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Hold On to Your Kids

Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
Written by: Gordon Neufeld
Narrated by: Gabor Maté, Daniel Mate
Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
5 out of 5 stars (33 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

International authority on child development Gordon Neufeld, PhD, joins forces with bestselling author Gabor Maté, MD, to tackle one of the most disturbing trends of our time: Children today looking to their peers for direction - their values, identity, and codes of behavior. This “peer orientation” undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. Children end up becoming overly conformist, desensitized, and alienated, and being “cool” matters more to them than anything else. 

Hold On to Your Kids explains the causes of this crucial breakdown of parental influence - and demonstrates ways to “reattach” to sons and daughters, establish the proper hierarchy in the home, make kids feel safe and understood, and earn back your children’s loyalty and love. This updated edition also specifically addresses the unprecedented parenting challenges posed by the rise of digital devices and social media. By helping to reawaken instincts innate to us all, Neufeld and Maté will empower parents to be what nature intended: a true source of contact, security, and warmth for their children.

©2008 Gabor Maté (P)2018 Vintage Canada

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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    3 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars

Informative about why we need our relationship to dominate peer but with very few how to

This books is informative about the dangers of peer orientation without tips on how to be the dominant relationship in their life. I feel like I know I need I be who they spend the most time with outside of school, but not how to do it since the author is down with tech. Not very useful.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Halls
  • Provo, UT
  • 2018-12-30

most recommended parenting book

I am a family therapist and this is the only book on parenting I recommend. Brilliantly written on the latest brain research

6 of 6 people found this review helpful

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  • Ernest P. Clover
  • BELLEVILLE, MI, US
  • 2019-01-14

So great as a young father!

This is hard for me because I was raised a certain way, took in the lies of society, and peer grooming. This really forced me to take a step back and think before I engage with my kids, have a plan to work and work the plan.

4 of 4 people found this review helpful

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  • Yasmin R.
  • 2019-03-07

A parenting reality check

Fantastic information for our times, guiding parents with practical examples on how to parent our children through the age of information overload.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Stephen
  • 2019-03-01

Vital

It's probably one of the most important books I've read. Not only does it explain why our culture is headed the direction it is, but it also gives us a way out of the course it's taking us in.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Amazon Kunde
  • 2019-02-20

Interesting book

Interesting book, focusing all the time on personal attachment from different perspectives. . . .

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • DoodleLover
  • Sunnyvale, CA United States
  • 2019-01-28

A must read

A must read For all parents and educators who work with holders. Profound and insightful.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Mary Robbins
  • 2019-06-08

This book deserves 10,000 stars!

While I don’t believe this book is perfect, at times I thought the reasoning was winding and repetitive, the content is unmatched in its insight.

Never have I heard read anything about parenting that gave me such a clear sense of purpose of my own role and understanding into my children. The thing Neufeld writes rings so true. I remember feeling the exact things he talks about as a child.

This is not your typical parenting book with tricks and tips; if you have problem A, then apply solution B to solve. The onus is on the parent to understand the child’s developmental stage, their needs and their abilities, and provide the necessary comfort, boundaries, care, etc. Over time I have seen my family transform from what I learned from this book. I wish I could give every new parent this book!

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  • Baby Xips
  • 2019-05-13

Just an amazing read

This book is a must for any parent. Should be the included manual with your kids!

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  • mikez
  • Seattle, WA
  • 2019-05-10

Genius level insight into what is really going on with child development

This book cuts like a laser to the core of our challenges. Can’t recommend it highly enough.

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  • Gom
  • 2019-04-11

Good book, monotone interpretation

I found the perspective of attachment as being in the root of the way adolescents behave presented by this book very interesting. The author describes and articulates very cleanly the problems of today’s adolescents. The performance is clear but monotonous, a few times, after 20 minutes of listening while driving it made me too sleepy to keep on listening.