Someone asks for help to sort out a problem or situation, and when you offer a few suggestions, they spend ages telling you why your ideas won’t work, how they have tried all of those ideas before, and that they just don’t know what to do. Does this sound familiar?

This podcast will give you some ideas to help you effectively manage and support the help rejecting complainer, leading to improved performance, reduced conflict and a smoother work environment for everyone.

You were really sure that you were right, but you have found out that you were wrong.

How many times have you been in that situation? How many times have you said to yourself, ‘how could I have been so stupid?’

Becasue when you feel you are right it does not actually mean you are right.

It’s just a perception. It's a belief and a feeling and not a fact. Your feeling of being right could be right - or it could be wrong. This tendency that we all have - to experience our perceptions as facts is one of the biggest factors that our internal saboteur uses to derail us.

The next time you know you are right...pause and, just for a moment, accept that you might be wrong. Treat your feelings as being hypotheses - as beliefs rather than objective truth (this is hard but possible). 

Here are some awkward questions that you can ask yourself that will help you achieve this:

• What do I believe about this situation?  
• What evidence do I have for my belief? 
• Is there any evidence to indicate that I’m wrong?
• In what way could I be wrong? 

Because even the most intelligent people can sometimes be wrong...

Do you ever feel that you haven’t got time to think? Do you ever feel that life and experiences are just passing you by because you spend much of your day firefighting?

By doing this short exercise every day (or at least every week), you will find that when you do, you’ll have far more perspective on life and on your career. Everybody I have spoken to who has tried this exercise, has found it to be incredibly valuable. It’s an exercise I do myself.

1.  Sit down somewhere quiet.  Make sure there will be on interruptions, and take a deep breath to quiet your mind. Try and become aware of any tension in your body, let it go. Consciously let the tension go from your muscles.

2. Replay your day (or week) in your mind. Think about any strong emotions that you had (either positive or negative). Reflect on those and try and understand what was going on for you.

3. Think of all the things you were grateful for. Think of three things that went well that day (or week). Think about why they went well, and what you did that made them turn out well.

4. Think about the things you found difficult and struggled with. Think about what you might need help with. Where can you get this help? Who could you ask?

5. Think of your family, friends, and colleagues. What do they seem to be struggling with or find difficult. What could you do to help them – to help them have a better day tomorrow?

 6. Reflect on anything you did today (or during the week) that you regret. What mistakes did you make? Were you unpleasant to anyone? Do you need to say sorry to anyone? If you could turn the clock back, is there anything you would have done differently?

 7. Think about tomorrow.  What is the one thing you could do that might make tomorrow a better day? Maybe you could remember to take a break at lunchtime? Perhaps try and be a better listener? Maybe you could try to be better at saying no to people?

And in the words of Bob Dylan...

"If you haven't all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you wouldn't want."

Have you ever felt really exhausted, but at the same time unable to switch off, relax or even sleep? Do you ever feel cynical about your job and wonder what the point of it all is? If you have experienced any of the above, you may be on the road to burnout.

This is a book about burnout – the biggest public health crisis of the 21st century. Burnout is a visceral physical experience. It’s the exhaustion, the anxiety, the sick feeling in your stomach. Burnout is also in your head. It’s the cynicism, negativity and detachment from work and people. It’s the inability to think clearly, the absence of mental well-being. People on the road to burnout are often clinically anxious and depressed...

This podcast is the introduction to my new book Anti-burnout: How to Create a Psychologically Safe and High-performance Organisation.  Now available from Amazon, on kindle or hardback.

How would you feel if one of your colleagues called you scum in front of other people?

Recently the deputy leader of the Labour Party, Angela Rayner, was forced to apologise after she called a Tory MP 'scum,' in the House of Commons.

Research has shown that rudeness - even witnessing rudeness - significantly reduces people's ability to think clearly, be creative and help their colleagues. 

Rudeness and incivility is not just unpleasant, it has a direct and significant impact on performance and productivity.

In other words, if you want to lead a great team - a creative team that gets things done…don’t be rude.

Would you notice if a partner, friend or work colleague was feeling suicidal?

If someone you love or someone you know, takes their own life by suicide, it’s just awful. It feels unbearable.  It's the living who suffer. However, it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault.  This was a decision made by the person who took their life and not caused by something you did or didn’t say, or did or didn’t do.

If you are worried about someone, all you can do, is listen, be kind to them, and try and point them in the right direction to get help. If you do this, then you have done enough. It’s important to remember that  there is a big difference between suicidal ideas (which many of us have had) and the act of suicide itself.  Most people who express suicidal ideas don’t actually go on to kill themselves...

Have you got a difficult conversation coming up? 

One that you can’t (or shouldn’t) avoid?

Are you dreading it because the other person might not see things your way?

Here are a few ideas that will make the conversation much easier and productive.

How was your journey home yesterday?

Did you sit in your car, or on the train, going over the events of the day?  

Going over and over the conversations you had - what you could have said, what you should have said.   

When you got home, did it continue.  Instead of inside your head, you went over things with who ever would listen, "you wouldn't believe the day I have had, and I should have done this and I could have done that..." 

Do you remember how you were feeling when you replayed these incidents over and over in your head? Upset? Anxious? Angry? 

 You may have left work hours ago, but the replaying of your day is keeping those feelings alive...

The name for this is rumination.