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Designer Relationships

A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships

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Designer Relationships

Auteur(s): Mark A. Michaels, Patricia Johnson
Narrateur(s): Lyssa Browne
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Contemporary relationships are in a state of rapid evolution. These changes can and should empower people with the opportunity to develop partnerships based on their own sexualities, understandings, and agreements. This makes it possible to create what Kenneth Haslam, founder of the Kinsey Institute's Polyamory Archive, has called designer relationships. The possibilities are limitless, and thinking about a partnership as something people can craft allows for flexibility and change. Relationships can open and close or have varying degrees and kinds of openness as circumstances demand. In the context of a designer relationship, decisions are made mutually, consciously, and deliberately. Best-selling authors and relationship experts Patricia Johnson and Mark A. Michaels are exemplars of this life choice, and have studied polyamory for over 20 years.

©2015 Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson (P)2016 Dreamscape Media, LLC Amour et romance Développement personnel Relations Religion et spiritualité occulte Romance
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the first half of the book takes a very broad look at all the aspects someone could choose to customize in their relationship, but then the second half reverts to a pretty standard coupled hierarchy definition. An OK primer for the newly curious, but there are better resources out there.

There are better resources out there

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I’ll lead with the most dangerous part of the book. There is a chapter that gives a lot of good, if not bland, advice for what it would seem are either young or inexperienced couples, and a good reminder for others already in healthy relationships. Some of this advice though would border on extreme selfishness, which, fine. If you want to be selfish, then be selfish. But then immediately after that they literally outline emotional manipulation tips straight from a literal cult. Nice combo, “do whatever you like, be selfish, and use these techniques to push people to be ok with it”. Yes, apparently this cult was influential to the poly culture, but maybe you don’t need to use the manipulation tools they employed.

For a book about alternative relationships there’s a lot of emphasis put on the unit of the couple. If you are somehow separate from what they would call the primary relationship this does not have much to offer and in fact diminishes and dismisses any other role. Maybe after the 3/4 mark they might have given more than a passing nod to those of us working on our relationships outside of that duo, but at this point they started dropping the cult stuff so I bailed.

A real mixed bag.

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