Riftside

I wanted to be an adventurer. I ended up the pack mule for a psychopathic hammer.

My name is Ash. I’m a scavenger, a blacksmith’s apprentice, and, according to the voice in my head, a "calcium-based biped with poor taste in pillows."

All I wanted was to clear my family’s debt and secure a future in Dawnwatch, the frontier town guarding the rift. Maybe even become an adventurer. But when a dungeon run went wrong, I didn’t just find loot. I found the motherload. A Soul Gem worth a kingdom.

Instead of doing the smart thing and selling the gem, I forged it into a powerful Soul Weapon, one which could make me into something far greater than I’d ever thought possible.

Only, I ended up with Roq. A modified smith’s hammer. He can crush armor, heal my wounds, and hit harder than a runaway horse. In some ways he is the ultimate weapon.

But he’s also a complete diva who demands blood sacrifices, screams about his magnificence, and refuses to sleep on anything less than satin.

Now, I have to find a way to slay enough monsters to keep him fed and become strong enough to protect those I care about.

All while arguing with a tool that thinks he’s the main character.

“Excuse you? 'Thinks' he is the main character? I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER! You are merely a transportation system! Listen to me, flesh-sacks. Buy this book. Experience my glory through your eye-balls or ear-holes. Witness the destruction of the Titanfang! And if you don't leave a 5-star review, I will find out where you live and I will... wait, Ash, don't you dare close the descript—"

...Ignore him. Just buy the book. Please. I need money for more satin pillows and pie.