Apocalyptic Comedy

I played all those cool video games. I watched all those movies. I even read the books. In most of 'em, the hero shoots the bad guys, drives a sweet car, never gets hungry, and always seems to get laid by the end. Yeah. Whatever. I gotta be straight with you about why I wrote this journal, and it comes down to one thing, the apocalypse kinda sucks. It doesn’t meet my expectations at all.

Three years have passed since the Jamaicans caused the apocalypse, and things in post-Armageddon Chicago have settled into a new kind of normal. Unfortunately, that "normal" includes collapsing skyscrapers, bands of bloodthirsty maniacs, and a dwindling cache of survival supplies. After watching his family, friends, and most of the non-sadistic elements of society crumble around him, Patrick decides it's time to cross one last item off his bucket list. He's going to Disney World.

Japan, after suffering from a massive irreparable disaster, cuts itself off from the world. Children are so weak they can barely stand or walk: the only people with any get-go are the elderly. Mumei lives with his grandfather Yoshiro, who worries about him constantly. They carry on a day-to-day routine in what could be viewed as a post-Fukushima time, with all the children born ancient - frail and gray-haired, yet incredibly compassionate and wise. Mumei may be enfeebled and feverish, but he is a beacon of hope, full of wit and free of self-pity and pessimism.

The story opens with our newly married protagonists, Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam Darcy, defending their village from an army of flesh-eating unmentionables. But the honeymoon has barely begun when poor Mr. Darcy is nipped by a rampaging dreadful. Elizabeth knows the proper course of action is to promptly behead her husband (and then burn the corpse, just to be safe). But when she learns of a miracle antidote under development in London, she realizes there may be one last chance to save her true love.

In a profoundly strange country called Inner Horner, large enough for only one resident at a time, citizens waiting to enter the country fall under the rule of the power-hungry and tyrannical Phil, setting off a chain of injustice and mass hysteria. An Animal Farm for the 21st century, this is an incendiary political satire of unprecedented imagination, spiky humor, and cautionary appreciation for the hysteric in everyone.

Can true love conquer a zombie mutation? Prepare yourself for an undead zombie romance novel, one that is oozing with dark humor!

I have a confession. I hate bachelorette parties. A night of awkward dancing, penis-shaped straws and being told “you're next, Kaitlyn!” Even worse: It's hosted at a super swanky Miami club where I stick out like a sore thumb. Couldn’t get any worse, right?

Denied a dog, a baby, and even a faithful boyfriend, Cat decides that she needs a snake: a glistening, writhing creature that can be worn like “jewelry, living jewelry.” But when the budding social influencer finally gives in to impulse, buying a Burmese python from a local pet shop, she sets in motion a chain of increasingly dire events that culminates in one of the most memorable denouements in recent fiction, one that ensnares her entire family, from her eco-obsessed parents, Ottilie and Frank, to her frat-boy-turned-husband, Todd.

When the zombie apocalypse hits the quiet Asheville, NC, subdivision of Whispering Pines, the residents don't turn to the police or the military. Nope. They rely on their iron-fisted Home Owners Association! Which Jace Stanford and his family aren’t too keen on. Undead hordes are hard enough to deal with in a post-apocalyptic hellscape, who needs HOA fines too?

The future is blue - endless blue...except for a few small places that float across the hot, drowned world left behind by long-gone fossil fuel-guzzlers. One of those patches is a magical place called Garbagetown. Tetley Abednego is the most beloved girl in Garbagetown, but she’s the only one who knows it. She’s the only one who knows a lot of things: that Garbagetown is the most wonderful place in the world, that it’s full of hope, that you can love someone and 66% hate them all at the same time.

In an isolated village at the edge of a forest, the last of humanity ekes out a spirited existence on an Earth that was ravaged by cataclysm generations ago. Here, Sky Memoriam prepares to assume the role of memory keeper, sole relator of the long-forgotten histories of the Old World. But Sky is in for a shock.

Charlie Campbell was your average, balding, thirty-year-old alcoholic with a dead-end job and a penchant for shambling through life one mistake after another. However, none of that mattered following the sudden arrival of a mysterious sickness that brought with it infected mobs of zombie-like creatures thirsting for the flesh of the living. Trapped in a Chicago apartment the morning after a raucous bachelor party, Charlie and his old fraternity buddies must battle for survival against the cannibalistic horde, a military invasion and their own rampant stupidity.

It's 2017, and a raging virus has drastically reduced the world's population of men, transforming all but a fraction into a race of putrid, brain-dead zombies. So what's single, ambitious 23-year-old Hattie Cross to do for fun, not to mention romance? In this hilarious marriage of post-apocalyptic fiction and super smart chick-lit with a wry twist, novelist Lynn Messina spoofs dating manuals, monsters, and the superficial media world, all the while creating a feisty, funny heroine with heart.

Jack Winters is in the Lifestream while his friends struggle to keep the world from succumbing to evil. Barry and Mara scour heaven for a spy. Zandra and T’Challa stand on the frontlines against the enemy. And Mike is also involved somehow.

Not much says crazy quite like a good, old-fashioned apocalypse. And for the world over, it has been one wacky, wild ride. From zombies to werewolves, vampires to superpowers, everything was practically guaranteed to never be the same. But for a small town in Iowa, things took a slightly different turn, one that placed the people of Orangerton in a precarious and nefarious peril most fowl.

At the end of the world, the zombies are not the scariest monsters. Something evil and vile now hides among the sheep seeking to devour its very heart. Pastor Mike Brown and his wife, Lauren, are loved by the congregation of the church that rose from the ashes of the zombie apocalypse. But a dark secret, if discovered, could destroy everything.

Keegan is a late-night public access radio show host, sexual deviant, and militant vegan. He has grown tired of his vegan cause being treated with apathy by the portly, meat-gorging, residents of the small town of Breen Gay, Wisconsin.

Boxford High pranksters cause a chemistry lab to go wrong and students are forced to face something far worse than S.A.T.’s and cafeteria lunches - an infection that turns students into zombies scouring the halls for survivors. A group of unlikely companions; an artistic goth, star-athlete jock, disgruntled loner, would-be marine, sassy cheerleader, and angry Asian, must fend off the living dead. As they fight through locker rooms and dance their way across the theater, they will find surviving zombies is more complicated than puberty.

Certainly not the twins at the heart of the matter of all things Apocalypse, Calvin and Trent, who soon must decide what—or rather whom—they’re willing to sacrifice in order to delay your world’s dying gasps. Definitely not the high school principal, Gary Mustafa, whose hyperfixation on balloons will leave your mind only loosely tethered to your head. Then there’s Love and Yew, the former government hacker and ex-reality TV star, the latter a psychedelic therapist who thinks she’s better than you. The less said about these two women, the better.

There was always one point, one moment in all of reality where everything that was will fight for everything that might be. It’s this point. Well, several points, but all happening at the same time, but not the same time. It’s super complicated. Some question whether it really happened at all, or will happen.