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You Are the One You've Been Waiting For
- Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships
- Narrated by: Martin LaGrande, Mike Berlak
- Length: 6 hrs and 10 mins
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Publisher's Summary
A groundbreaking approach for practicing courageous love and resilient intimacy—from the creator of Internal Family Systems therapy
Do loving relationships end because couples lack communication skills, struggle to empathize, and fail to accommodate each other’s needs? That’s a common belief within and outside of the therapeutic world… but what if it’s all wrong? In You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For, Dr. Richard Schwartz, the celebrated founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, offers a new way—a path toward courageous love that replaces the striving, dependent, and disconnected approach to solving relationship challenges.
The breakthrough realization of IFS is that our psyche contains multiple parts, each with a life of its own. Most problems in relationships arise because we unknowingly burden our partner with the task of caring for our disowned and unloved parts. In this book, you’ll discover essential insights and tools to foster healthy dialogue with your parts and your partner, including:
• How to recognize and disarm the cultural assumptions that create shame, guilt, and isolation in relationships
• The Three Projects—why we fool ourselves into thinking we must change our partner, change ourselves, or give up on true intimacy
• Finding and Healing Exiles—transforming the way our most vulnerable parts influence the way we treat each other
• How to reorient relationship conflicts to help each of us grow toward the Self—the center of our clarity and wisdom
• Courageous Love—building resilient intimacy with each other and our parts to create healthy, lasting partnerships
“No one can do the work of healing our orphaned parts for us,” says Dr. Schwartz. “Yet when we begin with Self-leadership, a relationship can become a safe place in which we help each other heal and grow.” Here is an invaluable guide for therapists and laypersons alike to promote connection, trust, and understanding—within yourself and with the one you love.
What the critics say
“This profound and readable book provides clear guidelines for therapists and clients alike. In ways that complement my own work, clients learn how to unload the cultural and family burdens that block intimacy by keeping them locked in rigid gender roles. Therapists learn an empowering and practical process for treating couples. I enthusiastically recommend this book to anyone serious about improving relationships in the world today!”—Terrence Real, author of I Don’t Want to Talk about It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage
“This highly original book offers critical new insights into obstacles to the dance of intimacy. Most of us have inner exiled parts that carry burdens of shame and abandonment from our past. These interfere with our capacity for intimacy. Dick Schwartz shows us how to use the exiles our partners trigger in us to find and heal the source—our original attachment injuries. This releases our capacity to be fully alive in relationships.”—Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD, medical director, the Trauma Center, and professor of psychiatry, Boston University School of Medicine
“You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For is my relationship bible! The IFS principles and methods shared in this book have offered me direct access to ‘courageous love’ and a greater connection to my husband than I ever thought possible. The book is on my bedside table, and I turn to it as a nightly ritual.”—Gabby Bernstein, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back
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What listeners say about You Are the One You've Been Waiting For
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- Douglas Browne
- 2023-10-13
amazing
I wish my therapist had recommended this book a year ago, it might have helped save my marriage. it opened my eyes to things I didn't realize right from the introduction. I even bought the paperback copy so I can take notes and highlight important parts.
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- M
- 2024-01-28
Amazing!!
Powerful insight. New learning techniques and tools. This material is applied in my life both personally And professionally as a Counsellor. I will continue to explore No bad Parts and anything IFS related.
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- Kate
- 2023-07-16
Groundbreaking
This book has been so instrumental in understanding my attachments and how they play out in my relationships. With clear tools in how to navigate them with a partner.
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- prairiedude
- 2024-01-30
Communication at its prime
A most informative, encouraging book on communicating and thus building intimacy with a partner. Explanation of all that is needed to be the person you will love, and your partner will want to love. Excellent to work through, and very honest. Can easily want to listen to more than once!
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- daesea
- 2023-09-07
Buy this book!
So much great information. My only regret is that I didn't learn about IFS much earlier in my life.
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- Andi Gee
- 2023-12-29
Every couple should read this.
I'm so grateful to be learning about my parts and how they affect my relationship with my husband. I wish I'd learned about them years ago. This book puts pieces together that have helped me understand why each of us reacts the way we do as well as help me understand what steps to take to improve our relationship. Definitely a read for every couple.
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