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Publisher's Summary

Leland 

Is a nice little wedding with Blow-up Randy and Jackson My Love too much to ask for? Clearly, because someone’s trying to kill one of us...again. Generally, this would be my thing and I would jump right in singing my murder song, but they want Jackson dead and I will do anything (and I mean anything) to keep him alive - including and not limited to: 10 Dobermans, bulletproof glass, and dragging Cassel in with the promise of more Jerebear. These people have no idea what they’ve done targeting the man I love because I’m coming after them. But when it feels like everything might be lost, I start to understand that I have a family now who will stand by my side and do everything they can to make sure we end this on our terms. 

Jackson 

When someone attacks me, it’s clear they want something from me. The issue is that I have no idea who they are or what they’re after. And if I don’t figure it out soon, I’m afraid Leland is going to smother me with his overprotectiveness (or put me in a bubble at the top of a tower). The issue is that time is ticking and with the price tag on my head, there’s no telling who is coming for me or when. Together, Leland and I have to decipher who is telling the truth in this game of life or death because I have plans to marry the man of my dreams, and no one is going to stop me - especially with Leland by my side. 

This book contains humor, action, romance, bad behavior on a golf course, sort of abducting a child who lacks kung fu power, enough car chases and shooting to make even Leland happy, and spontaneous singing.

©2020 Alice Winters (P)2021 Alice Winters

What listeners say about The Hitman's Guide to Tying the Knot Without Getting Shot

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Killer Narration

Michael Ferraiuolo kills this story with the best narration. It's a good story as well but the narration makes it!

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A+

5 Blue Roses
Narrator Michael Ferraiuolo loosened those sleeves, rolled them up, and unbuckled my straight-jackets’ ties which held me in a state of stiff (not the good stiff kind, the cold almost dead kind) animated suspension. The worst audiobook slump, since the time old retired people, discovered tape recorders and decided to make audiobooks. He sat me up and fed me humor until I slightly flexed my neck and moved my chin up and down, confirming what he is doing feels right and he should continue. To prevent episodes of choking (again, not good choking, the choking where Heimlich maneuver is required) my medicinal humor was cut up into smaller pieces and mashed with romance and a deeper love for blow-up dolls (once more, not the good sex dolls, but the companionship they offer to good-hearted psycho killers. Michael is an expert when it comes to conveying ridiculous humor, he juggles it until it is the right temperature to swallow (uhmm, ok, let’s move on), he never rushes it and never bores you to death (Yes, this time it is a bad death and not the good little death, reached neither fast nor slow).

Behind all the good work Michael does, is Alice Winters. She writes really-really good stuff. Their symbiotic relationship creates awesome content to feed and free the Seymores like us. (like feed me, feed me Seymore, but also like freeing the drowning straight-jacket escapologist).

On a serious note, this was one hell of a series! From book one when Jacksons’pants got stuck while he jumped a fence and ended arse up, until the end, when Leland and Jackson got married, the author managed to keep me laughing while I connected on a deeper level with the characters. They are truly unforgettable individually and as a couple, I really hope to hear more from them. (It’s up to the author)

But, I will miss Leland and I will definitely re-listen to this series again and again.

Bring me a hanky, and wipe my nose, I am emotional and feel like crying, saying goodbye.

Thank you, for sharing your gifts, for cheering us up. (Best Author and Narrator team!)

Happiness is listening to your stuff!

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I'm so Happy!

I've been waiting for this to come out on audiobook!! I love Michael Ferraiuolo, his Leland is hilarious, I can't get enough! Both happy and sad to see their story come to an end. Only thing I'd say, I wish the epilogue was longer and took place further in the future.

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  • Rebecca Azizov
  • 2021-01-30

wow!!!!!

I will not spoil this book , I will not spoil this book!!!!! I will write a good review without spoiling the book!!!!
Let's do this ****
P.s!!!!!! If you hadn't listen to the first two books go the F away, and do it already!!!! What are you still doing here?! Are you still here?! Go away I told you

It's review time 🎧

Warning ⚠️: 3rd book in a series, not a standalone, comedy, mm romance, action, guns, a sweet kid, 10 dogs (well 11) and much much more!

Narrator score🎧 ; well I really don't know what else to say about this talent, really I don't Michael Ferraiuolo is so talented it just hurts from laughter, really I can't feel my cheeks anymore!!!!! Omg he is responsible for elongating my life and making me feel better. Just thank you for that.

Level of steam🔥: well 🤣🤣🤣 how can I say it.... you had some edible underwears, and some very funny *** time. So yeah. It was kinda hot. But as always one of the biggest talents of this incredible author is that she doesn't need to write steam to make you want to read it. It just is, and it's wonderful and snarky.

Level of anxiety and sadness0😱😢: well though its a full on comedy, it is full with humans and I'll explain. Sometimes when you read a comedy you forget to write something serious, but she didn't as an author she made us love Leland and Jackson. They aren't those perfect or stupid sitcom characters, they are human and she even made me to tear up. The book is that good.

The book itself📖: well ,we are here! that book, that whole series, is just a big Wow! because who knew that you can fall in love with a character from the one side, but you never want to meet this character in real life, because omg!!!!
So yeah that is Leland, you love him, you love his snark, his humor, his craziness, you can't dislike him, but now and then you are reminded that he is dangerous as all hell! And the combo is just brilliant.
I really think that Alice winters is an incredible artist, I can't call her just an author, because she's much more. She'll tell you a story that could easily pass as an horror movie and tell it as a full on comedy. Its a great talent she possesses.
And Jackson let's talk about him , he is more "perfect" than Leland but then we discovered that he isn't from book one we see this accomplished man who isn't in a good place with his family, and sure we all get it in the glamorous dress of humor, but we do feel what he is going through and I love it. Every single moment of this book and series as a whole is magic.

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  • Roger
  • 2021-03-05

Interesting then LOL

It reminds me of Terry Pratchett, a bit or perhaps A Lee Martinez, maybe a lesser Wodehouse. Just a story without angst, breezy without being insipid, clever at times, made me laugh out loud several times. A guy is in a ridiculous situation. It is the kind of popcorn story I like but is very hard to do. The three authors mentioned are the only ones I know. I really want to read another by this author. This is a book I can listen to again in 2 or 3 years & just enjoy. That’s what I meant by a popcorn book. It isn’t bleak or dystopian. The characters aren’t humiliated or abused. There isn’t heart pounding action & non-stop plot twists. There are no pools of blood or unsub serial killers. It is likeable. It must have depth or something I have no word for because it isn’t boring. Just a bit of entertainment.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Nalla Jodi
  • 2021-01-31

Once again Fabulous

Winters never misses with these characters. I don’t know if I want to be Leland or be his friend. He has to be my most favorite book character I’ve ever read about. And that says alot since I’ve read/listened to alot of books. Huge credit to Michael! Throughout this series I’ve laughed so much but this book is a masterpiece; many times I laughed s so hard I almost peed myself (ie, golf cart scene) and this is while I was driving. Well done y’all!!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Rivulose.
  • 2021-04-07

I am addicted.

The storyline and the plotline. Delights a very dark part of my soul. The main protagonist that is a assassin. I am vaguely reminded of Villanelle from Killing Eve. The plotline of this series of books has been pretty consistent. And entertaining. I've enjoyed each and every book immensely.

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  • Nova
  • 2021-04-07

before the wedding.....

Leland and Jackson at it again.
So many laughs and they even solve some crime.
Another hilarious book in this Outstanding series.
No better narrator than Michael Ferraiuolo, he never fails to entertain.
well worth the credit and your time to listen.

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  • Evelyn
  • 2021-04-04

I’ll keep coming back for more

I love this books! I’m truly pleased with Micheal F. narration. He has distinctive voices for each character that are just perfect!

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  • DJR
  • 2021-04-02

Absolutely hilarious

If this series was 10 books long, I would listen to every one. Alice Winters writes with such an extravagant sense of humor, yet its not stupid humor. And like Jackson said, Leland manages to charm everyone with his crazy, insane comments. I love how she made both MC's so very different yet meshed like broccoli and cheese. And that it was narrated by Michael F. was the icing. He brings life to every character and anticipates tone and effect perfectly.

Highly recommended

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  • Texan2
  • 2021-04-01

Laugh So Hard

This made me augh out loud till my sides hurt. Micheal is a true genius!

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  • SarahR
  • 2021-03-16

Love this series!

I love everything about this book! I love Jackson and Leland dynamic. The narrator did and awesome job bringing everyone to life

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  • Muse
  • 2021-03-13

The Hits Keep Coming - PLEASE MORE!

Home run writing. Great wit. Super narration. Good plot execution. It’s difficult to write a review of a book that anything said will spoil the fun, except wait for the sing-song during the car chase.

This is my all-time favorite series because Alice Winters does a tremendous job of taking an absurd hit man character, Leland, and his soon to be husband, Jackson, into a realm of humour, suspense, and overall fun. I listened to the entire story in a day and a half .... wanting more chapters.

Caution: one must read the first two books before reading this one.

Please Alice Winters, please write more about these wonderful characters ... and ensure Michael Ferraiuolo continues to do the outstanding narration.