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A single line sparked the conversation: the life you want is on the other side of the work you’re avoiding. From that starting point, we unpack what actually turns insight into movement and why so many smart plans stall before they start. We talk candidly about initiating energy—the force that begins things—and how non‑initiators can find it without trying to become someone they’re not, while initiators learn to temper speed with care so progress doesn’t cost connection.

We get practical about fear, procrastination, and the inner monologue that either blocks or enables action. You’ll hear how to locate past moments of initiation and reuse that feeling, why accountability matters more than another goal sheet, and how to balance compassion with structure so your emotions inform your choices without running them. We explore the common dynamic where logic wins the argument but loses the relationship, the power of listening without fixing, and the value of inviting honest feedback—complete with a “court jester” who can safely tell you where you’re veering off track.

For leaders and high‑drive personalities, we spotlight early signals of burnout, the trap of turning self‑care into a to‑do list, and the discipline of tuning into the body as data. We also examine the shadow side of relentless initiation—control, isolation, and missed human moments—alongside its world‑shaping potential, from innovation to cultural breakthroughs. The real project is integration: blending initiator, responder, stabilizer, and transformer energies so you can finish what matters, release what doesn’t, and move forward with integrity.

If this conversation helps you see your next step, share it with a friend, subscribe for more, and leave a quick review to tell us what you’ll start—or stop—this week.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

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Ambition can build bridges or burn them—so how do you keep the fire without scorching your team or your relationships? We dive into the Initiator, a personality expression defined by dynamic masculine energy: goal-first, action-forward, and relentlessly independent. Think founders, crisis leaders, and the people who move when everyone else hesitates. We unpack the real strengths—decisiveness, clarity, and momentum—alongside the predictable blind spots: shallow listening, impatience with process, and a tendency to miss relational cues until it’s too late.

Across the conversation, we map clear signals of Initiator energy and explain why others often “ride the wake” of strong leaders, outsourcing risk and then resenting the outcome. We get honest about projection—how teams and communities crown Initiators as heroes, then flip them into villains when reality fails to match fantasy. You’ll hear practical ways to avoid the bait, hold boundaries with both praise and criticism. If you’ve ever wondered why people stop “hearing” you when you push hard, or why applause can turn to anger overnight, this breakdown will help you read the room and adjust without losing momentum.

We also talk about reclaiming agency if you’re not a natural Initiator. Instead of latching onto someone else’s drive, learn to spark your own small acts of initiation—send the draft, start the hobby, set the micro‑goal—so you build courage and reduce dependency. And for Initiators trying to grow, we share simple listening tactics that don’t stall the project. The result is sustainable leadership, teams that feel heard, and relationships that don’t get sacrificed for the next win.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who leads hard and loves harder, and leave a review so more listeners can find us.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

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We unpack the Responder style—how nurturing brings safety and connection, and how over-functioning turns love into control. You’ll hear the difference between static care that over-plans every risk and dynamic care that adapts in the moment. We talk through the classic attraction dance: why unintegrated Responders often choose highly driven, aggressive partners, how dependency erodes respect, and where emotional or even physical abuse can take root. Instead of pathologizing care or ambition, we focus on integration—reclaiming voice, boundaries, and presence so giving stays generous rather than controlling.

• responder as nurture, safety and acceptance
• when responsibility crowds out spontaneity and joy
• static versus dynamic expressions of personality
• overfunctioning care as smothering and control
• underfunctioning care as neglect and abandonment
• attraction to aggressive partners and abuse risk
• reframing self-care beyond performance and goals
• mistaken beliefs, midlife reevaluation and guilt
• naming narcissistic motives hidden in giving
• core responder traits and common pitfalls
• why teams need the responder’s present-moment voice
• simple steps to expand healthy self-care

If responsibility has swallowed your spontaneity, or if your caring has become a cage, this conversation will help you find the middle path—where safety, joy, and presence can coexist.

If you're enjoying the podcast, we'd love for you to follow, rate, or share it with someone who might appreciate it as well

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

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Ever been the life of the party—and then felt the crash after? We dig into the “dynamic feminine” energy: the magnetic spark that says the unsaid, generates fun, and moves people forward, but can also ignore limits, dodge accountability, and create chaos when it runs the show. Together, we map where this energy shines at work and at home, and where it needs a counterbalance to sustain trust, health, and momentum. We call this person The Transformer.

We start with a real-world story: a caring high school librarian who finally set a clear boundary with the cleaning crew and then felt waves of guilt. That moment becomes a blueprint for integration—how to use a different energy than your default and process the feelings that follow. From there, we zoom out to childhood and parenting: the dynamic kid who tests limits, the well-meaning parent who overcorrects, and the role awareness plays in shaping a child’s range instead of shrinking it. We also unpack why the dynamic feminine often pairs with more static partners, what makes that pairing powerful, and how it frays when spontaneity slides into excess.

Therapy enters when crisis forces a pause. We talk enabling, ultimatums that actually help, and the difference between performative boldness and the quieter bold move of consistency. For thrill-seekers, structure is brave. For planners, spontaneity is the edge. You’ll hear practical ways to identify who balances you, borrow their strengths without outsourcing your growth, and build solo joy that isn’t about an audience. Expect clear phrases you can use—like naming a “bold move”—and concrete rituals for pausing before you overshare, overdrink, or overpromise.

By the end, you’ll have a simple framework to navigate energy in relationships, parenting, and work. You’ll know when to let your transformer lead—and when to hand the mic to the part of you that plans, listens, or holds the line. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs both spark and steadiness, and leave a review to help others find it.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

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Episode 7: The Four Personality Styles

We continue the discussion of personality. We propose that there are four aspects or expressions of personality. Those four aspects include a dynamic energy, a static (or stabilizing) energy, a feminine expression and a masculine expression. These combine to create four different personality types. Most everyone has within them the possibility of accessing any of these types, though there is typically a dominant type.

The four types are as follows:

1. The combination of dynamic energy and masculine expression we refer to as The Initiator.

2. The combination of static energy and feminine expression we refer to as The Responder.

3. The combination of static energy and masculine expression we refer to as The Stabilizer.

4. The combination of dynamic energy and feminine expression we refer to as The Transformer.

Characteristics and traits of The Initiator:

-Sees a problem and moves to solve it.

-Looks for results, not consensus building.

-Oriented toward movement, action and resolution.

-Very individualistic, create a new path, break away.

-Others will often ride on the wake of The Initiator’s energy.

-They pay little attention to the negativity of others.

This is described as a masculine expression, but that does not mean “male.” Everyone has this type or expression within them. It can be a dominant expression or a recessive expression, but it is accessible to most all.

Characteristics of The Responder:

-They care, protect, meet needs.

-They often overthink.

-Care for the human spirit.

-There is a natural attraction between The Initiator and The Responder.

-Often exhausted because they have spent their life giving to others.

This is described as a feminine expression, but that does not mean “female.” Everyone has this type or expression within them. It can be a dominant expression or a recessive expression, but it is accessible to most all.

Characteristics of The Stabilizer:

-Love rules and regulations.

-Bring order to chaos.

-Often misinterpreted as controlling.

-Bring balance to The Transformer and The Initiator.

-They tend toward perfectionism.

-Outstanding at providing structure or systems.

Characteristics of The Transformer:

-Intuitive, creative, visionary.

-Don’t naturally consider the cost of the creative vision.

-Spontaneous, insightful, see the possibilities.

-Open to new experiences.

-Fun, often the life of the party, with few filters.

-Life is one big experiment.

-Natural attraction between The Transformer and The Stabilizer.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

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Feminine, masculine and androgynous characteristics are in every person. This is not a description of male versus female. Rather it is an acknowledgement that human personality has a broad spectrum of expression, and we might benefit greatly from better understanding of those parts of ourselves that dominate our personality and those parts that have remained undeveloped.

Cohosts Dee Kelley and Jim Shalley provide some pathways for understanding and growth. Here are some of the issues they cover.

1. Each person should use language that fits their journey. We provide some categories and labels for certain personality expressions, but feel free to use labels that make the most sense to you. Personalize it.

2. The masculine energy is about accomplishment, and the feminine energy is about relationships. The masculine side knows what needs to be said, the feminine side will tell you how to say it tactfully.

3. The blind spot of the masculine is that regardless of what it does to people, they are going to do it. The blind spot of the feminine is to postpone a decision because it is going to hurt someone.

4. The divisions in our individual lives are reflected in the divisions in our families. And the divisions in our families are reflected in the divisions of our culture. If we want the culture or world to heal, we must first do our own inner work.

5. STIR: Stabilizer / Transformer / Initiator / Responder. These are the four personality styles. Stabilizer is both a static energy and masculine expression. Transformer is both a dynamic energy and feminine expression. Initiator is both a dynamic energy and masculine expression. The Responder is both a static energy and feminine expression.

6. The Transformer and Stabilizer have a natural attraction. The Initiator and Responder have a natural attraction. The challenge is to realize that we are attracted to the undeveloped traits in ourselves. An important pathway of growth is to explore and nurture the undeveloped traits within.

7. Stay curious.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

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This episode explores the dynamic and static components of our personality. Cohosts Dee Kelley and Jim Shalley provide useful examples of how these different styles complement one another and antagonize one another. Some of the key points include the following:

1. A dynamic energy or style is typically action-oriented, creating movement and change. A static energy or style organizes, puts systems in place and manages.

2. A person who has an overtly static personality will often come to therapy because of unhappiness. A person who has an overtly dynamic personality will typically come to therapy because they have screwed something up.

3. In the midst of a conflict, the dynamic energy wants to move forward, while the static energy wants to talk about the hurt.

4. “Stop and smell the roses” is the challenge for the dynamic personality style. The static personality is consumed with responsibility and predictability. The challenge for the static style is spontaneity. Everyone benefits from getting in touch with the “undeveloped side” of themselves.

5. What you find attractive in others often tells you what lacks development in yourself. Therefore, dynamic is often attracted to static, and static is often attracted to dynamic.

6. The integrated self balances the dynamic and static styles within.

7. One of the most important components of a healthy relationship is validation, which in many ways is a combination of trust and mutual respect.

8. In a relationship, consider shifting from an oppositional posture in your communication, to a posture where you intentionally learn from one another.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

The cohosts present the Stabilizer personality style, referred to as a static-masculine energy. Everyone has this within them. For some it is dormant and rarely accessed, and for others it is their dominant style. This style is discussed, both in its healthy form and in it dysfunctional form. It is also compared to the other three styles (Initiator, Transformer and Responder). Here are some of the key issues discussed.

1. What is your natural style and is it still working for you?

2. The healthy journey usually takes us to a balance between the different styles, and leads to the ability to draw on different energies or styles when the situation calls for them.

3. The “masculine” moniker does not refer to males. The Initiating energy can be dominant in any gender. The “static” moniker simply means that there is a tendency to organize and put systems in place rather than to be constantly innovating and moving toward action and accomplishment (the dynamic energy).

4. The dysfunctional Initiator can be dictatorial, and often misses out on other valuable viewpoints.

5. Do you want to be right or do you want to be in relationship? This is the question the masculine energy should often ask of one’s self.

6. You are often more married to the trait that protects you from being hurt than you are to the person with whom you are in relationship.

7. When stress levels go up, we retreat to those patterns that are most familiar, even if they are dysfunctional.

8. Where do your protective mechanisms get formed? Usually in your family of origin.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)