Bill of the Dead

My name’s Bill Ryder. Five years ago, I helped banish magic and monsters to the shadows. I thought it was over, that I was finished with all that supernatural crap. Turns out I was dead wrong. Now the impossible has happened. My goddaughter is conjuring fireballs, I’m seeing ghosts, and two vampires have shown up at my doorstep looking to kick my ass. Seems a group of deranged wizards are hell-bent on reopening the doorway between worlds, once more unleashing unspeakable horrors upon humanity, and they think I hold the secret for how to make it happen.

My name’s Bill Ryder and I’m having a hell of a week. Magic is back, my new roommate is a blob of yellow snot, and my friend Sally has been entombed alive in solid rock. Oh, and I’m dead again, or undead anyway. Life’s not quite finished taking a dump on me yet, though, because now something is hunting vampires in New York City. A smarmy-ass wizard has been called in to investigate – one who’s got a closet full of skeletons and eyes for my girlfriend.

Ed Vesser feels trapped by his life - literally. He’s being held prisoner by a would-be world conqueror. All he wants is to escape back to his fiancé, assuming she doesn’t dump his ass when she finds out he’s a vampire. Serena Taylor’s a witch with a knack for technomancy - using her magic to help deliver unreal profit margins. Too bad she’ll need to put in some overtime thanks to long-lost dryads and undead goons breathing down her neck.

My name’s Bill Ryder and, oddly enough, my lack of heartbeat is probably the least concerning thing in my life. My witch girlfriend has been marked for death by a vampire temptress who wants me for herself. With both sides spoiling for a fight, the chances of them talking out their problems over lunch are slim. While I’d love to help smooth things over, I’ve been way too distracted dealing with evil leprechauns and redneck werewolves.

My name’s Bill Ryder and, despite being a legendary creature of the night, I’m not having the best of days. My girlfriend is trapped in another dimension, my apartment’s being staked out by werewolves, and to top it all off I’m flat freaking broke. Too bad there’s no rest for the wicked. Monstrous beasts of biblical proportions have been unleashed upon the world, leaving me with a mighty big question. How the hell is one poor-ass vamp supposed to stop something the size of a battleship?