Showing results by narrator "Arte Johnson" in All Categories

Abandoned by their ill-humored parents to the care of an odious nanny, Tim, the twins, Barnaby A and Barnaby B, and their sister, Jane, attempt to fulfill their roles as good old-fashioned children.

In this sweeping, threaded narrative of the global phenomenon known as the Vampire Wars, mankind is unwittingly infected by a millennia-old bacteria unknowingly exhumed by a scientific expedition in Antarctica. Now, in some rare cases, a person’s so-called junk DNA becomes activated. Depending on their racial and ethnic heritage, they begin to manifest one of the many diverse forms of the "others" that are the true basis for the legends of supernatural creatures. These aren’t your usual vampires and werewolves - it goes much deeper than that.

Breathtaking suspense, cold-blooded crime and challenging twists of plot make this collection a chilling audio experience. Featuring the finest short story mystery fiction by the most acclaimed writers, past and present, including: "The Perfect Crime" by Ben Ray Redman, "Quitters, Inc. by Stephen King, "High Darktown" by James Ellroy, "Yours Truly, Jack the Ripper" by Robert Bloch, "Clerical Error" by James Gould Cozzens, "The Gettysburg Bugle" by Ellery Queen, and more....

Andrew Yancy - late of the Miami Police and soon-to-be-late of the Monroe County sheriff’s office - has a human arm in his freezer. There’s a logical (Hiaasenian) explanation for that, but not for how and why it parted from its shadowy owner. Yancy thinks the boating-accident/shark-luncheon explanation is full of holes, and if he can prove murder, the sheriff might rescue him from his grisly Health Inspector gig (it’s not called the roach patrol for nothing). But first - this being Hiaasen country - Yancy must negotiate an obstacle course of wildly unpredictable events with a crew of even more wildly unpredictable characters.

Much of Richard Matheson's work has found its way into pop culture: The title story became a memorable episode of television's The Twilight Zone, and more recently, Will Smith starred in the blockbuster movie I Am Legend. Stephen King has declared Matheson to be one of his favorite writers. Find out why as you listen to the classic horror story of a man who peers out of his airplane window to see a gremlin destroying the wing.

What do best-selling writers Sue Grafton, Danielle Steel, and Tom Clancy all have in common? They’ve all been shockingly murdered in a manner both gruesome and appropriate to their style. Now, an extremely paranoid Stephen King is convinced that he will be the next victim....

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Drawing upon everyday incidents, common situations, and rural imagery, Robert Frost fashioned poetry of great lyrical beauty and potent symbolism. His language is simple, clear, and colloquial, yet dense with meaning and wider significance.

The polls indicate that 60 percent of Americans are "upset or angry" about this land in which we now live - a land where crooked courts select the president and money rules the day. If you're feeling the same way, here's the book for you. Michael Moore, the award-winning provocateur behind Roger & Me, returns to size up the new century - and that big, ugly special-interest group that's laying waste to the world as we know it: stupid white men.

In a not-too-distant future that is not quite ours, there has been a major scientific breakthrough. It is a way to open windows into the past, permitting historical researchers to view, but not participate, in the events of the past.

In one of the most powerful and thought-provoking novels of his remarkable career, Orson Scott Card interweaves a compelling portrait of Christopher Columbus with the story of a future scientist who believes she can alter human history from a tragedy of bloodshed and brutality to a world filled with hope and healing.

Now is not the time to start that fitness program! Instead, laugh along with humorist Dave Barry as he debunks, demotivates, and delights on the subject of fitness. Hear his inimitable views on exercise ("the best time would be the first thing after Easter, but not the one coming up"), weights ("big-time lifters have turned into 400-pound hairy sweaty shapeless grunting masses of tissue. And the men are even worse"), and much more.

Ever miss a prime opportunity for a snappy comeback or a perfect putdown? We all have, kicking ourselves later when we think of what we could have said. The well-aimed insult was never in better shape than when Shakespeare mastered the art of defining dramatic conflict with rapier wit rather than swordplay.

Meet Patch Adams, M.D., the revolutionary doctor who has challenged the foundations of modern medicine not only by making healthcare personal, but also by making it free. This extraordinary story was made into a major motion picture starring Robin Williams as Patch Adams.

A collection of coast-to-coast murder and mayham, including these unabridged short stories: "Vaudeville" by Whitley Strieber, read by Roddy McDowell; "Lucky Day" by Mary Higgins Clark, read by Betsy Palmer; "Starstruck" by Jon A. Breen, read by James Stacy; "Snookered" by Gerald Tomlinson, read by David Birney; "It Was Bad Enough" by Ron Goulart, read by Arte Johnson and Gee Whiz; "My Lovely" by Betty Buchanan, read by Joan Rivers. 

Bad Dogs Have More Fun is an unforgettable collection of more that 75 newspaper columns by John Grogan, the number-one New York Times best-selling author of Marley & Me. Combining humor, wit, poignancy and affection, these columns provide insight into the intriguing and wonderful world we live in.

Today's Generation iY (teens brought up with the Internet) and Homelanders (children born after 9/11) are overexposed to information at an earlier age than ever and paradoxically are underexposed to meaningful relationships and real-life experiences. Artificial Maturity addresses the problem of what to do when parents and teachers mistake children's superficial knowledge for real maturity. The audiobook is filled with practical steps that adults can take to furnish the experiences kids need to balance their abilities with authentic maturity.

Phileas Fogg, a British gentleman of independent means, bets his companions that he can travel around the entire world in just 80 days. He is determined not to lose the bet, no matter what obstacles arise - and they do arise! 

It all starts here: The thrilling story of Steve Bixton's first case. Our hero has a national treasure to recover, a criminal mastermind to unmask, and a social studies report due Monday -- all while on the run from cops, thugs, and secret-agent librarians.

When 12-year-old detective Steve Brixton gets a call that the Fairview diamond has gone missing, there are only two things to do: grab his new business cards and take the case! But Steve quickly learns there’s an even bigger mystery afoot. MacArthur Bart, a.k.a. Steve’s hero, a.k.a. the author of the Bailey Brothers Mysteries series, has been kidnapped! With the man who taught him everything he knows about sleuthing in trouble, Steve and his best chum, Dana, know they must stage a daring rescue....

Without bothering to get approval from the President, the State Department, or even the FTC, Dave Barry's publishers sent him to Tokyo. You'd think they would have known better. Now the word is Barry has set back our diplomatic relations with the whole Pacific Rim by a couple of decades. Japanese culture, dining, sport, and industry all come under Barry's relentless scrutiny.

Retired private detective and current seventh grader Steve Brixton has a new career: taking out the garbage on Wednesdays for five bucks a week. But it’s hard to leave the old game behind, and on a train trip down the California coast, Steve finds himself pulled back into sleuthing. Soon he’s in over his head in four feet and eleven inches of mystery involving a fleet of priceless automobiles, a deadly assassin (or maybe just a faulty lock on a sauna door), and a secret train car filled with intrigue. Plus there’s a girl involved, which complicates everything.