Life-Changing

I just finished listening to I Hear You on Audible this morning, and it has already changed one of the most important relationships in my life. My mom had an episode and was diagnosed with schizophrenia about a year ago, and since then, our relationship has turned sour. Prior to the start of her episode, which still persists today, we used to speak on the phone at least an hour a week and were very close. For the past year, our conversations have been angry and short, and I felt like we were always talking in circles about her irrational thoughts and conspiracy theories, never about anything going on in my life.


I was about halfway through I Hear You when I had a call with my mom last week. During our call, I realized that my knee-jerk reaction was to immediately invalidate every thought and emotion she shared with me, so I shifted gears and tried validating her feelings instead. I kept expressing how I couldn't imagine what she was going through and that it sounded terrifying and isolating. Her response was so overwhelmingly appreciative that I didn't even need to offer my opinion or perspective. I could actually hear the relief in her voice when she thanked me for understanding, and for the first time in a year, she changed the subject and asked me about my day. We spoke for an hour and a half, and I felt good during and after the call, just like old times. We connected, and I'm actually looking forward to talking to her again.

I highly recommend reading I Hear You. It will easily change your relationships and your life for the better.

259 people found this helpful

Everyone Should Practice these Principles

This book is very well performed. The author is clear and succinct. He does not try to streatch a few solid ideas into 20 chapters, when he can cover them in a handful. This book has a focused principle it describes, then it instructs you on how to implement the principle using several techniques and examples. I really enjoyed the style and structure of this book. It is very user friendly and teaches communication strategies to help understand and better communicate with others, while validating their emotions. This book highlights something society has forgetten, that we are allowed to feel.

65 people found this helpful

Validation, that's all

I found it useful, easy, practical. A few repetitive about the same concept : validation. But it's worth to listen

50 people found this helpful

Helpful and Grasping

I just applied some of the principles I learned in this book the other day. My coworker was having trouble with her husband. She said he always whined and she would give him solutions which would make him grumpier. I told her next time to simply say, "Wow, that really sucks." This book talks about how everyone just wants to feel acknowledged. If they need help, they'll ask for it. Otherwise, tell someone you've felt the same way they've felt, or that you're sorry they're feeling crappy today because that's no fun at all. This book gives good examples in both work and personal life scenarios. You should read it if you're interested in understanding people more, and improving your communication skills.

61 people found this helpful

Book helped solved a problem I didn't know existed

What did you love best about I Hear You?

This is a PHENOMENAL book for anyone that wants to improve their relationship with others and even more specifically with themselves. Several months ago, I got a difficult medical diagnosis which was life changing. Michael, the author, a friend of mine gave me this book to read unknowing of my current situation.

For me the most powerful concepts I learned from this book was validating my own self. I had been going through quite a range of emotions as I was dealing with the potential effects this new medical diagnosis was going to have on every aspect of my life. I learned as I read this book that I hadn't been validating any of the “negative” feelings I was so strongly feeling but was suppressing them all. I started to vividly see the damage and harm this unknown behavior of not validating all of my feelings had been causing me.

I learned to see that what I have needed most from myself and others was validation of those feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, and fear etc. After finally realizing I needed to validate those feelings that had been festering inside, I felt this huge sense of relief and calmness in my life. I can honestly say I use the act of validating all my emotions on a daily basis. I am able to process things better, move forward with more hope and a better attitude even though my life is not what I want it to be at this time! This is a MUST READ for everyone!

86 people found this helpful

Short, to the point and actionable

Description
I hear you is a short introduction to achieving connection and improving communication through validation.
It offers a 4 step approach to opening up conversation and meeting people where they are, while still being assertive in your own viewpoint.


Concerns
At first I felt that the examples where too kind to the author and didn't really address more difficult situations.
I found it hard to distinguish this form of validation from basic lipservice. But as the book progresses it does teach you how to validate the other person and meeting them in what you can relate to or understand while still maintaining your own stance as well.


Strengths
It is short. It is easily followed and interesting with examples given. It is concrete in it's advice and explains the background for why that advice is given.


Conclusion
I believe that following type advice laid out in this book will give you more opportunities for empathy and getting to know the people around you. People are more likely to listen to people they respect and from whom they feel heard. So this book will also allow you to influence others more effectively.

31 people found this helpful

LIFE CHANGING....

I had always believed myself to be a good listener, but i had no idea how to respond. I couldn’t stand the generic responses you hear people tell one another everyday, ““ I know how you feel”, “it could be worse”, or “you’ll get over it”, uggghhhh, I am not a lier , im more of a straight shooter, but sometimes honesty is harsh. I feel like I have always tried to avoid a lot of certain situations where I would be forced to either lie or be brutally honest. This book opened up a new chapter in myself. I couldn’t wait to start using the method. I am making my 16 yr old read it. This book is something to live by for anyone who wants to be a better person. That’s intense but I too believe that people want actually they need to feel validation. It’s crazy what a few simple words can do to someone’s day. It’s books like this they should be reading in high school, it really could do good things. I must also say I listened to the audible and there is something soothing about Michaels voice! 👍🏼

64 people found this helpful

for a self proclaimed non "authority" on the su

on the subject, this guy not only gets it, he gets what most people miss and wash over, and he very clearly dismantles our preconceived notions of empathy, with such simple language, and relatable examples, that not only clear up the misconceptions, but internalize the subtleties that are a make-it-or-break-it reality when it comes to getting what you need to understand about understanding people. Carl Rogers would weep tears of joy if he could read this book. Absolutely required listening for anyone who wants to be around humans. Life improves in all areas when these truths are finally grasped, and your understanding of yourself will deepen so much that it could be a reason in and of itself. Just awesome.

31 people found this helpful

Very helpful

The skill of validation is surprisingly important and overlooked.... The author does a great job of explaining how we can use it to improve our lives and relationships. He does so in practical terms.. I recognize countless times that I unknowingly was injuring relationships even with something as (seemingly) simple as not showing enough interest in my partner’s success or passing comments about his day. I also like that this book is short enough that I could listen again without much stress to refresh the ideas. Thanks!

18 people found this helpful

Gain a superpower!!!

I cant wait to get better at validating others and myself. I truly wish I had heard this book 13 years ago. My husband has fallen out of love with me because I haven't validated him enough. Validating others is truly the key to intimate connection and trust. This book helped me understand clearly what it is, isn't, and how to do it effectively and sound natural. I liked the reader too. his voice was genuine, natural and easy to listen to.

20 people found this helpful