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Hold On to Your Kids

Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
Written by: Gordon Neufeld
Narrated by: Gabor Maté, Daniel Mate
Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (72 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

This parenting classic on one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time - peers replacing parents in the lives of children - is now more relevant than ever. The latest edition includes new material on how social media and video game culture are affecting our children, and what parents can do.

In Hold On to Your Kids, Dr. Neufeld and Dr. Maté explore the phenomenon of peer orientation: the troubling tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction - for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behavior. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; it is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident - as do the solutions.

©2008 Gabor Maté (P)2018 Vintage Canada

What the critics say

"Hold on to Your Kids blows in from Canada like a Blue Northern, bringing us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting. The authors integrate psychology, anthropology, neurology and their own personal and professional experiences as they examine the 'context' of parenting today. This is a worthy book with practical implications for mom and dad." (Dr. Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other)

"Hold on to Your Kids is visionary book that goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of society. Most importantly they offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfill their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well written book, one to be taken seriously, very seriously." (Peter A. Levine PhD, international teacher and author of the best-selling books Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma and It Won’t Hurt Forever, Guiding Your Child Through Trauma)

"The thoughts and perspectives presented by the authors are informative - even inspirational - for those who choose to dedicate their lives and energy to students." (Bulletin of the National Association of Secondary School Principals)

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • Overall
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Truly life changing.

Thoufg hard to sit through the first part of the book. The second part offers solutions well worth the time and effort.

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Wonderful and insightful book!

This book was so informative and applicable! What a gift to have received this help in raising our precious kids! Thank you!

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A must-read if you have kids, especially teenagers

I needed this book! My own childhood taught me nothing about healthy loving relationships. I had to learn that for myself, from scratch. Gordon Neufeld decodes the issues that have teenagers separating from their parents, and gives concrete tools to maintain or repair the relationship, as needed. If you have a teenager or tween, this is the book!

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Hold onto this book!

Loved it! Great insight. Well put together. I applaud the authors and the team behind the development of this book.

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Great book

loved this book, very informative and eye opening. I'm looking forward to trying to use these technics to improve my relationship with my children.

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So much wisdom

Fantastic book that every parent and teacher should read or listen to!
There is so much to learn that I plan on listening to it again real soon. Wish I had heard this stuff a decade ago.

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A must read for parents.

Amazing. A must read for every parent. I can't say enough good things about this book. This will change the way I parent. Recommend, Recommend, Recommend!!

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Informative about why we need our relationship to dominate peer but with very few how to

This books is informative about the dangers of peer orientation without tips on how to be the dominant relationship in their life. I feel like I know I need I be who they spend the most time with outside of school, but not how to do it since the author is down with tech. Not very useful.

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  • Ernest P. Clover
  • 2019-01-14

So great as a young father!

This is hard for me because I was raised a certain way, took in the lies of society, and peer grooming. This really forced me to take a step back and think before I engage with my kids, have a plan to work and work the plan.

7 people found this helpful

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  • Halls
  • 2018-12-30

most recommended parenting book

I am a family therapist and this is the only book on parenting I recommend. Brilliantly written on the latest brain research

7 people found this helpful

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  • Amasong
  • 2019-09-17

Life-changing

I have my child back. Instead of slammed doors and anger, I now have “please stay” and “can I ask your advice.” Thank you for this permanently life changing book and for helping parents raise loving future parents. Praise built on unconditional love yields permanent bonds with children. This book should be given out to parents upon departure from hospital delivery rooms.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Yasmin R.
  • 2019-03-07

A parenting reality check

Fantastic information for our times, guiding parents with practical examples on how to parent our children through the age of information overload.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Stephen
  • 2019-03-01

Vital

It's probably one of the most important books I've read. Not only does it explain why our culture is headed the direction it is, but it also gives us a way out of the course it's taking us in.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Mary Robbins
  • 2019-06-08

This book deserves 10,000 stars!

While I don’t believe this book is perfect, at times I thought the reasoning was winding and repetitive, the content is unmatched in its insight.

Never have I heard read anything about parenting that gave me such a clear sense of purpose of my own role and understanding into my children. The thing Neufeld writes rings so true. I remember feeling the exact things he talks about as a child.

This is not your typical parenting book with tricks and tips; if you have problem A, then apply solution B to solve. The onus is on the parent to understand the child’s developmental stage, their needs and their abilities, and provide the necessary comfort, boundaries, care, etc. Over time I have seen my family transform from what I learned from this book. I wish I could give every new parent this book!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Amazon Kunde
  • 2019-02-20

Interesting book

Interesting book, focusing all the time on personal attachment from different perspectives. . . .

1 person found this helpful

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  • DoodleLover
  • 2019-01-28

A must read

A must read For all parents and educators who work with holders. Profound and insightful.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Maryann Murray
  • 2020-03-19

School suggestion ?

This book was okay dragged the same point on for awhile. The point is dead on. I recommend but I think the school hyped it up to be better than it was.
You decide

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  • Melvin E. Silverio
  • 2020-02-17

Transformational Book

This book really changed my perception of muy relationship with my son. as I read the book, it provided really good tools to use, and they are working. I'm highly impressed with the progress thus far with the attachment/ relationship with my son.