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The High-Conflict Couple

A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation
Written by: Alan E. Fruzzetti PhD
Narrated by: Vanessa Daniels
Length: 6 hrs and 22 mins
Categories: Self-Help, Relationships
5 out of 5 stars (4 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

You hear and read a lot about ways to improve your relationship. But if you've tried these without much success, you're not alone. Many highly reactive couples - pairs that are quick to argue, anger, and blame - need more than just the run-of-the-mill relationship advice to solve their problems in love. When destructive emotions are at the heart of problems in your relationship, no amount of effective communication or intimacy building will fix what ails it. If you're part of a high-conflict couple, you need to get control of your emotions first, to stop making things worse, and only then work on building a better relationship.

The High-Conflict Couple adapts the powerful techniques of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) into skills you can use to tame out-of-control emotions that flare up in your relationship. Using mindfulness and distress tolerance techniques, you'll learn how to deescalate angry situations before they have a chance to explode into destructive fights. You'll discover ways to manage problems with negotiation, not conflict, and to find true acceptance and closeness with the person you love the most.

©2006 Alan E. Fruzzetti (P)2016 Tantor

What the critics say

"Fruzzetti's focused use of the specialized dialectical behavior therapy makes his book unique in the couples-therapy field and recommends it for larger public libraries." ( Library Journal)

What members say

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  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
  • Jessica Saunders
  • 2017-10-19

Notations Should be Left in the Written Version

It is very hard to listen to a behavior therapy book and follow the train of thought when every other sentence has notations and references listed regarding where the data came from. Important information,I know. You have to credit your sources, and reference appropriate studies and papers, however, in the middle of an audio book is not the place for that. It breaks up the whole flow of the message and makes it very hard to listen to or care about. I am 30 minutes into a 6 hour book and am already annoyed. I will attempt to continue and change the overall and story ratings when done, but performance will stay at 1 star.

18 of 19 people found this review helpful

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  • Drew
  • 2018-11-18

Big words, but solutions made for 2 yr olds

Im really disappointed in this book. At the beginning, its inundated with big words like ‘pejorative’ when it could just say ‘harmful’. And these big words are so random — like the writer went back and just threw in a bunch of unnecessary big terms to sound intelligent.

But that’s not really the issue. The issue is the actual content — the solutions. It’s SOOOO bad I’m sorry :/. I know books are not easy to write, but this stuff is full of ‘preaching to the choir’ material.

Things like: “don’t drink too much alcohol.” Um...yeah that’s a given.

“Pay attention to your partner.” Again, obviously.

“Make sure you notice your partner. Just don’t be critical or judgemental.”

“Don’t get angry at your partner. Instead, think about why you love them.”

I tried to finish but I just can’t. The thing that frustrates me is it claims to be in the spectrum of Cognitive Behavioral Health (CBT), but doesn’t actually include any CBT related material anywhere in the book. Saying “that just proves the partner is lazy. This will hurt their feelings” is not actually a solution — it’s a given. People having relationship issues are looking for real exercises that help identity the actual reason for why th

6 of 6 people found this review helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • jill ballard
  • 2018-06-07

A Audiobook to listen to many times over

Every Morning I listen to this audiobook while getting ready for work. I have been in couples therapy for 1.5 years with a man that is bipolar and has a personality disorder. This book has been perfect in getting my own self esteem back on track.
It teaches you how to stay present remembering that your partner is the one you love, no mater what. I do recommend this book to couples that spend time, energy, blaming, returning to past events letting go and seeing the big picture

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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  • E.D.
  • 2017-02-11

Loved it

Recommended to anyone not just couples with problems. I'll listen to it again. Great purchase!

7 of 8 people found this review helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • Yanina Sarquis Adamson
  • 2018-05-24

Some parts are good, but expected better

I expected better for someone that worked so close to Marsha Lineham herself. In my opinion the exercises and examples were not very useful and the narrator made everything a million times worse. I would suggest listening to a sample before buying and figuring out if you will be able to tolerate Vanessa's reading where she ENUNCIATES every SENTENCE as if it were CRUCIAL. Every-single-sentence. Too much. Some advice was useful though, like how important validation is, and the "practice in your head how you are going to respond to conflict with validation before you actually do it in real life" and the "accept what you cannot change by changing its meaning". If you are an avid reader, you might not lose to much by buying it and maybe gain some, but if this is the only book you are going to read about couples, I suggest looking for another book.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • Amazon Customer
  • 2018-02-22

great

great examples which will help with everyday conflicts. i believe i will listen to it again to get everything

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Dan Carter
  • 2017-09-24

practical new patterns<br />

tangible practices offered to break away from old patterns. listen through to get the full concepts.


1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • R. Dettlaff
  • 2017-09-09

Great Book with Exercises and Directions!

This was a great book based on research with practical applications you could practice in interactions.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Joseph B.
  • 2019-04-12

Good book but bad narrator

As previous reviews have noted, it is a bit hard to follow with the unnecessary notations. But a good book nonetheless.

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  • Mike Hennessy
  • 2019-03-21

very helpful ..

if you are struggling in a tough relationship this can help.. both partners need to engage and make a serious effort to put the concepts into action