We're talking all about intellectual intimacy—what I like to call “brain bonding" in this episode. We spend so much time talking about emotional connection and physical intimacy in marriage, but let me tell you a secret: connecting through ideas, learning, curiosity, and thought-provoking conversations can completely change the game in your relationship.

I open up about a time I was really vulnerable in my own marriage and how an intellectual connection outside of my relationship showed me just how powerful “brain bonding” can be—both for good and for potential danger if it isn’t happening at home. I want to help you experience this kind of closeness with your spouse and see them in a whole new light.

In This Episode

• What Is Intellectual Intimacy?
  I explain how intellectual intimacy is about the closeness that comes from sharing thoughts, dreams, and conversations.
• Brain Bonding Quiz (Interactive Exercise):
  I walk you through a quiz to help you and your spouse see where you stand in this area right now. It’s a simple scoring system that gives you a snapshot of your current “brain bond.”
• Why Intellectual Intimacy Matters:
  If you’ve ever felt bored or stuck in your marriage, you’re not alone! I share why keeping curiosity and deep conversations alive is crucial for staying connected and avoiding dangerous disconnects.
• Barriers to Intellectual Intimacy:
  We talk about the common things that get in the way—like not even knowing this kind of connection mattered, feeling intimidated, etc.
• How to Build Intellectual Intimacy:
• • Ask better questions. Move past “how was your day?” and get curious about your spouse’s thoughts and experiences.
  • Learn something together. Whether it’s reading, listening to a podcast, or learning about a new topic, do it as a team.
  • Debate respectfully. It’s okay to see things differently—what matters is how you talk about it.
  • And more
• Your Homework:
  At the end of the episode, I challenge you to:
• • Pick a Rebuilding Us podcast episode (or a YouTube video I’ve done!) and listen separately, then come together and talk about it.
  • Ask your spouse one thoughtful, below-the-surface question this week.

Resources & Links

• Join My Group Coaching Community: danache.com/covenantconnections
• Podcast Show Notes and More: danashay.com/podcast
• Also listen to Ep. 364 - Chemistry or Intimacy?
• Get your FREE Intimacy Guide: for interactive tools to assess your intimacy

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Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo of One Extraordinary Marriage are here to help us improve our sexual intimacy! If you're ready to transform your marriage and reignite the passion, join me and this legendary duo for a candid and hope-filled conversation on sexual intimacy, healing, and how a chance "sex challenge" changed everything in their marriage.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• What REALLY builds intimacy in the bedroom (it’s not just about sex!)
• The difference between physical and sexual intimacy
• How Tony & Alisa’s famous 60-Day Sex Challenge changed their marriage—and led to a worldwide movement
• How to talk honestly about your bedroom struggles and why authenticity is the secret sauce
• Tips for being present, not perfect, in your sex life
• What to do if your marriage is going through a “sexless” phase
  …and so much more!

Plus, don’t miss my real-life advice for working through resentment, getting intentional about connection, and building a marriage legacy that lasts for generations. This episode will bless couples at every stage, from newlyweds to marriage vets!

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Find out your strongest intimacy pillar at onextraordinarymarriage.com/quiz.

Purchase the 6 Pillars of Intimacy book

Download my FREE Intimacy Series guide here.

Learn more about my marriage group "Covenant Connections" here.

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Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Emotional intimacy is a cornerstone you can’t ignore if you’re on a journey to deeper, more authentic relationships—whether in your marriage, friendships, or even workplace. We're joined in this episode by psychotherapist and author Jessica Baum to discuss attachment styles. This is a goldmine for anyone who craves real connection or wonders why emotional closeness sometimes feels out of reach.

Let’s dig into the episode’s biggest insights, actionable takeaways, and why understanding your attachment style might be the key to transforming your relationships for good.

Key Takeaways:

• What is Emotional Intimacy?

• Intro to Attachment Theory

• Can You Change Your Attachment Style

• Intensity vs. Intimacy

• The Importance of Emotional Presence

Resources Mentioned:

Jessica's Free "Attachment Blueprint" and link to her new book: SAFE.

Dana Che's Free Intimacy Series Guide to create more intimacy in your relationships.

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Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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Former NLF player turned church pastor, Derwin Gray, and his beautiful wife, Vicki, share wisdom drawn from over 33 years of marriage, their journey from a lopsided spiritual partnership to unified faith, and practical ways couples can cultivate deep spiritual intimacy—no matter their starting point.

Notable Quotes

• Derwin: “Intimacy is ‘into me, you see.’ … It’s a position of vulnerability. … The blood of Jesus either declares me righteous or it doesn’t. That frees me to be able to give myself to my wife.”

• Vicki: “Letting Jesus change you—that’s what’s going to draw your spouse … learning to just ‘be’ with Jesus and trust Him to reflect light through you.”

• Dana Che: “If your security isn’t rooted in Christ, you look at your spouse as an enemy, instead of the helper they were created to be.”

Resources Mentioned

• Get Derwin's Book: Lit Up With Love by Dr. Derwin Gray

• Get your FREE Intimacy Series Guide here.
• Register for the upcoming online "Marriage Reset" Workshop

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Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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Whether you've been married for decades or are just starting out, this episode will help you understand intimacy in all its facets (beyond the bedroom) and how to cultivate the kind of deep connection that produces positive fruit in your relationship.

Key Takeaways:

• Defining Intimacy: My personal definition—“being fully known and knowing fully”—plus learn the biblical and practical roots of true intimacy.
• Vulnerability and Trust: Why being “naked and unashamed” goes beyond just the physical, and why you can’t have true vulnerability without trust.
• Common Misconceptions: We're busting myths about intimacy—it's not just about sex, titles, or knowing trivia about your spouse.
• The 5 Types of Intimacy:
• 1. Spiritual Intimacy: The highest form of connection, involving shared values, faith, and worldview. Learn how to deepen spiritual intimacy even if you and your spouse don’t agree on everything spiritual.
  2. Emotional Intimacy: Building trust through sharing feelings, vulnerability, and honest communication.
  3. Physical Intimacy: More than sex! This is about affectionate touch and physical closeness that isn’t always sexual.
  4. Intellectual Intimacy: Connecting through shared ideas, learning, and stimulating conversation—even if your interests differ.
  5. Recreational Intimacy: Having fun together and sharing leisure activities to keep the spark alive.
• Practical Homework: Strengthen two areas this week: spiritual intimacy (Hint: ask your spouse how to improve it), and recreational intimacy (Do something fun together).

Resources & Links

• Get Your Free Intimacy Series Guide: Self-checks, assessments, and tips to help you and your spouse deepen your connection.
• Related Content:
• • What to Do When Your Husband Does Not Lead Spiritually (YouTube Video)
  • Episodes on sexless marriages YouTube + Podcast episode

Key Quotes

• “Intimacy is being fully known and knowing fully.”
• “You can’t have vulnerability without trust.”
• “Being a Christian doesn’t guarantee spiritual intimacy—shared values and open communication do.”
• “Physical intimacy is more than sex. Even long hugs or holding hands matter.”
• “Don’t forget to have FUN in your marriage!”

Follow Dana Che on the socials!

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Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

We've all been given some bad marriage advice from well-meaning folks. But what if that bad marriage advice is ruining your intimacy? My guest, Monica Tanner, and I discuss what helpful marriage advice couples should focus on instead. Monica shares wisdom from her upcoming book, Bad Marriage Advice, and how this relates to intimacy. Let's stop the crazy cycle and lean into the hard truths and practical steps needed to create lasting intimacy and connection in marriage.

Key Takeaways:

• Bad Marriage Advice (And Why It Backfires):
  You'll laugh and commiserate about the terrible marriage clichés we’ve all heard—like "happy wife, happy life," "don’t go to bed angry," and more.
• The Power of the Pause:
  The wisdom of taking a break during heated moments instead of forcing a late-night resolution.
• Intimacy Isn’t Automatic—It’s Cultivated:
  Intimacy was not always present in our marriages and has required time, personal growth, and intentionality to develop.
• Debunking the “You’ve Changed” Myth:
  Change is natural. The key is staying curious and engaged with your partner’s growth rather than resenting natural changes.
• From Lazy Communication to Loving Curiosity:
  You just have to listen to this one to grab the nuggets
• Collaboration Over Compromise:
  Using real-life examples, Monica and Dana model what it looks like to approach differences (early bird/night owl dynamics, for instance) with teamwork rather than resentment or forced compromise.

Quotable Moments:

• “At the root of all the bad marriage advice is lazy communication.” – Monica Tanner
• “There is no greater investment of your time than building a marriage that is healthy and whole.” – Dana Che

Resources Mentioned:

• Monica Tanner’s Website & Book Info: monicatanner.com
• Dana Che’s Free Intimacy Series Guide: danache.com/intimacyseries

Follow Dana Che on the socials!

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Is it chemistry or intimacy that keeps a relationship going strong? In today's episode, we discuss how chemistry gets you in the door, but intimacy is what keeps you in the room. When I first started dating my husband, it was electric: the butterflies, the late-night talks, the “I can’t stop thinking about you” feeling. We used to talk on the phone until we literally fell asleep listening to each other breathe! (Does anyone still do that these days?) Back then, I felt on top of the world. But was it love… or just chemistry?

Here’s the truth: that exhilarating rush draws you together, but it doesn’t always last—and it’s not the whole picture. Too many relationships end too early because people are yearning for chemistry alone.

In today's episode, we're discussing the essential differences—and connections—between chemistry and intimacy in marriage. I'll explain why a thriving relationship needs both the “fireworks” of chemistry and the “slow burn” of true intimacy, and I'll share practical steps to nurture both qualities in your relationship.

Key Takeaways:

• Chemistry vs. Intimacy:
  Chemistry brings excitement and passion at the start of a relationship, but lasting intimacy is built through emotional safety, vulnerability, and being truly seen and loved.

• The Intimacy Framework:
  My four-quadrant model to pinpoint where your relationship stands:

  1. High Chemistry / High Intimacy (the marriage sweet spot)

  2. High Chemistry / Low Intimacy (fun but fragile)

  3. Low Chemistry / High Intimacy (roommate syndrome)

  4. Low Chemistry / Low Intimacy (running on empty)

• Common Myths Debunked:
  - Myth #1: Chemistry automatically leads to intimacy.
  - Myth #2: Chemistry, once lost, can’t be revived.
  - Myth #3: Intimacy is just about s*x

This Episode's Free Resource:

Each episode in this series offers a free resource to grow your intimacy!
Download this week’s guide: Chemistry vs Intimacy Self-Check here!

Follow Dana Che on the socials where you can get shareable quotes about each episode!

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Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Do you freeze up or shut down when it’s time to have hard conversations? Maybe you avoid conflict altogether because you’re afraid of making things worse. In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to stop running from relational tension and start communicating with confidence—even when it’s uncomfortable.

Avoiding conflict might feel safe in the moment, but over time, it damages connection, fuels resentment, and creates distance in your relationship. I’ll share how you can shift from conflict avoidance to confident communication using practical tools that build emotional safety and mutual respect.

Whether you’re naturally more passive or you’re just tired of having the same arguments over and over again, this episode will help you develop the courage and clarity you need to address issues in a healthy way.

💬 What You’ll Learn:

* Why avoiding conflict is actually more harmful than conflict itself
* Common reasons we fear confrontation and how to overcome them
* How the way we were raised plays a significant role in how we handle conflict
* How to communicate confidently without being combative
* A simple framework to approach hard conversations with grace and truth

Resources Mentioned:

Get Your FREE "Conversation Starters When Facing Conflict" Guide Here!

💡 Connect & follow Dana Che on the socials!

Instagram

Facebook

YouTube

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.