Not quite what I was hoping for.

First, let me say that I am a guy and my wife bought this audible book… so take everything below with a grain of salt.

Overall, I think this book misses the mark on parenting for moms and dads. There are a lot of studies mentioned, many of them about how much “better” women are than men at various things. And, the overall tone is similar in that moms are the master parents and dads are idiot robots meant to be manipulated by their partner and serve as glorified babysitters to the children.

The bottom line is that moms and dads are different today than they were yesterday, and will be different again tomorrow. I know a few parenting situations where the dad is indeed a deadbeat parent; I know others where the mom is the deadbeat. And, let’s not forget all the single parents figuring things out anyway they can, including a rising number of single dads. That being said, parenting is hard, and initially the Mom is likely to carry the team as pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding are unmatchable endeavors and fortify the mother-baby relationship early on. But carrying the team does not equal being the GM, and even if you’re the star, you still need the team to succeed (or at least it really helps!). Mom and Dads should be co-captains of the team and share mutual respect for the other in that responsibility, and know that that shared respect and responsibility is forever fluid in direction, depth, and distribution. This book lacks that respect needed for parents today and tomorrow. It’s written to highlight parents from yesterday, but in today’s setting.

I hope my wife skips this book, but if she does listen to it, there is certainly plenty of worthwhile content, not to mention an engaging narrator (the author). The booked flowed smoothly and was very easy to listen to. I really liked the author and suspect that her and “Tom” are doing well these days. I just feel a few less studies, or at least more context and background on them, and a subtle change to the tone/theme would make this an easy 5 star book.

51 people found this helpful

Must listen for all new parents

I downloaded this book after an argument with my husband. He told me he was going to go outside and start the grill and didn’t come back for two hours. Meanwhile, I was inside entertaining our ten month old and growing ever more resentful. Why was I the default caregiver while he came and went as he pleased? When I complained, he wanted to know why I didn’t ask for help? And in return, I wanted to know why I had to ask.

This book goes into all of that and more. I downloaded it the next morning, took the dog for a walk, and peed my pants laughing about a mile from my house. Darn those pelvic floor issues. Since then, I’ve recommended it to all my friends and my nine month pregnant sister who is already complaining about her husband.

This book is not about bashing men. It could be re-titled “How Not to Hate Your Partner...” It helped me understand how I was contributing to our issues as new parents through poor communication and the inabiiity to communicate my needs. There is lots of actionable advice within the content, and I appreciated the mix of anecdotes and research.

27 people found this helpful

Excellent Book! Title should be changed though...

Where does How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

This is a great book, very fun to listen to, I laughed out loud!

What was one of the most memorable moments of How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids?

Her therapy session with the scary therapist and getting pointers from the FBI negotiators

What about Jancee Dunn’s performance did you like?

She is funny, light hearted, and tells the truth

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

yes

Any additional comments?

YES! It should REalLy be "how not to hate your SPOUSE after kids" - I want my husband to listen to it but it is hard to with the title. However, this book teaches amazing things about conflict resolution in general, as well as how to NOT damage your kids when fighting with your spouse. I seriously think you should consider putting it out with a new title, it is a must read for every married couple... Marriage is hard, and a lot of what is covered in this book is not talked about often enough... it is nice to know we are all in the same boat! I highly recommend this book...

17 people found this helpful

How to hate your husband

This book was all complaints. I kept listening just to see if it would get better. Really frustrating and disapointing.

8 people found this helpful

Great research & tips after 1st few chapters; helpful any age parenting with kids

The 1st chapters were almost hard to hear, the title of the books sounds intense- BUT KEEP LISTENING! she soon gets to the facts/advice/professional opinions. We have all had that ultra angry moment with our spouse, however (sorry to Jancee’s husband Tom) he was SO checked out haha I was upset for her and not me all of the sudden!! Relieved to say my husband wasn’t as bad haha but so glad to go on the evolving journey with them to from: a direct talking counselor in couples counseling, to wonderful research statistics, experiments, & examples of good and bad times. She gives tips on how to communicate better that she has learned from Gary Chapman and FBI negotiators 😂. Statistics from Helen Fisher, and so many more professionals. My husband and I recently changed roles in that I am not working all the sudden. We used to be nearly 50/50 just due to the fact that someone else watched our child 8+ hours a day. I needed guidance on what is fair now that my Son is my job and my family! This book has helped me to embrace my time with my child, not take score so much, communicate better, and discuss our goals. Also the gender role : we talk about being open but this books made me think “so what are we SHOWING our future son {to be spouse/partner hopefully male who can cook a meal one day}?” She makes great points and emphasis about what we DO. If I am always sweeping, mopping, vacuuming- my white male toddler may grow up to expect that. We now diversity roles every so often. We embrace family time and needed alone or date nights. It is worth a read!!!! Thank you Jancee for letting us step into your family. Thanks for the honesty we all need to hear! Thanks Tom being the guinea pig 🤣

6 people found this helpful

Swears right off

I was disappointed to hear a string of curse words within the first five minutes. I didn’t listen any farther.

5 people found this helpful

Loved how the research was made accessible

I loved how this writer incorporated so much research into this book in an accessible and entertaining fashion. I was laughing and writing notes often throughout listening to this. Also, the last chapter was a helpful summary and reminder of everything covered.

4 people found this helpful

Hard to relate to lifestyle well narrated

Not very relatable to have two full time stay at home parents with trips biking vineyards in California and the other interviewing celebrities. Try a blue collar 8-5 father and a full time office spouse or part time working wife the problems are completely different and this book could have been way more helpful. Wish there was more on clutter and making time to clean with two kids like hurricanes

3 people found this helpful

You don't need a husband or kids to appreciate!

You don't need a husband or kids to appreciate the insight shared in this book! Was emailed a link to the Jezebel article about it by my boyfriend and finished it in two days. Definitely recommend for anyone who is building a life with a partner.

3 people found this helpful

So much good info even if married without kids!

She is so funny and so smart to both fix her marriage and get paid for it!! Love this book and every professional she consulted with to help her. I even love the comedians she quotes. Terry Real is the bomb! I love him and Esther too. Well done Jancee!!
I'm on my 3 X listening to this book back to back. It has become the sound track to my life.

2 people found this helpful