Why isn't setting sexual intentions a thing?

You set goals for your career, health, finances, relationships. But your sex life? That's supposed to just... happen naturally?

That's bullshit. Everything that matters requires intention. That includes your sex life.

In this episode, Stacey walks you through how to set sexual intentions that actually mean something —not vague wishes, but real, specific intentions you can act on.

In this episode:

• Why setting sexual intentions is a great idea

• Questions you should ask yourself

• Knowing what you control vs. what needs partner buy-in

• Pitfalls and ways you could f*ck it up

Download the worksheet.

Willing to share? Pop over to Substack. And share one of your intentions. Because when you say it out loud, even to strangers on the internet, it becomes more real.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This is the final episode in our 6-part series on erectile dysfunction.

Over the past five weeks, we've talked about the weight, the mechanics, the conversations, what partners experience, and sex beyond erections. But we haven't talked about… wanting.

One casualty of ED is desire. You stop letting yourself want. No fantasizing or anticipation. No imagining or longing. You disconnect from this part of yourself because wanting something you don't think you can have feels too painful.

But when you disconnect from desire to protect yourself from disappointment, you don't just lose sex. You lose something essential —aliveness.

In this episode, Stacey explores how to let yourself want again.

In this episode:

• How shutting down sexual desire bleeds all over your life

• The difference between arousal and desire

• Gifting yourself permission to want

• Desire in its most valid form is to "own the wanting."

You don't need a body that works like it used to. You just need to let yourself feel again.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Most of us learned that sex = penetration. Everything else? Foreplay. Warmup. Extra. But that model is outdated, limiting, and honestly? It's been sidelining everyone's pleasure for way too long.

But you should know that a soft penis is a functional penis. Soft penises can give pleasure and receive pleasure. And when you decentralize erections, a world of pleasure opens up.

In this episode, Stacey gets explicit about what sex can look like when penetration isn't on the menu—not as a consolation prize, but as genuinely satisfying, delicious sex.

In this episode:

• Why de-centering erections improves pleasure for all

• Shifting from goal-oriented to pleasure-oriented sex

• Delicious examples of what sex can look like with or without an erection

This isn't settling. It's expansion.

Next week: Part 6, the last episode in this series. Reclaiming desire and starting anew.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This is Part 4 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. This week: the partner experience.

When ED happens, all the attention goes to the person experiencing it. Pills, supplements, clinics—there's an entire industry ready to help. But if you're the partner? There's nothing. No marketing. No acknowledgment. Just an expectation to be supportive and not make it worse.

Partners suffer too. And they're Googling in secret, trying to find answers to questions they don't know how to ask out loud.

In this episode, Stacey digs into what partners are actually searching for, what they're feeling, and what they can do. If you're experiencing ED, this episode is for you, too, because understanding what your partner is going through changes everything.

In this episode:

• The top 4 things partners Google about ED

• Why partners feel invisible when ED happens

• Questions to ask yourself if you're considering divorce

• What to actually say and do when ED is weighing your relationship down

Next week: Part 5. Sex beyond erections. It's going to be explicit.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This is Part 3 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. This week: the conversation.

Less than 60% of men experiencing ED talk about it with their partners. That means more than half are keeping it to themselves—and silence creates distance.

In this episode, Stacey shares two contrasting stories: one where pretending ruined the experience, and one where honesty created intimacy from the start. Then she breaks down how to actually have the conversation.

In this episode:

• When and where to talk about ED (hint: not right after it happens)

• What to say and what not to say

• Expanding your definition of sex

Talking about it won't fix the ED, but it takes the pressure off. But once you name it, you liberate yourself.

Next week: Part 4. The partner experience and the questions they're secretly Googling.

Resources + References:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12152114/

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This is Part 2 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. This week, we're exploring the mechanics of erection.

Many penis owners do not know how their body works below the belt. Not because they're uninformed, but because nobody ever taught them. So when erection challenges arise with no obvious explanation, it's easy to assume you're just broken.

In this episode, Stacey breaks down how erections work and what interferes with the process—psychological, physical, and everything in between.

In this episode:

• The physiology of erections (and why it's not as simple as it seems)

• The connection between psychological and physical ED

• What can interfere: cardiovascular issues, medications, nervous system, pelvic floor, and conditioning

Understanding the mechanics isn't a fix, but it gives context. Because it's easier to work with things you understand.

Next week: Part 3. How to talk about ED with your partner.

Resources + References:

https://youtu.be/52vH6gDUVI8?si=4sXtUCB5O9PrjC9R

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22000-pudendal-nerve

https://www.webmd.com/men/what-is-corpora-cavernosa

https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/tunica-albuginea

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This is Part 1 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. Not the mechanics or the fixes —we'll get to that later. This episode is about the part nobody talks about… the emotional weight.

In this episode, Stacey explores what it feels like to live in a body that's changed. The heartbreak and the inconvenience. The way masculinity gets hitched to erections.

In this episode:

• The pressure to maintain an erection

• 3 ED archetypes: pretenders, withdrawals, and searchers

• Why ED feels lonely despite billions of targeted ads

• How shame keeps men from speaking up

Resources + References:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5503428/

https://academic.oup.com/jsm/article-abstract/21/4/296/7614307

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

In this episode, Stacey explores the rejection stories we tell ourselves and how they affect our sex lives.

She shares a story about a boundary violation that turned cruel and breaks down why we make every 'no' about our worth. How do we separate someone's no from our self-worth? And how fear of rejection gets in the way of leaning in.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/