[36:52] – Advice for women at the edge of leaving: where to begin
[39:34] – Heather’s reflections on rediscovering herself through writing and therapy
[40:13] – Where to find Heather’s book and follow her journey

Links and Resources:

· Order Camouflage: http://posthill.to/B0F316HJTD

· Website: https://www.heatherlsweeney.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writersweeney

· Substack: https://heathersweeney.substack.com/

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]

Ever feel like your toddler is trying to break you? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re joined by the incredible Devon Kuntzman—toddler parenting expert and author of the brand new book Transforming Toddlerhood: How to Handle Tantrums and Power Struggles and Raise Resilient Kids Without Losing Your Mind. We dive into the real talk about toddler behavior, emotional regulation, and how we as parents can stay sane and connected in the chaos.

Whether you’re in the thick of toddlerhood yourself, preparing for grandparenting, or just love understanding the "why" behind those tiny tornadoes, this conversation is packed with empathy, science-backed strategies, and hope. Devon gives us a totally refreshing reframe on discipline, tantrums, and screen time—and we also explore how much has changed (and how much hasn’t) in parenting over the decades.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] Meet Devon and her just-launched book on toddlerhood
[3:06] Redefining what “toddler” really means
[4:33] What’s changed in the way we understand toddler behavior
[7:48] Why toddler meltdowns aren’t bad behavior—they’re communication
[9:47] Parenting styles: from controlling commander to confident guide
[12:49] Real-world scenario: what to do when your toddler hits you
[15:24] Teaching kids to cope with emotions instead of just punishing behavior
[17:19] The importance of reparenting yourself while raising your child
[18:24] How to avoid permissiveness while still setting healthy limits
[21:08] It’s okay to be overwhelmed—and why repair is more powerful than perfection
[25:00] Devon’s 4-step process for repairing relationships after a parenting slip
[27:27] Generational gaps: parenting now vs. then
[29:53] Navigating boundaries with your child and your parents
[32:04] Real talk: toddlers and restaurants are not always a match
[33:53] What’s the deal with screens? Devon breaks down screen time and brain health
[35:32] Parenting isn’t passive—it’s the hardest job you’ll ever love
[37:56] Self-compassion, strong-willed toddlers, and hilarious parenting fails
[39:44] Final takeaways: discipline that connects, teaches, and sets limits

Links and Resources:

🍼 Transforming Toddlerhood by Devon Kuntzman: https://www.transformingtoddlerhood.com/book/

📲 Follow Devon on Instagram: @transformingtoddlerhood

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!

Pre-order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launches February 3rd. Secure your copy today and get VIP bonuses available only before launch day. https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]

In this intense and emotionally charged episode, we dive deep into some of the most chilling and perplexing true crime cases involving mothers who committed unimaginable acts against their own children. From psychological abuse to cold-blooded murder, we’re peeling back the layers on what happens when motherhood takes a dark, dangerous turn.

We explore the twisted motivations and complex psychopathology behind cases like Unknown Number, Casey Anthony, Lindsay Clancy, Ruby Franke, and her notorious partner Jodi Hildebrandt. We’re not just recapping the crimes—you’ll hear our raw reactions as therapists and mothers, and we’ll take you into the murky territory of trauma, sociopathy, narcissism, and the haunting dynamics of parent-child bonds gone horribly wrong.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] - Kicking off with our Midlife Masterclass and a true crime deep dive
[1:24] - “Mothers Gone Wrong” intro and a therapist’s disbelief at these cases
[3:00] - Breaking down the “Unknown Number” Netflix documentary
[5:54] - The big reveal: a mother as the digital abuser of her own daughter
[10:22] - Exploring Munchausen by proxy, sociopathy, and attention-seeking behavior
[13:32] - Control, puppet-mastery, and compulsive lying
[19:31] - Is pathological lying an addiction?
[22:41] - Shifting to Ruby Franke and the cult-like influence of Jodi Hildebrandt
[26:14] - Exploitation, rigidity, and mental manipulation in parenting
[30:16] - The horrifying rescue of Ruby Franke’s emaciated son
[32:47] - Discussing Lindsay Clancy and the reality of postpartum psychosis
[36:52] - The tragic consequences of untreated mental health struggles
[38:45] - Revisiting Casey Anthony from a therapist’s lens
[42:12] - Sociopathy hiding behind maternal faces
[45:01] - Wrapping up with empathy for victims and a plea for prevention
[46:50] - Community callout and how to stay connected

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]

We’re thrilled to bring you this heartfelt and hilarious conversation with Dave Tarnowski—author, creative force behind the Instagram phenomenon Disappointing Affirmations, and the man redefining self-help with a dose of sharp wit and raw honesty. With over 2.5 million followers, Dave’s take on mental health, neurodivergence, grief, and healing resonates deeply—and this episode is no exception.

Together, we explore Dave’s late-in-life diagnoses of bipolar disorder and ADHD, his journey through therapy, sobriety, and grief, and how humor became his lifeline. We dive into the making of his newest book, Sorry in Advance for Making Things Weird, and talk about what it means to “do the work”—even when it sucks. If you’ve ever felt like you’re falling apart while still managing to laugh, this episode will make you feel seen, heard, and a little more okay with not being okay.

Episode Highlights:

[1:19] – Dave shares the origin story of Disappointing Affirmations and how his mental health journey shaped his work.
[3:04] – Getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD later in life.
[5:03] – The neurodivergent mind: creativity, sensitivity, and deep knowing.
[7:43] – Using humor to bring healing to heavy emotions.
[9:52] – Why negative thoughts deserve affirmation too.
[13:04] – Medication trials, missteps, and finally finding a fit.
[15:31] – From unfinished novels to viral memes: how the Instagram page was born.
[21:26] – The power of dark humor, cynicism, and embracing absurdity.
[23:00] – Creating a safe space for all—why Dave stays out of divisive commentary.
[26:17] – Generational therapy gaps and shifting the mental health narrative.
[29:19] – What it means to actually do the work in therapy.
[33:38] – Sibling trauma, family hierarchy, and navigating long-standing dynamics.
[38:35] – Grief, loss, and finally facing what we try to avoid.
[42:22] – What's inside the new book—and why it goes deeper than the first.
[46:13] – Where to find Dave’s books, cards, and more.
[48:13] – The importance of men accessing therapy and emotional healing.

Links and Resources:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/disappointingaffirmations

Dave Tarnowski’s book Disappointing Affirmations

Dave Tarnowski’s book Sorry in advance for making things weird

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]

In this deeply moving and eye-opening episode, we sit down with Dr. Nadine Macaluso—therapist, author, and trauma bond expert—to explore the insidious dynamics of trauma bonded relationships. Nadine bravely shares her own experience as the ex-wife of “The Wolf of Wall Street,” shedding light on the coercion, manipulation, and psychological warfare that define these toxic partnerships. But more than just surviving, Nadine walks us through what it truly takes to heal, reclaim your identity, and find peace on the other side. We unpack what trauma bonding really means (and what it doesn’t), the behavioral patterns that make these relationships so hard to leave, and why traditional labels like “codependency” often miss the mark.

Episode Highlights:

[0:26] - Welcoming Dr. Nadine Macaluso and the powerful topic of trauma bonding
[2:46] - Defining trauma bonds: the toxic dance of power imbalance and intermittent reinforcement
[4:32] - The difference between conflict in healthy relationships and trauma bonds
[6:18] - Why “narcissistic abuse” doesn’t cover the full picture
[8:48] - How trauma bonds begin with charm, love bombing, and hidden pathology
[9:37] - The damaging effects of victim-blaming language in therapy and society
[11:54] - Living with public exposure and reclaiming her story after The Wolf of Wall Street
[14:08] - The viral TikTok that launched Nadine’s healing advocacy online
[17:32] - Coercion disguised as love: fast-tracked marriage, children, and control
[18:37] - Why trauma bonds are so hard to break: fear, shame, confusion, and dependency
[21:33] - Nadine’s healing roadmap: education, stabilization, and rediscovery of self
[27:36] - What life feels like after leaving a trauma bond: freedom, peace, and autonomy
[29:42] - Learning to trust your intuition again and spotting red flags early
[30:24] - Can women be the pathological partner? The gendered nature of coercive control
[32:50] - Process addictions and their devastating impact on self-worth
[33:09] - Cognitive dissonance: the mental glue of trauma bonded relationships
[34:45] - Realizing there was only ever one person in the relationship—the manipulator
[36:24] - How to access Nadine’s book, community, and incredible healing resources

Links & Resources

Download the First Chapter of Dr. Nadine Macalso’s book Run Like Hell for Free: https://heal.drnae.com/podcast-book-giveaway

Join Dr. Nadine Macaluso’s trauma bond recovery course: https://course.drnae.com/trauma-bond-recovery-course-c

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 [Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/?rdid=QDc8ryzocgFpBrbm#]