I'm doing everything I can to try not to convince you not to listen. Unless you like The Dead Milkmen. You don't have to listen. This is what we do. It's what we've done since the beginning. It's out of control. We don't write it, we do it live. F*cking thing sucks. So anyway- Welcome to "At Five in the Afternoon". Yeah, of course KM has prepared a handful of topics, but it's still a sh*tshow. Don't worry, the poetry is better than ever. "Exquisite" according to J. Andrews. Even DJ Colorado gets in on the reading action! It is a literary podcast, after all. Strap in, folks. You bought the ticket, now take the ride...

From the streets of New York... If you're not paying for our Patreon, you're not getting all the content of our cast. If you try to give us money on our Patreon, you're not going to find it. We don't need or want your money. In fact, we don't need or want you to listen. Especially when KM talks about taking a sh*t at work (and going back to the scene of the crime). "Wait, what?" Let's be honest, at some point, the artist Robert Mapplethorpe was probably a john, but he was definitely not a pornographer. Are you ready for our first poetry interlude, folks? Perfect, because we're not even halfway through this cast.

Seriously, you don't have to listen. So, anyways... In his attempt to be a hilarious a**hole, J somehow accomplished doing something heartfelt and meaningful. Special guest on this cast: Jim Gaffigan (kinda). Cool dude. Unfortunately, J decides to knock DJ Colorado down, but don't worry, she gets up again! If you ever wondered how adorable DJ Colorado is, she says "Caterpillar" when referring to the "The Human Centipede". Ok, let's get real- how would you rather die: Electrocution or Shark? Sorry I asked. It almost led to DJ Colorado's firing. Don't worry, it didn't take- she came back stronger than ever-"It's Electric!! (Boogie Oogie Oogie Oogie)"!! Trigger warning: KMD appreciates garbage art, but J & DJC hate being hungover so much that they can't find it in their hearts to appreciate third-rate comedies. At least we can all appreciate Esquivel! But not Adam Sandler movies. And yeah, there's plenty of poetry. And Puke Fumes...

You're in luck if you have water boarding, horse cum or night vision goggles on your podcast Bingo card! After that we just talk ship for a while. Hey kids! If you're looking for some easily accessible gateway drugs, we've got you covered. And for Patreon's only: J Andrews demonstrates how to dance like a flapper. Shout out to "My Brother".

Happy birthday to Plus-Sized Domino! Although she ends up saying Talking Heads, let's assume DJ Colorado was trying to say Kraftwerk. And let's assume that KM actually believes that Chief Keef killed Tupac. Rest in Power Jam Master Jay. All this talk of death is of course foreshadowing. It is a literary podcast, after all. It's not synchronicity, it's poetry. Check out and respect Doreen Ketchens, a local New Orleans treasure. This cast is dedicated to KM's grandma, Elaine.

"There is no death, only a changing of worlds."
- Chief Seattle

Welcome to our special guest, Moulin Rouge. And apologies to all the Eye-Talians out there. Fuhgettaboutit!!! Don't worry, J will stop yelling and poetry will come to the forefront, but then he will make everyone turn against him, including Nina. From his voice during his first reading, it's obvious KM has no memory of this cast. Look up a clock and do the mathematical equation. Hard to become a cult leader when you used to be in a cult. Tink tink, tink tink! For the record, our Mexican guest brought up the skinheads. Now sit down and shut up- you're back in History class! It's J Andrews' Big Adventure! Keep listening to find out if there's a basement in the Alamo. Actually, stop listening. DJ Colorado definitely did. But that doesn't stop her from being the greatest DJ of all time!!! Carnival!!!! Death!!! Death!!! God bless Trumpet! And for DJ Colorado: The shut up count ended at 10.

"I never did like this f@cking planet anyways." -d.a.levy. And yes, you CAN get pregnant from pre-cast. Carnival continues! Come join us to celebrate Bacchus on February 11th! Mad respect to Chewbacchus. Let's be honest though, parades are only enjoyable on drugs. And now for a shameless self-promotion from J. Andrews. It is a literary podcast, after all. The Year of Bacchus by J. Andrews is on the way! Pre-order at PornHub.com/AtFiveInTheAfternoon for 20% more on the first edition. Fight commerce by ordering early, or else just become a pirate, but before you make a decision, wait for J to explain to you his answer to world peace! So now that that's solved, let's hear about DJ Colorado seeing Nirvana live. Okay, but even they couldn't Beat jazz- just ask Jack...

If you haven't seen Goodfellas, go f*ck yourself. J. Andrews is way too flamboyant. "'Hello Gub'na!" J. wants to tell you about his feelings. Who's your daddy? Welcome to the neighborhood! DJ Colorado almost kills KM Douglas, but he deserves it because he's poor. Visit SpiritAirlines.com/KMDouglas! (For 20% MORE on all domestic flights). What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? DJ Colorado gets fired! Sports corner! Then she gets re-hired. Then a bathroom break. Be patient, J still has a story to tell! Cheers! (Poetry to follow). Eventually....