When you meet someone difficult or moany at Christmas — like Uncle Colm from Derry Girls type — 45-minute monologue of misery…

Which one are you?

A) Do you smile politely and slowly lose the will to live? B) Do you try to fix their problem just to get out alive? C) Or do you suddenly remember you “need to check the oven”… even though you don’t have one?

Christmas is emotional, noisy, nostalgic… and full of people and personalities we don’t always choose.

But here’s the truth:

We can’t change difficult people. We can change how we meet them — internally. And that’s where the peace begins.

Most of us jump into their drama, take on their emotions, and end up irritated or drained.

Empathy is different. Empathy is steady. Empathy says: “I see you — but I’m not losing myself in your story.”

And the good news is you only need two steps to do this at Christmas.

THE TWO-STEP CHRISTMAS PEACE SOLUTION

STEP 1: Say something that starts with “I hear you…”

This helps the other person feel seen — without you taking on their feelings.

Use whichever feels most natural:

· “I hear you — that sounds tough.”

· “I hear you — I get why you’d feel that way.”

· “I hear you — and I hope things get easier for you.”

Short. Kind. Boundaried.Job done.

STEP 2: Say something silently in your own mind:

“Just like me…” This is the internal shift —the part they never hearbut you always feel.

Examples:

· “ just like me. They’re doing their best…”

· “ just like me.” They want to feel loved and safe…

· “ just like me.” They get overwhelmed sometimes…

This softens how you see them. It keeps you calm, grounded, and in control of your own state.

Together, these two steps mean you can be kind without being consumed.

If you want more peace and less emotional turbulence…

Don’t try to fix people. Don’t join their drama.

Just: Step 1: “I hear you…” Step 2: “Just like me…”

Two steps. Big difference.

That’s how you stay centred, compassionate, and still enjoy your Christmas dinner.

Peace isn’t a mood.

Peace is a decision.

It’s why it’s called the present — because peace only exists in this moment.

Three Key Teaching Points

1. Recreate the Feeling

Your happiest memories aren’t in the past — they’re in your nervous system. You can activate joy, gratitude, and calm any time.

2. Happiness Without Agenda

You can feel good without waiting for circumstances to be perfect. Choose peace now, before anything improves.

3. Choose Peace Over Pressure

This season, decide to respond from calm instead of chaos.

Faith over fear.

Love over control.

Presence over pressure.

Three Practical Steps for Listeners

Step 1 – Pause for ten seconds before reacting.

Peace lives in that gap.

Step 2 – Ask: “What would the peaceful version of me do right now?”

Instant clarity.

Step 3 – Be the reason someone believes the world is still good.

A small kindness changes everything.

The Reframe

When you choose peace again and again, happiness becomes your default state. Not because everything went right — but because you did. You showed up for yourself. You mastered your mind.

Christmas doesn’t create stress — our thoughts about Christmas create stress.
The busier life gets, the louder the inner chatter becomes.

At Christmas, people say things to themselves like:

• “I should be happier.”
• “I’m not doing enough.”
• “Everyone else has it sorted except me.”
• “This has to be perfect.”

This inner Grinch steals the joy of the season.
But we can flip it — quickly and powerfull!

The Christmas Mindset Shift

Tool 1: Become Your Own Christmas Coach

Instead of:

“I can’t cope — everything’s going wrong.”

Say:

“Deirdre, you’re doing your best. Christmas is about connection, not perfection.”

Example:
You burn the roasties?
stick on your favourite Christmas song, start again

Tool 2: The January Test

When you start spiralling, ask yourself:
“Will this matter in mid-January?”
99% of the time — no.

Example:
A relative makes a half-snide comment?
In January, you won’t even remember it.
Instant relief.

Tool 3: Shift Your State

Your environment affects your thoughts.
A quick physical or sensory shift snaps you out of overthinking.

Try:

• Step outside into the cold for 2 minutes
• Put on a song that changes your emotional temperature
• Light a candle

Example:
Kids shouting, dinner burning, phone buzzing — step outside, breathe, re-enter with new energy.

Tool 4: The Christmas Permission Slip

Give yourself permission to:

• Not be perfect
• Say no
• Simplify gifts
• Attend fewer events
• Protect your peace
• Do Christmas in your own way

Example:
“This year I’m choosing presence over pressure.”

Your 3-Step Christmas Solution

1. Catch the Inner Grinch
Notice when your thinking goes negative.

2. Coach Yourself Kindly
Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to someone you adore.

3. Choose People Over Perfection
Ask: “What actually matters today?”
The answer is usually: the moment, the connection, the feeling — not the job list.