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The Man's Guide to Women

Written by: John Gottman,Julie Schwartz Gottman,Douglas Abrams,Rachel Carlton Abrams
Narrated by: Eric Michael Summerer
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Publisher's Summary

A great "philosopher" once said, "Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color nine." But the fact is, men can understand women to their great benefit. All they need is the right teacher. And, arguably, there is no better teacher than John Gottman, PhD, a world-renowned relationships researcher and author of the best-selling 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work.

His new book, written with wife Julie Gottman, a clinical psychologist; Doug Abrams; and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, is based on 40 years of scientific study, much of it gleaned from the Gottmans' popular couples' workshops and the "love lab" at the University of Washington. It's written primarily for men because new research suggests that it is the man in a relationship who wields the most influence to make it great or screw it up beyond repair.

The Man's Guide to Women offers the science-based answers to the question: What do women really want in men? The book explains the hallmarks of manhood that most women find attractive and helps men hone those skills to be the men women desire.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying reference material will be available in your Library section along with the audio.

©2016 John Gottman, PhD, Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, Douglas Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD (P)2015 Audible, Inc.

What listeners say about The Man's Guide to Women

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Essential reading for all young men,

Preferably before he gets married, a young man should have this as required study. This would significantly improve men's mental health nationwide

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3 people found this helpful

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Real Life

I wish I had this book 35 years ago. Life with my wife may have been happier. Real Life applications for a long happy married life of understanding and trust.

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Issues with the last chapter

"Men are happier in marriages more than women" - I believe this book was referencing Paul Dolan's research which has been proven to be wrong https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2019/6/4/18650969/married-women-miserable-fake-paul-dolan-happiness

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Great book

I enjoyed the book. I described what I learned from this book to my female friends. They said that these lessons were spot on! I also liked the examples and stories they provided. I am going to listen to this book again.

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    2 out of 5 stars

It's for learners not teachers/clinicians

This is written directly to men, complete with tacky quotes and jokes. It's very basic and not for clinicians. It's not a teaching tool, it's a workbook for clients.

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  • Kaj
  • 2020-01-30

very helpful

I have read a number of books by John Gottman and the folks he works with. They have been pillars of success in the happiness of living my life

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Amazingly eye opening!!!

This is a book that Men, Women and even Teenagers should read.
Concepts are explained in a readily and easy way to understand the major subjects related to the differences between needs of the too Sexes and their expectations for a successful relationships in life.
Thank you.

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Insightful!

I really enjoyed this book. It contains information that is very practical and easy to apply to everyday life... although I see the hand of a Creator in the evidence of studying life. #Audible1

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Worth a listen

Definitely a lot of insight and useful advice to help understand your lady better. As long as you apply the advice given without losing who you are, I imagine most of what is being preached will benefit. Interesting to hear evolutionary perspectives as to why men and women (typically) behave the way that we do.

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Places women's happiness over men's happiness

This book essentially suggests that men should bend over backwards to please women, but does not discuss any sort of reciprocation when discussing the elements of a successful relationship. Basically the old "happy wife, happy life" trope. Sounds heavily influenced by the modern feminist narrative.

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  • Steve C
  • 2016-02-10

Great advice from the Love Lab again

If you want to develop your communication methods and create a stronger relationship, then this is an excellent choice. The term Zero and Hero are used often, and I like to think you might as well sum it up as how not to be an asshat. I was raised mostly by women and thought I had a decent grasp. This book tied together a lot of parts and pieces of the right things and behaviors floating about in my brain.

Even if you're in a good relationship you can still gain from the insights held within.

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  • GREGORY D SHANNON
  • 2016-10-10

Is there a "woman's guide to men"?

I thought the book was incredibly insightful but after listening to it I feel waited down with an overwhelming job that can never be met. I've made uneducated attempts to accomplish these things with two prior marriages but feel that just like this book describes all time, services, resources go from men to women I would like to hear if there's some sort of balance. It also seemed to me that the more I tried to provide these suggested tasks the higher the requirement became until there was nothing left of me except a spineless man surveying an endlessly demanding woman until I needed to escape to have any vestige of a life of my own where I had some control of my time, my resources, and my own goals.

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  • Søren
  • 2016-02-04

A book for women not so much for men.

What would have made The Man's Guide to Women better?

Instead of just focusing on explaining the woman which apparently can and can't be explained because sometimes alle women are the same and some times all women are completely different.

Would you ever listen to anything by the authors again?

Possibly.

What three words best describe Eric Michael Summerer’s performance?

He did a good job of sounding condescending to men

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Annoyance at being spoken down too most of the time. I found my self say yes, but stop talking to me like I am some sort of Neanderthal

Any additional comments?

This is a book for a self congratulating woman who like to be spoken of in the third person. I regret buying this book I got very little value out of it. The beginning was good I didn't mind what I thought was sarcasm, but as it continued on it got weary. After the way, way to short part about crazy women the book just went all in on women are wonderful no matter what. It did not make me understand women better. Rather it was a bucket list of behavior I should and should not do.

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  • J. Miles
  • 2018-01-03

ok book. not for longer married couples

first chapters give ok info. more for early in relationships not longer term married couples

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  • Alduan Tartt, PhD
  • 2016-11-25

We Want to Be Heroes For Our Wives

This book was a-mazing! As men, we are expected to know how to love women correctly for life but that is impossible,in my opinion, without some serious help. How can we understand women when they are so different? I think many men learn trial by fire and by failing and not understanding why or what went wrong. This book allows us to be heroes by studying up, reading up versus giving up and has practical steps to make us more empowered in relationships. Who really wants to fail in love?

This book will help men (us) to get it right or as close to right as possible. I will recommend this guide to every male friend, relative, mentee and even future sons-in-law so they have a proven guide to make their wives happy. Thank you Gottmans and Abrams!

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  • Nutsman
  • 2021-03-31

Wouldn't recommend this book to my three son's.

This book would have been recommended 4 or 5 decades ago. But with all the changes to our society, I can't and won't recommend this book to any young man. I heard in this book, how men need to step up, but I see no part of society asking women to do their part. Of all the young couples I see around me, I see the men carrying most of the load. Women are filling for divorce most of the time, and with no spousal infidelity, abuse. And where are the authors telling women they need to step up. There's not. Just crickets. If you want to train your boys to be there woman's emotional diaper give them this book. Just to let you know I have a daughter that means the world to me.

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  • Fanie
  • 2021-01-25

Not on the right track

Supplicating to woman won’t work. Work on yourself and strive for excellence. Make yourself your point of reference and take the ones you love with you.

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  • Andrea
  • 2017-04-25

Invaluable

Gottman is on his game with this one. It's not about what men do wrong, or about being ashamed of shortcomings- it's about reconciling differences and learning to be together. If you want a healthy relationship, if you want to know how healthy women operate, listen to this book for a guideline.

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  • Gordon
  • 2016-02-16

Not for Veterans

This book has great advice, but seems to be written with an audience in mind of those in the initial stages o my a relationship. I have been married for 7 years, though this was helpful, it was not intended for me.

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  • Nathaniel
  • 2019-10-08

This is the definitive guide to women

This is the best book a man can read right up there next to the Bible.
I say that, but even homosexual relationships could benefit from the knowledge herein.
This is hands down a must read for any man seeking a partner. I've read multiple other relationship books and even books on how to be a player and get laid bla bla bla. This trumps em all.

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