Showing results by narrator "Arte Johnson"

In this sweeping, threaded narrative of the global phenomenon known as the Vampire Wars, mankind is unwittingly infected by a millennia-old bacteria unknowingly exhumed by a scientific expedition in Antarctica. Now, in some rare cases, a person’s so-called junk DNA becomes activated. Depending on their racial and ethnic heritage, they begin to manifest one of the many diverse forms of the "others" that are the true basis for the legends of supernatural creatures. These aren’t your usual vampires and werewolves - it goes much deeper than that.

Without bothering to get approval from the President, the State Department, or even the FTC, Dave Barry's publishers sent him to Tokyo. You'd think they would have known better. Now the word is Barry has set back our diplomatic relations with the whole Pacific Rim by a couple of decades. Japanese culture, dining, sport, and industry all come under Barry's relentless scrutiny.

In a not-too-distant future that is not quite ours, there has been a major scientific breakthrough. It is a way to open windows into the past, permitting historical researchers to view, but not participate, in the events of the past.

In one of the most powerful and thought-provoking novels of his remarkable career, Orson Scott Card interweaves a compelling portrait of Christopher Columbus with the story of a future scientist who believes she can alter human history from a tragedy of bloodshed and brutality to a world filled with hope and healing.

A collection of coast-to-coast murder and mayham, including these unabridged short stories: "Vaudeville" by Whitley Strieber, read by Roddy McDowell; "Lucky Day" by Mary Higgins Clark, read by Betsy Palmer; "Starstruck" by Jon A. Breen, read by James Stacy; "Snookered" by Gerald Tomlinson, read by David Birney; "It Was Bad Enough" by Ron Goulart, read by Arte Johnson and Gee Whiz; "My Lovely" by Betty Buchanan, read by Joan Rivers. 

Today's Generation iY (teens brought up with the Internet) and Homelanders (children born after 9/11) are overexposed to information at an earlier age than ever and paradoxically are underexposed to meaningful relationships and real-life experiences. Artificial Maturity addresses the problem of what to do when parents and teachers mistake children's superficial knowledge for real maturity. The audiobook is filled with practical steps that adults can take to furnish the experiences kids need to balance their abilities with authentic maturity.

Intrigue, crime, and murder create suspense in this edge-of-your-seat collection of cat mystery stories whose plots are all centered on a beloved feline, written by some of the finest, best-selling mystery writers of all time.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Drawing upon everyday incidents, common situations, and rural imagery, Robert Frost fashioned poetry of great lyrical beauty and potent symbolism. His language is simple, clear, and colloquial, yet dense with meaning and wider significance.

The young street urchin Hissune gets his due for helping Lord Valentine regain his throne. As a reward, he is sent into the depths of the Labyrinth, a massive library of memory cubes in which the entire history of Majipoor is preserved. As Hissune prepares for a summons to return to Castle Mount, he relives the lives of Majipoor's most famous and notorious inhabitants.

Dr. Becky Sorenson has found a cache of frogs with a very high mutation rate...and some odd behaviors. Dr. David Carter’s core earth samples seem to indicate the next polar reversal will be worse than predicted. And CDC researchers Jordan and Jillian are looking at a strange new disease. When the four scientists delve deeper, they discover they are all looking at the leading edge of a sweeping magnetic polar reversal. As humanity ignores their increasingly panicked warnings, the scientists will have to fight to save everyone...if they even can.

Abandoned by their ill-humored parents to the care of an odious nanny, Tim, the twins, Barnaby A and Barnaby B, and their sister, Jane, attempt to fulfill their roles as good old-fashioned children.

Andrew Yancy - late of the Miami Police and soon-to-be-late of the Monroe County sheriff’s office - has a human arm in his freezer. There’s a logical (Hiaasenian) explanation for that, but not for how and why it parted from its shadowy owner. Yancy thinks the boating-accident/shark-luncheon explanation is full of holes, and if he can prove murder, the sheriff might rescue him from his grisly Health Inspector gig (it’s not called the roach patrol for nothing). But first - this being Hiaasen country - Yancy must negotiate an obstacle course of wildly unpredictable events with a crew of even more wildly unpredictable characters.

Meet Patch Adams, M.D., the revolutionary doctor who has challenged the foundations of modern medicine not only by making healthcare personal, but also by making it free. This extraordinary story was made into a major motion picture starring Robin Williams as Patch Adams.

Breathtaking suspense, cold-blooded crime and challenging twists of plot make this collection a chilling audio experience. Featuring the finest short story mystery fiction by the most acclaimed writers, past and present, including: "The Perfect Crime" by Ben Ray Redman, "Quitters, Inc. by Stephen King, "High Darktown" by James Ellroy, "Yours Truly, Jack the Ripper" by Robert Bloch, "Clerical Error" by James Gould Cozzens, "The Gettysburg Bugle" by Ellery Queen, and more....

Much of Richard Matheson's work has found its way into pop culture: the title story became a memorable episode of television's The Twilight Zone, and more recently, Will Smith starred in the blockbuster movie I Am Legend. Stephen King has declared Matheson to be one of his favorite writers. Find out why as you listen to the classic horror story of a man who peers out of his airplane window to see a gremlin destroying the wing.

If you think the wildest, wackiest stories that Carl Hiaasen can tell have all made it into his hilarious, best-selling novels, think again. Dance of the Reptiles collects the best of Hiaasen's Miami Herald columns, which lay bare the stories - large and small - that demonstrate anew that truth is far stranger than fiction. Hiaasen offers his commentary - indignant, disbelieving, sometimes righteously angry, and frequently hilarious - on burning issues like animal welfare, polluted rivers, and the broken criminal justice system as well as the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, Bernie Madoff's trial, and the shenanigans of the recent presidential elections.

"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a quitter," Russell Baker's mother always said. Baker certainly never quit - in fact, this fantastic journalist's Pulitzer Prize-winning column appears twice a week in The New York Times. This book, his second autobiographical volume, describes the rewarding stages of his career and his encounters with John F. Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Eugene McCarthy, and other major figures. All the wit, perceptiveness, and poignant humor that has graced his column for many years comes through in this engaging memoir.

When Dave Barry writes funny, you write back. And when you write funny, Dave Barry talks back! Pulitzer Prize-winning author and columnist Dave Barry gets more response from readers than any other writer in the United States. And now the absolute best of Dave Barry is available, complete with those items sent in by Dave's legion of Alert Readers all across the country. But Dave Barry doesn't only talk back to readers. He talks back to traffic cops, dentists, doctors, Congress, and his very dumb dogs.

Arriving home at dawn after another failed burglary, John Dortmunder - the anti-hero of Donald Westlake's popular comic crime series - is shocked to find his apartment occupied by a notorious cellmate everyone had supposed (and hoped) had been jailed for life.

Better than CliffsNotes, funnier than Monarch Notes, and shorter than the originals - here is a collection of all the best sellers you've heard about! Includes: "The Fridges of Marin County": a hip California housewife finds brief happiness in the arms of an Iowa refrigerator; "Embarrassed by the Light": a guide for people who are self-conscious about near-death experiences; "Iron Tom": help your neutered cat regain his masculinity; and more!

From the grand old man of comedy, George Burns to the up-to-the minute observations of today's everyman, Dave Barry, these great humorists share one thing in common: their very individual, often raucously funny perception of the world around them. Laugh and enjoy!