The State of Affairs
Rethinking Infidelity
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Narrated by:
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Esther Perel
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Written by:
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Esther Perel
About this listen
""A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books
From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.
For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.
Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
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Story: I am not going through an affair but I have in the past and am also very interested in people and relationships in general. The stories of real people were the most compelling to me, and she uses these examples throughout. Esther Perel describes unending possibilities for what a "marriage" truly is. She has many interesting thoughts about how the institution of marriage looks completely different through the lenses of different times and cultures. The messages focus on empowerment, reflection, and discovery. Nothing in this book will help you fix the past, but it might help you find a way to consider your past and plan for future in a way that is empowering, reflective, and honest.
Uncomfortable, compelling and insightful
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Listening to this book helped me become more clear about many things.
And I was able to share openly with my husband about them.
He was very receptive and I can’t thank this book enough.
Highly recommend!
Saved my marriage
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loved it
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Wonderful Listen
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Changed my view on affairs.
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