In this game-changing episode of The Zero Disturbance Podcast, Kambria Evans continues the "Why Women Go to Therapy" series with a profound conversation on marriage, identity, and the transformative power of EMDR therapy. Drawing from over a decade of clinical experience, she explores how so many women enter marriage carrying generational programming, internalized shame, and false beliefs about what makes them "good" or "successful."

In light of the recent Vogue article suggesting that “having a boyfriend is embarrassing now,” this episode offers a particularly timely lens for re-thinking relational norms. While the Vogue article highlights how in today’s culture many women are publicly distancing themselves from the traditional badge of “partner status”—and instead choosing identity, autonomy, and self-defined value, its time that divorce also got a rebrand.

Through the story of a fictional client, Betsy, we illustrate how therapy—especially EMDR—can bring clarity, reduce emotional disturbance, and empower women to reevaluate long-held narratives. We challenge the outdated stigma around divorce and offer a bold reframe: divorce, for many women, is not a failure—it's an act of self-respect.

- Why EMDR is so effective in helping women find clarity in relationships

- The "branding of marriage" vs. the reality behind closed doors

- Four essential belief buckets used in EMDR to assess relationship health

- How societal and family programming creates inner conflict around leaving

- Why Self-led decisions—grounded in worth, safety, and power—must guide our biggest life choices

Whether you're navigating a relationship, contemplating a major life shift, or supporting a friend through divorce, this episode offers deep insights and compassionate validation. Its important to remind us: clarity is healing, and choosing yourself is never something to be ashamed of.

Quote to Remember:

"Divorce, when chosen from a place of self-worth and clarity, is not a failure—it’s an act of self-respect."

The Zero Disturbance podcast is for educational purposes and is not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or individualized mental health or medical care. All stories, examples, and characters shared are fictionalized or composite representations. Any resemblance to actual persons or situations is purely coincidental and intended solely for educational illustration.

Want to learn more about empowering yourself to experience therapy or coaching on your terms? If you appreciated this episode, you wont want to miss out on The Client Workbook + supporting videos! https://www.zerodisturbance.com/client-workbook

We also offer free resources for clients and therapists! Get access to our free client resource library for the most up-to-date tools and resources for your own journey.

Therapists, access our favorite free resources for designing high-value offers in The Zero Disturbance Welcome Bundle,

https://www.zerodisturbance.com/free-resources

With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.

In this powerful episode, we explore the four distinct phases of therapy—with a spotlight on the often-overlooked 4th phase that can transform your healing journey. Drawing from EMDR, Brainspotting, and somatic therapy, this conversation breaks down what most therapeutic models miss and offers a path forward for deeper healing, integration, and self-leadership.

1. Phase One – The Call to Heal:
   
   
2. • A felt sense or internal voice tells you, “Something’s not right.”
   • Could show up as symptoms like panic attacks, IBS, migraines, or emotional overwhelm.
   • Your nervous system is asking for help.
     
     
3. Phase Two – Naming What’s Happening:
   
   
4. • Identifying trauma, patterns, and beliefs.
   • Going beyond content and symptoms to explore the underlying negative beliefs of self.
   • Using frameworks like the EMDR Beliefs Inventory to understand "Am I safe?", "Am I good?" etc.
     
     
5. Phase Three – Understanding with Clarity:
   
   
6. • Realizing the root causes and integrating new understandings.
   • Acceptance that positive beliefs of self likely won’t come from parents, society, or partners.
   • Many end therapy here—but there’s more.
     
     
7. Phase Four – Building the Self-Led System:
   
   
8. • Actively cultivating and expanding positive beliefs of self.
   • Working with brain-based therapies to create felt experiences of worth, safety, and power.
   • This is the transformational, empowering phase often skipped.
     
     

• You deserve all four phases—not just awareness and coping.
• Brain-based therapies like EMDR and Brainspotting can help lock in positive beliefs at a body level.
• You don’t have to stay stuck at “understanding.” You can build, reclaim, and expand into a fully actualized self.
  

Note: This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you’re experiencing difficulties, please seek guidance from a licensed mental health provider. All stories, examples, and characters shared are fictionalized or composite representations. Any resemblance to actual persons or situations is purely coincidental and intended solely for educational illustration.

Want to learn more about empowering yourself to experience therapy or coaching on your terms? If you appreciated this episode, you wont want to miss out on The Client Workbook + supporting videos! https://www.zerodisturbance.com/client-workbook

We also offer free resources for clients and therapists! Get access to our free client resource library for the most up-to-date tools and resources for your own journey.

Therapists, access our favorite free resources for designing high-value offers in The Zero Disturbance Welcome Bundle,

https://www.zerodisturbance.com/free-resources

With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.

In this transformative episode, we dive into one of the core reasons many women seek therapy: shame.

But shame isn’t just about feeling bad — it’s a manipulative system that’s often internalized from childhood, society, media, and relationships. Through personal insight and real client stories, Kambria walks listeners through how to identify, dismantle, and reclaim power from the shame system using somatic therapies like EMDR and Brainspotting.

This episode is both an invitation and a call to action for women to stop outsourcing their self-worth — and start building a new, Self-Led identity from the inside out.

💡 Key Takeaways:

• Shame is an internal system — not a reflection of truth
• You weren't born with it — it was programmed into you
• We often give others (exes, bosses, society) the power to “mirror” who we are — even when they’re not safe or accurate
• EMDR and Brainspotting help dismantle shame at the body level, not just cognitively
• Healing isn’t about changing them — it’s about reclaiming yourself
• Client stories show how freedom feels when shame stops working on you
• You can receive feedback without shame when you're Self-Led

Listener Challenge:

Take a moment to notice: Where am I still using an internalized shame system that was never mine to begin with?

Then ask: What would it feel like to let that go?

Note: This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you’re experiencing difficulties, please seek guidance from a licensed mental health provider. All stories, examples, and characters shared are fictionalized or composite representations. Any resemblance to actual persons or situations is purely coincidental and intended solely for educational illustration.

Want to learn more about empowering yourself to experience therapy or coaching on your terms? If you appreciated this episode, you wont want to miss out on The Client Workbook + supporting videos! https://www.zerodisturbance.com/client-workbook

We also offer free resources for clients and therapists! Get access to our free client resource library for the most up-to-date tools and resources for your own journey.

Therapists, access our favorite free resources for designing high-value offers in The Zero Disturbance Welcome Bundle,

https://www.zerodisturbance.com/free-resources

With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.